A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello everyone. I am in a very tough situation. I love my boyfriend with all my heart. We are both 19 and have been together since we were 15 (almost 5 years). We recently went away to seperate colleges, he has a full ride football scholarship, but i moved back home due to acedemic issues. Recently we found out we were expecting. We are both scared but love the child and are willing to step up to the plate to do the best thing for the baby. I grew up in a very christian home and my family really wants to get married before the baby. I also want this. He is unsure of what he wants regarding marriage. He says he wants to get married just not right now maybe a couple years. I dont understand this because my family is a great support system would give us a place to live and support me and the baby while he is at school. I dont want him to quit school and told him if we get married i will support him through school and take care of the baby while hes away. His family doesnt want him to get married now and I believe this is influencing his decision also. My family is telling me after 5 years he needs to step be a man and do the right thing for the baby and me or he needs to get out my life. Should I leave if we he doesnt want to marry me?
View related questions:
christian Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (7 May 2010):
 I don't think it's a good idea to force marriage because you have a baby. Putting that sort of pressure on your relationship will ultimately deteriorate it. I think your family is incorrect - either getting married or getting out of your life is NOT helpful. I think you two need to just focus on being good parents and being good to each other. Your relationship doesn't need the stress of a marriage that you're both not ready for, getting married for the sake of a kid is not a good reason to get married.
Get married when it feels like the natural, loving step to take. Get married when you both want to get married. Do you really want to be married to a man who isn't ready to be married to you? Your child will be happier if he or she has two loving parents, regardless if you're married or not.
My friend got married because she got pregnant. They had been together for longer than you two had... the marriage ruined their relationship and they separated within a year of getting married.
Don't force marriage. It never turns out well. Good luck, sweetness and congratulations.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 May 2010): biologically we can become parents pretty young but mentally ... we may not really be ready for the kids, the relationship and the other responsibilities that come along with marriage etc. Maybe he is simply not ready to get married, it is a big commitment and he has just started school too ... if he is with you and is trying to suppport you with the little one then i'd say cut him a break. Just cos he doesn't want to sign a piece of paper, does not mean he is not committed to YOU! You are both young and met each other fairly young too ... i'd wait until you have both finished school and got stable jobs etc then get married if YOU want it (not if your family wants it). Its your life, not theirs.
by the way - my parents got married because my mum was exspecting me, they were divorced by the time i was 2. A piece of paper doesn't really mean anything. If he is there for you and the baby then surely that demonstaes he is committed regardless of what the "law" or your family say.
...............................
|
