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female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: I feel so ugly and gross... I recently broke up with my only boyfriend. Granted, I'm only 22 and I met him when I was 17. It was a long, serious and intense relationship. We had a lot of issues but we always thought love could help us make it. Anyway. The thing is now I feel gross and ugly. I've never been pretty. I have ridiculously thin, low density hair, my part is very wide and you can see my scalp if I'm not careful. My face is just average. I'm like 5'6", pear shaped: small breasts, small waist, wide hips, but really thick thighs that are covered in cellulite. My ex made unsolicited comments about both my small breasts and cellulite, and they weren't nice. I'm still not over that. I feel no guy will ever find me truly hot or beautiful because of those things. I really hate the way I look and feel so abnormal because of it, especially because of my hair which is someting I can't help, and I'm not willing to wear it short. I'm not losing hair by the way, I've always been like that, so there's no "treatment". I'll always have low density hair.I can't stop remembering the comments he made, comparing myself to other women... and especially to his friends, who're all over him. They're all hot, my complete opposite. And he's not a typically hot guy, in terms of looks he's like me, yet he has all these hot girls all over him, and it's not like he's rich either. I don't get it, really, karma's a bitch! I mean he was the jerk yet here I am, lonely and miserable and there he is, surrounded by hotties. I hate, hate, hate the way I look and don't see how I could ever love it. I wish I was shorter, I wish I had skinny, cellulite free thighs, that I had a stunning face, big boobs and abundant hair. My hair is so puny, ught I hate it, it's shiny and soft, but so what? People make comments all the time about it's thinness. I don't ask them for their opinion and my hair is not thin because of something I did wrong, so I don't deserve that crap from no one! But still, I get it all the time.People always say it's the inside that matters, but it's not or else I wouldn't get so much crap about my looks. Pretty people don't get crap about their looks, quite the opposite they're admired. Sure, they'r enot taken seriously, but I'd rather have that problem because if you're smart enough you can make people realize you're more than just a pretty face so they realize you're more awesome than they thought. But me? I can try all I want to show them how great my personality is and sure some may like it, but no one will ever like an ugly face and body :(I'm just venting, and all I feel like doing now is crying, I need to know how I can accept myself and be happy and ignore the fact that I'm ugly and that pretty girls get more attention all the time, and that all I get are nasty comments on my flaws. Oh, and to stop caring about my boyfriend's good luck. He may have been a jerk but I still love him and I still feel that life's a bitch for letting him get the upper hand... knowing that he's a jerk doesn't make me feel better.
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female
reader, BettyBoup  +, writes (16 August 2011):
 Hey lady, I'm sorry you're going through a bad time right now.
Reading your post made me realise I should be happy for what I have. I, like you really struggle with liking myself. I am pear shape and have celulite, and a bum much bigger than my boobs. But I'm short, 5'3 and have thick, wavey hair. When I saw you were wishing to be shorter with abundent hair, I thought, wow, I always wish I could be taller with tamer hair. It just shows, what we wish we could change, someone else would love to have, and that it all comes down to how we look at it.
Ok, some guys will be critical of celulite or your hair or whatever. But those guys need to get over themselves. Look at your ex. He's not much of a looker, yet he critisized you! What a loser. As for those girls. Once they get to know him, they will find out how shallow and jerky he is.
Real beauty IS inside. Sometimes its hard to believe, but it is true. You don't fall in love with a body, but with a heart. But from what you have said you sound gorgeous on the outside as well. You have big hips and a small waist. That means you have sexy curves! And you have small boobs, but I bet they are firm right? A lot of guys would pick firm over big saggier boobs any day. It all comes down to preference.
And you will meet a guy who loves pear shape girls who are 5'6 with firm breasts who will fall in love with your personality and love you for who you are. Every other guy, including your ex, can go take a hike.
Like Odds says, you can do things to make yourself feel better about your appearence, like see a stylist or work out more etc. But don't think you NEED to do it for you to deserve or attract a good guy. Do it because you want to feel good about yourself for you. There's nothing wrong with grooming and making yourself look as good as you can. But do it for your own self esteem, not because you feel pressure from other people in society.
But it would help you get through the break up to maybe get some new pretty clothes and get a hair cut. You don't have to go short, you could get some hair thickening treatments. Hair extensions that are attached to your real hair would add thickness and look natural. It may cost a bit, but you are worth it ;)
Also, if you are really unhappy with your thighs, you can do many different types of exercise to tone up thighs. It will take hard work, but if it would make you happy, it will be worth it.
I am like you, unhappy with my appearence and low self esteem at times. But I am learning to accept that mostly, I cannot change how I look, so I must learn to appreciate what I have and accept that I don't have "perfection" and never will. Also, I am learning that if I want to change the parts that I can change, I will have to work hard to do that. And it is worth it. Diet and exercise will improve how I look and how I feel, as well as my overall health, which is most important.
Love yourself and try to find comfort and happiness in who you are. Then if you meet a GOOD guy(not like your ex) then having him in your life will be a bonus. You don't need a guy to vaildate you. You are a valuable, beautiful person, regaurdless of what anyone else thinks but you. You are a miricle of nature. I know its hard when you are down to think positively, but keep going and keep trying and it will get easier. Your life is for YOU, please yourself.
A
female
reader, sammy1986 +, writes (16 August 2011):
this ex obviously wasnt worth your time by saying them things to you as he knew how you felt about them i would go to the hairdresses and ask them what you can do about your hair they may be able to suggest something like extentions or something as for the cellulite i would try dry body brushing you will meet someone in time who you deserve who will treat you right
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A
male
reader, Zahir_is_burning  +, writes (16 August 2011):
 Girl you are pretty and you can be a great model with such a cool hight of 5.6. I wish you could have been my girlfriend. He didn't value you, so let it go. Remember one thing in life, never run after those who always run away from you and never look back. He is nothing in front of you, you are a princess. Trust me!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 August 2011): Hi friend, i can tell you are very sad now, sometimes when we are down we might collect all bad things together to load ourselves even worst. I am much older than you, i want to tell you base on my life expereinces, appearence could be something but not everything in the world, please observe more, not everyone who has nice looking can be sucessful in everything, not everyone who has below average looking would encounter failure! I want to encourage you please accept yourself, learn to think positive, will put a smile on your face and in your heart, beauty will reveal! Be diligent to do whatever you are interested or things you got talent, glamous will grow from there!
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A
female
reader, harleygirl2010  +, writes (16 August 2011):
 I understand what you are feeling, I too just came out of a 4 almost 5 year relationship just i felt like a toy for his amusement rather than getting the comments you did. Love yourself and don't let him take you down because he couldn't see beyond the surface. I agree with odds play around with your hair and work out if you really want to tone your body. Your height is amazing and I would love to be that tall but i'm stuck at a 5'2 with, small breasts and waist. Just love yourself. That is all you can do and Karma will come back to get him. Just wait and see what she does. I was once told by my mom that once you love yourself then the right guy will come along and love you more than ever. Just love yourself and be confident.
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A
male
reader, Odds +, writes (16 August 2011):
 Ouch. You're going through a rough spot. Ending a five-year relationship is going to suck for a few months, there's no way around that. Just remind yourself now and then not to take the things you say about yourself in grief seriously. I'd say don't even focus on solving any problems until you've given yourself some time to just let all the bad feelings run their course.
Once you're ready, you can focus on problem-solving. First step to that is to step caring what happens to him. Why should it matter if he never kisses a girl again, or if he's rolling in supermodels? What matters is your own happiness.
Work with what you've got!
"...especially because of my hair which is someting I can't help."
Find a competent stylist and experiment. Be willing to try a few stylists and a few haircuts. If you hate your hair as is, what have you got to lose by messing around with it?
"I wish I was shorter, I wish I had skinny, cellulite free thighs, that I had a stunning face, big boobs and abundant hair."
5'6" is a great height for chicks. Hit the gym and eat a healthy diet to tighten up your legs and get skinnier - not to mention the glow of a good workout will do good things for your face. Be sure to get good, accurate advice on fitness. Don't focus so much on boobs - instead, find your best feature (even if you think your best is below-average) and emphasize it.
"People always say it's the inside that matters, but it's not..."
You're half right. Your appearance is how you garner initial interest. If you're at a disadvantage, then do what you can to improve, then accept that meeting guys will take more effort - you may have to do the approaching yourself. Where you're wrong is in thinking the inside doesn't matter. Once you've gained someone's interest, personality is the most important part of *keeping* that interest.
"...no one will ever like an ugly face and body."
Make them as good as you can, you'd be surprised how you can grow on a guy once he gets to know you. The hard part is being patient - it's easy to get jaded after a few rejections, only to fail to recognize real interest when it's there. Stay positive.
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