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female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: I broke up with the guy I love a couple of weeks ago, well technically he broke up with me, but I was the one that didn't take him back when he asked me to (he didn't respect a boundary: we had agreed that if we broke up once again, it'd be over for good, no more opportunities). He had a habit of breaking up with me, because he had jealousy and trust issues (trust me, he was TOO paranoid for his own good... I never even thought of cheating, but he always thought I would do it). Anyway, he also called me names during the relationship, so even though we had a lot in common and I love him so much and that I thought we'd be together forever, and it kills me, I had to leave me for good.I've never thought of myself as hot. He told me I was pretty, etc, but he also told me once (because I stupidly asked), that other women were hotter. Why, I asked? He said because of their bigger boobs, bigger butts, prettier faces... but that he loved me for other reasons, that they were probably stupid girls, etc. But it made me paranoid about it, and it killed my self esteem.Now with the break up I feel even uglier and not hot. I see how guys my age are always leering at said girls. It sucks. I have an average face, average hair, small boobs, small butt. There is nothing "WOW" about me. I know it's personality that counts, blah, blah. But WHAT woman doesn't want to be desired by a lot of guys? Who're we kidding, of course we want to be admired for our hotness... yes, we want to be loved because of who we are, but we also want to be desired for our physical attractiveness...What can I do? At campus I see a lot of these hot girls, and I feel so depressed. I know it sounds vain, but I just feel so ugly and I remember those words he told me: that girls with bigger butts, boobs and prettier faces were hotter than me. I feel like why bother being in a relationship again if there are always going to be these hotter girls around. Maybe some people don't care about it, but I do, beauty is really important for guys it seems, they're always compulsively checking out other girls, and I don't want to be with another guy who thinks I'm not that hot. My self esteem is crushed.
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male
reader, rcn  +, writes (7 May 2010):
 I like girls with smaller butts and boobs, so I guess those features vary from person to person. He stated that as his opinion, and not as the opinion of all guys.
The girls you are talking about I've found are some of the loneliest people. Guys see them as being out of their league, and not as the person under all that skin. So, while you may be out on a date, many of the "hot" girls are home washing their hair because no one asked them out. From that view, don't you have an advantage?
Worry about you, who you are and what you want, and not about these other people. What they do with their lives doesn't create who you are, so it'd shouldn't be focused on.
I hope this helps. Take care.
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