A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:okay me and my boyfriend were dating after justa few months of being together he told me he wanted to marry me i said yes. We were going great in our relationship after he got in the military 5 months later it was good at first but then he started acting wierd being distant. After 8 months, one day he told me he wasnt sure if he loved me or not. Later he called me to break up but he said he wasn't able to. So we kept it on, everything returned back to normal after his visit(leave). Soon after he went back he proposed to me again he put a date on the wedding and i was planning everything. Then one day he calls me tells me about a girl who had hurt him bad in the past and that was the reason he wasnt able to open his heart all the way. That same day i he told me that he wasnt sure , he had asked himself if he loved me or if he just loved me because he slept with me. He said he really did love me, but then he said he wasn't sure if he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me and called off the wedding. He told me not to think about having a family or joining our lives together to just be together and see where it all goes. Now he talks to me all lovable again and tells me he loves me. Im confused of what i should do... what can i do to not lose him?what can i do to see the real reason he backed out?why do men do this because i know im not the only one this has happend to?and Does he really love me am i just wasting my time on him..?Any Advice???
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 July 2010): Excellent answer from GabeP..nevertheless a very difficult and painful situation for you, I know I have been there too.
You are obviously emotionally mature, that when you commit, you mean it, and this is why you feel so confused, as you don't understand how the guy can ask you to marry him one minute then change his mind the next - Truth is, he is NOT emotionally mature, or ready for commitment on this level, and certainly not a marriage and babies. Which is tough for you, as you have this as a mind set with him proposing.
He's just scared of the final commitment, so perhaps ease up a bit with the marriage otption, step back a while, and just date, and make sure you use protection, don't risk falling pregnant. And see how he is after a few months of a more relaxed situation.
If he's still the same in six, eight months time, then you may have to re-consider if you want to continue seeing a guy who is not ready for a ' growing relationship'. Good luck, I really hope this works out for you.
Jilly x
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 July 2010): Screw him. You're wasting your time. I'm sorry, but guys who put women through emotional pain like this are pathetic. I say you dump him before he can dump you, it's just not healthy.
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A
male
reader, GabeP  +, writes (5 July 2010):
I think you're too young for this situation. It sounds like he's being a flake - in other words, he's acting like most any 18-22 year old male would act.
I would start by taking his words literally. He might love you, he probably loves you, but he isn't totally sure. Marriage is totally out of the question if this is his position.
He wants to be with you, but isn't wanting you to even consider a family right now. Marriage isn't an option.
The real reason he backed out is that he isn't ready for a marriage to anyone, much less you. He told you that himself. I don't think you're wasting your time, but I do think you're moving too fast. Relax a bit. Enjoy your time together. Use protection. He's scared and it sounds like you are as well. Don't try to force a marriage or overanalyze it - just have a good time and take the marriage option off the table a bit. Make sure he loves you before you plan the wedding.
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