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age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: I always try to be there for my friends and no matter what I do it isn't good enough. Friend A: I thought we were close, but she started to ditch me and stopped contacting me. When she would re-surface, I would pick her up, drive to a restaurant or someplace and she would spend the entire time criticizing me and putting me down. Or even on the phone she would insult me. (This went on for a while.) I finally put my foot down and broke contact with her. She has contacted a mutual friend and talks about me and how horrible I am. Friend B: She has lots of friends who have significant others and she is single, so she always wants me to come with her to places so she won't be lonely. If I am busy or can't make it, she gets mad at me and guilt trips me. (Like "Am I going to see you this time?" etc.)My friends also think I'm mad at them if I don't respond to their calls/text messages right away. They always expect me to drop whatever I'm doing, but I know they would never do it for me. If I acted the way they did, they wouldn't talk to me anymore! I just feel so stressed and drained by them. I feel like I'm being a bad friend and don't like them mad at me, but they know this and use it against me almost to start drama. I just feel too old and tired to put up with this. I guess I only do it because I don't have a lot of friends to turn to. What should I do? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 July 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all for your advice. I apologize for the outburst, but I was at the end of my rope. I need to work on being a better friend to both myself and my friends.
A
male
reader, ManAfterChrist  +, writes (5 July 2010):
 There are times in your life when you find yourself surrounded by bad company, and you don't know how it all happened. It happens to a lot of people, myself included.
My advice: Find new friends.
New friends can come from multiple places. Are you part of a church? Have you peacefully lost contact with an old friend that you can get back in touch with? What other activities are you in? Work can also provide some friends with similar interests.
In the same token, it's important to not become the bad friend. Please don't just kick these friends to the curb. Perhaps if you start hanging with another crowd, it will slowly die down and there will be no "casualties".
Let us know what steps you plan on taking, and how things go.
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A
female
reader, LLindy87 +, writes (5 July 2010):
 sounds like you're surrounded by toxic friends. Trust me, I have plenty myself and just realizing this too. Here are some qualities of toxic friends:
1. The promise breaker
These are the ones who constantly cancel on you, blow you off, etc. Don't hold high expectations for these friends, if you want to keep this sort around, then realize that you must lower your expectations for that friend in question.
a good friend will usually follow through with their plans.
2. The double crosser
This negative friend betrays you big time. A rumor perhaps or an emotional double-cross, a relationship double-cross. for example: You like a guy and you tell your friend to come with you to see his band play. during the time there, after they play they (the band) come to sit by you and your friend. Your friend is all over your crush. Even if its subtle. That is just one example, but a betrayal, no matter how big of small is a betrayal.
a good friend will be happy for you, will not betray you. They will have your best interests at heart
3. The Self-absorbed
These are the friends that don't listen to you. They can pretend to, saying superficial things like "aw, that sucks" or "wow, crazy" or "awesome,well anyway..." leaving no more space for conversation about your issue/news. The self absorbed only listens to you because they are waiting to speak about themselves. They want the spotlight.
a good friend will be a good listener when you need them there
4. The Discloser
You tell her a secret and the moment she talks to someone else they spill the beans. However, don't label someone this unless you've made it clear that what you've told her is in confidence, don't assume anything is obviously a secret.
5. The Competitor
although competition can be healthy, there is a line when too much can destroy the friendship. Whether is compeition in careers, relationships, material possessions, etc. I once had a friend who had to one-up me with everything, I got a car, she got a better one, when we were both single if I found a date she's go far enough to sabotage it, she once told a guy I was planning our wedding (wasnt true) and I found out a year later she did this, we are not friends anymore, but that was just an example. Some people can be super extreme
6. The Fault-finder
Nothing you do or say is ever good enough. One of my friends that I've begun to see is toxic for me said this yesterday after a date I had with this guy and he blew me off (we had made out, I took off my shirt) and when i was sad about him blowing me off her response was "well thats what you get for taking off your shirt". That is a fault finder. They are overly critical, even if they do the same things. They are the ones who won't have a problem saying "I told you so".
but of course you should try bringing these issues up to the friend before you end a friendship, because a lot of the time people don't realize they do certain things, its their blindspots. and communication is everything.
also, make sure you're not any of these either. To tell you the truth, writing this out I realized where I need to improve with some of my friendships and what friends I even need to speak to. Good luck.
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A
male
reader, GabeP +, writes (5 July 2010):
Ma'am, you're twenty five to thirty and it seems like you're hanging out with high schoolers. Being lonely sucks, but I'll bet you're lonely now. You feel too old and tired for it because you ARE too old and tired for it.
Find some new friends. Easier said than done, but you'll feel better about yourself if you stand up to these morons and do your own thing. If you're religious, do church activities. If you're into sports, find a club team or league. If you like books, go to the book club at the library. Honestly, acquaintances who respect you are better than friends who don't. These people aren't mature enough to be your friends at this point in your life whether you care about them or not.
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