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female
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anonymous
writes: Hi,More than a year ago something happened to me. It's a long story so here goes..Me and my boyfriend have a great realationship but one night things went wrong.I did something for him but it didn't go to well and then it got worse when he got his foot twisted in some wires and pulled some stuff of shelf. He blamed me and 'lost his wind' as he put it. It wouldn't be so upsetting only at the time we had a long distance relationship and this was only the second day I was with him after not seeing him for two months. Also we'd hardly spent any time alone together. And now he was annoyed at me and also was rejecting me completly sexually. And this after the big thing I'd done for him which he didn't say a word of thanks or indicate it meant something to him. I burst into tears. He tried to comfort me, hug me. I tried to tell him I needed him, I needed to be close to him. (A euphemisum we use to mean haveing sex.) But he didn't understand.I needed to feel wanted and loved and all the things that that would give me.I needed him to undo the feelings he had made me feel. But he didn't get it.I didn't see that he didn't get it and him saying he was tired just made the rejection I was feeling truer. This went on for a bit, he tried, hugged me. But he was tired and slept. I woke him.How could he fall asleep when I was this upset?! This just made me feel worse. Uncared for. Unloved. Unimportent. On top of the rejection I already felt. I felt worse than I ever had in my life. I kept waking him, he kept falling asleep. I wish I'd gone out, shouted at him, thrown water anything to make him see what he was doing to me. I stopped waking him in the end. Cried untill I couldn't cry anymore, stopped crying, was numb, than started crying again. Several times. Twice he woke up when I was at my worst. Blearyly looked at me than fell asleep again. It would've made it even worse only I felt so low already. It felt like I mustn't fall asleep, I needed to stay how was feeling, keep it all fresh so he could make it better when he woke up. I lasted till about 6.30-7ish By then I was so drained I too fell asleep. Cementing the feelings I had.I felt distant when I woke. We still talk as well as we ever did but it changed me. Before he made me so happy and made me feel so special. I know he loves me. I know he still feels it all even if I don't.I love him and care about him as much as ever, he means everything to me. I want nothing more than to feel the way I did about him and feel what he made me feel. I get some things back but far from all the time and it's not the same. The memorys of when it went wrong still hurt as deep as ever.Please help.
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 September 2006): I'm sorry you feel that way. This has helped me, this is many people's opinions and many people's advice. It's made me surer about some things, realise a couple of things and think about it from different angles. I'm not living in the past. I'm living in the now the now is affected by my past in a bad way. I feel less now. I'm less confedent now. This happened after then, because of then. I don't know what you mean by throw in the towel.. Split from my boyfriend? Thereby simaltaniously hurting myself, the person who means most to me and giving up on ever feeling that happy again? Maybe I am in the wrong frame of mind. But please understand this isn't something I want.
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 September 2006): Well carry on the way you are then, we have failed to give you the answers that you seek. We have tried to put another angle on this and help you and you still are no further along. Perhaps you should throw in the towel as no matter whats been suggested its not helped. Its a frame of mind, and to live in the past will not make the future brighter!
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 September 2006): I don't know about conselling, it just seems to be talking to a person about your problems, maybe they are better quailified to explain what's going on but it's still only one persons advice and one persons opinion. In my experience it doesn't seem to hurt but it doesn't seem to help much either. I don't know that I'd be able to justify spending money certainly, not that much, on something I doubt will make a difference.
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 September 2006): I think you really do need to see a counsellor to find out what it is thats gone so badly wrong in your head on this, it cant be solved with words here alone, but maybe a counsellor can help you to deal with all this.
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 September 2006): "It's not so much the event that's the problem though. I feel less from him, and for him. I feel distant, hollow and numb way too often. This is what I want to change, not the past." Sorry for repeating myself but this is the bit I'm focusing on and the bit I'd like people to advise me on.
It's not that I think he feels any less for me. It's just I don't feel it as much as I did, like it bounces of me. Logicly I just want to be as I was and I don't understand why I still don't feel how I did. I get what happened and why. The thinking part of my mind is fine. The feeling part of my mind is being irrational. To feel what I did I think I do need some big thing that will push as much in a good direction as this event pushed in a bad one. The feeling bad part of my mind always looks for things to critize myself over, looks for reasons why I'm shit and became 'in charge' when the event happened. If my bf does little let downs I would've brushed off easily before this part of me goes "SEE!" The feeling good part of me rarely seems to get a look in. Ofcourse I feel bad about an event that caused less confedence and less happiness and worst of feel less both for and from my bf. Who wouldn't?
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 September 2006): Your still not letting go and looking beyond it though it is still all about that night, until you think right thats it time to move on you wont! What are you expecting, how do you want to fix this, I think half of what you feeling is not from him but from you, because it all went wrong that night you have ketp up the pretense and not allowed either of you to forget. Accept that it was a mistake and move on, you say you dont know how to... well you have to tell him that you feel he feels less for you and would like for him to make it up to you.. This was a one off for godsakes are you really going to let that cloud the rest of your relationship.. er yep you are. your still holding on to the past... snap out of it.. its over... if you dont you may as well chuck in the towel now and break up! I really dont know what you want, but your going round in a circle, your inventing that things from his side are not as they were because you are still feeling sour about it. If you dont think he loves you enough then time to let him go.
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reader, pixie_elf +, writes (7 September 2006):
Thank you Davie! That's the biggest part of how I felt. I kept saying I needed him. I kept waking him, I wouldn't have if I haven't needed him to be there for me. He was tired, he didn't understand. He thought he would be better at dealing with it in the morning, but didn't tell me so I couldn't tell him how wrong he was.
One time when I stayed over at a friend's, she got upset, I'd not slept for two days. She was on the phone to someone with me in another room, thinking that I was asleep no doubt. I was wide awake and couldn't even have slept if I wanted to untill I knew she was ok. That was 'just' a friend. My bf means so much more to me. I couldn't see how he could sleep with me this upset and still care about me as much as I thought he did. It didn't make sense!
I do love him so much. I do think that I have gone some way to letting it go, it's hard to tell. I'm not sure how to go about it or how to know how far I've got. What I find impossible to deal with is how much less I feel from him. I feel distant and numb too often. It's like the bit that makes me feel good when he says or does nice things is broken. Not totally, I still feel abit of what I used to sometimes. I did blame him at first but think I'm waay past the blaming stage. It was lots of mistakes some on his part and a few on mine too. I don't understand them all but only because we see things like sleep differently. Myself and sleep I would describe as having an uneasy truce. Even as a baby I had extrodenary control, (much to my parents despere,) over my sleep.
He also thought it would be better in the morning, whereas I knew it would only get worse. How was I to know everyone didn't think like that? I guess the same would apply to him.
It's not the event that's the problem though. I feel less from him, and for him. I feel distant, hollow and numb way too often. This is what I want to change, not the past.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 September 2006): Where did I say I didn't feel stupid? You think I don't hate myself for not being ok by now? But I'm not ok and want to know how to become ok. Wendgy, it wasn't that he couldn't, he just didn't know what I meant. I thought he did and that he wouldn't, hence the feeling of rejection. I thought if he didn't understand he would ask. It's not the actuall phyisical sex part I needed. It was to be allowed to be close to him, something I needed, felt had comunicated that I needed and felt he was saying no to. I didn't just think it would make it better. I knew it. Why? Because it would kill the part of my mind saying over and over that he was didn't want me and didn't care.
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reader, davie  +, writes (7 September 2006):
I find it a bit alarming that you were so extremely upset and in tears yet he managed to just nod off to sleep - and not once but many times. He probably genuinely didn't understand what you were going on about. How he could just go to sleep with you crying your eyes out sounds criminal.If you love him and want things to go back to the way they were then you need to let this go (as hard as that might be). If you want to move forward then you need to work on moulding your future, and not to dwell too much on the past. You can't judge him entirely for his bad handling of one evening (if he regularly acted like that it would be a different story but it sounds like this was a one off).All the best.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 September 2006): if that were me and my bf after a YEAR we would have been laughing about it for the past 11 months get over it you sound so miserable and unable to laugh at yourself
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reader, joeymac +, writes (7 September 2006):
i think u just feel stupid because of the kind of situation and because ur feeling sooo embarrassed ur not seeing things properly ur having a hissy fit and causing all this commotion to distract u from feeling stupid
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reader, Wendyg  +, writes (7 September 2006):
 Honey, Cant you see it was male pride ? He went limp because you couldnt carry out anal sex together for whatever reason, and then decided to go for it the normal way, that didnt pan out as he tripped and things fell on you, he then felt stupid! Hence the limp state, men do take this kind of thing to heart, and he felt a bit oh my god i cant perform. (plus all the anxiety of it all made him feel he couldnt do it) It was nothing to do with you how all this panned out, it was just something that happend, and by the time it got to lets have sex he felt inadeaquate, believe me men can feel worse over these things than us. He then didnt know how to comfort you and the moment was lost, all that had gone before and made him lose his erection and he probably couldnt get another one, there was you saying lets "get close" and hes thinking oh my god i cant get an erection again, because mentally the events made him feel a fool... it wasnt about you honey, it was him feeling no good in his head, and he couldnt switch on to having sex as he felt a failure, Now rather than you seeing that you made it about you.. you might not like that buts that what happend, in the begining yes it was about you giving something up, but soon turned to him feeling bad. You were both in a bad place and both failed to see what was going on. You should have both at that point just cuddled and gone to sleep and tried again at a later date, he couldnt perform as a he then felt a little pressured not saying you were pressuring him, but in his mind he was like oh shite its all gone wrong and the body and mind shut down, you both needed comfort and sex at that point was not the answer, he had felt he had let you down and you felt that you let him down. The difference is he has moved on from it and put it down to one of those things, and you have harboured it. He didnt know how to deal as he was embarrased he wanted to just curl up, but you were still insistent on sex when he felt all cranky about it, it happens to the best of us! You ask how to move on, well if you really want to and at this point its seeming that you dont, then you have to let go... the more you harbour this the bigger its festering and becoming more of a problem than it should have been.. You didnt realise that he was bruised and felt silly that it didnt pan, he couldnt perform at that time and hes probably not gonna tell you that as no man wants to say hey i cant get it up.. instead he just wanted to sleep and move on... you have still kept this alight. until you can see what was actually happening and see it from his point of view you will not move on from it. We all experience things in our relationships that are harder to move on from, but if we dont let go we ruin the rest of the relationship. There are lots of things in my relationship that went a little strange and believe me one of our attempts at anal sex went a lot more wrong than this! but we have to get over it and move on or we forever live in the past... if you dont you can see what it will do, break the two of you up... like i say maybe counselling is the answer to this, but until you ready to move on, i cant just say move on, no one can, we are all different and i cant just say draw a line it doesnt work like that, you have to draw the line and move on, there is no easy answer we all deal very differently. Its up to you how you can proceed I cant tell you how to feel, i cant tell you what will work to make you move on, its all inside and you got to get it out somehow, but also see that he was just as bruised as you were about this. YOu have to kind of put this down to one of lives experiences, he didnt intend on behaving the way he did, but his male pride made him clam up, he felt like failure and didnt know how to act, men dont always deal the best way in this situations and hes not going to admit it, can you not see that all the events made him lose his erection not you, and he couldnt get another one at that time, it wasnt all about you honey, he couldnt deal either and no matter how he tried to comfort you,you thought it would all be made better by having sex, he wasnt rejecting you he just couldnt perform.
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reader, joeymac +, writes (7 September 2006):
Don't mean to be horrid but ur boyfriend just sounds like a normal guy, u had an arguement and then u went over the top acting like a spoilt child. that's how it sounds to me, i'm not tryin to be abusive, just think about it honestly and if i'm right u might be able to realise u went over the top. he tried to comfort u in a respective human way, probably didn't want to take advantage and get his leg over like u were hoping.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 September 2006): People say things like 'Let go' and 'Move on.' Yes I'm still upset about it but mostly because of the distance I feel, and all the things I don't have anymore. If anyone actually knows how I'd love to hear it.
Wendyg, ofcourse I wish things had turned out differently. At first I thought 'do it again, do it right.' I don't know how it would have to be to work though since what hurt me was all after what I did for him.
Malyce, are you even reading my posts here?
"He understands why I got upset, he just didn't then."
"we were going to finish off the normal way when he got his foot twisted in his radio alarm wire and it was me it hit not him."
I certainly didn't 'decide' to feel inadequate and it wasn't much of a misshap either. I gave him the biggest thing I had to give, he got annoyed at me being too controling about how it went. (When I didn't it hurt slightly, something I was prepared for but would prefere to avoid.) I didn't understand why he was off because he didn't say. When _he_ sugested we just finish off the normall way, he got annoyed at me for the radio and some other stuff falling (on me.) Then he went soft on me and not a good way. This was the first time that had happened and he was practicly inside me. He offered no explaination, no apology and no thanks for what I'd done. Is it really blowing things out of proportion to feel rejected at this point? When I told him what I needed. 'To be close to him.' I thought it was obvious what I meant. I thought if he didn't understand he would ask. If I was thinking straight I probably would've said I was feeling so bad because I felt rejected. But I wasn't.
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 September 2006): Well I wonder if the BF felt he was being brow beated from all the conversations...more doesn't always mean better.
I agree, if you have stop having feelings for him and are giving a little less; no wonder he is re-acting the same way.
You let your insecurities and fears overcloud this issue and blow it out of proportion.
Forgiveness is key in all relationships. It isn't even like he cheated on you for crying out loud. He stumbled ACCIDENTALLY into some wiring cords and you decided to feel inadequate over a BLOODY mishap...it WASN'T even intentional!!
For some deep, embedded reason that has LOTS to do with your upbringing/homelife or lack of instruction and love from your parents...you take a small accident and make it into something to wound over.
Please seek counselling ASAP.
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reader, Wendyg +, writes (6 September 2006):
OKay so you have communication. But you havent got forgiveness this is what your response is telling me. You say you talk about it lots but does he truly know how you are feeling and why ? I do feel that you are habouring this and you do feel somewhat angered towards him for the outcome of that incidence. He didnt act how you think he should have at the time and has left you reeling a little a bit. In order to get past this, you may have to seek counselling on your part... yeah the old get the other person to listen to me etc blah blah, but i dont know how else you can move on from this. If you are talking freely about it and he knows exactly why you acted the way you did and why you were so upset i cant see how the two of you alone can move on from it.. the damage appears to have been done that night im afraid and no matter what i tell you to do, unless you are ready to feel better about it you wont. You have allowed this to fester and become the main focal point, you may not think it but you have you only have to read you post to see that you may talk about it to your man, but you havent let go of it... you need help in maybe releasing that anger out somehow. Has your boyfriend got a problem with this incident still ? Can he see where you are coming from ? The other thing i can say to maybe get you past this incident is to maybe try again ? yep you may not feel like it, but maybe you somehow feel let down yourself and wish things had turned out differently and your going over and over it in your head and if you finally manage to achieve it may go some way in to making it fit right. I really dont know how to make you feel any more towards him, but i bet if he were given another chance at it he would have behaved differently. Obviously i dont know the full ins and outs and what you have discussed together and how you both feel, and what he thinks of how you feel about it, so its a bit hard to say it will fade or it will get better. You need to get back to step one and see wheter it was just this incident and somehow learn to forgive him for it, and they may mean outside help. Sorry i cant give you a miracle cure, i know once you hurt your hurt, but i cant give the easy answer, you need to do the hard work and try and move on from it, what happend happend but you need to see if you can address the true reason why you feel so let down by him and if you can forgive and get him to understand why you are so hurt, the thing is you cant change what happend, but you can learn to accept it.
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 September 2006): To Wendyg, thanks for that. Me and my bf have talked, lots, about this. The terrible thing is that since this happened I feel much less from him, and a little less for him too. I was hurt deeply and I guess that stuck. I don't want this to still be affecting me. I just want to feel like I did.
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reader, Wendyg +, writes (6 September 2006):
Dear Anon, I hear where you are coming from... My advice would still stand a little... and I agree maybe the advice was based on something we didnt know about...
Now the thing you say was the reason for all the upset, anal sex.. the reason your bf probably blamed you is that he felt inadequate about it, he felt he was a failure also because it didnt go according to plan and he was a little emabarrased and his pride was dented.
There you are agreeing to take your intimate relations to another level and it didnt work, and hes like oh shite, its gone wrong, she must think im really crap and clammed up.
(Male pride is a funny thing)
It was about the both of you and he now felt a little silly, you had agreed to it and he couldnt carry it off so to speak.. Now it may or may not be like that, but either way you have to talk to him. The reason he probably didnt want to engage in sex after that is a he may have felt he had pressured you, and b, he felt he couldnt perform and felt a little bruised by it all..
To you this was a huge thing, and does sound as though you were doing it for him and not for yourself.. trying to make him happy and now you feel crap and he didnt appreciate the fact you were going to that effort to make him happy and try something new, he may not have seen it as such a big deal having anal sex, but to you it was, and somewhere along the way its turned to resentment as you feel how dare he behave like that, i was giving him what he wanted and he doesnt care! I dont think it was like that and you two have gone away and not talked about what it meant to the both of you... You feel that you were giving up something to him and he wasnt botherd when i think he did actaully think wow shes prepared to try it and when it came to it it didnt happen and he wanted to forget about it and move on... He was like hey shes doing this for me, and when it all went wrong he didnt know what to say as he felt he had let you down maybe.. I agree anal sex isnt taken lightly, and he maybe didnt see your true feelings on this, but you have to tell him, he may not see it as that bigger deal and if you dont tell him how all of this made you feel, it could be the ruin of you two.. You cared enough to give it a shot and maybe the timing wasnt right, he has choose to forget it and your harbouring it, he may just think oh well not to worry thats not gonna happen, is happy for it not to happen. You have to talk to him about this episode, i dont truly know how you are feeling but maybe its not what his intention was. Did he mention loads of times previous that he wanted to try anal sex ? was it a pressure thing on you ? Maybe he felt a tad guilty that you wanted to try this and that he made you want to try it, and when it came to it, all went tits up... hes probably feeling a tad awkward as well but doesnt want to mention it again for fear of upsetting you.. maybe talk it over and see his take on it, alot of this could be to do with how he made you feel and he didnt intend for it to go that way and is just feeling embarrased and scared ? You need to have a little caht about this soon and tell him how you feel, he doesnt realsie what a big deal this was to you and you need to tell him if you are to have any future and banish these feelings...
Take care x
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 September 2006): This is an objection to the title. I am a real person, this is a real problem. I came here to ask advice. I thought it would be best if the people offering advice had the backround as to what upset me. The title is very patronising and I beleive it's also the main reason to the advice I've got being way off the mark. (no offense guys) I'm also to blame. I know I didn't comunicate the problem as well as I could have, it was the middle of the night, I couldn't sleep. I got an idea and I tried it. But it's no reason to be patronising a be-littleing about someones troubles.
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 September 2006): I'd like to clear up a few things, someone asked how old I was. I'm 21. Someone else asked what the big thing was. Anal, first time. The way it went wrong was that he didn't go all the way so we were going to finish off the normal way when he got his foot twisted in his radio alarm wire and it was me it hit not him. I have never had much self-esteme but the year we were together before this happend I did feel great about myself. Also it wasn't just sex, it was the closeness I needed and was after and yes it does help when I'm upset. I don't want to feel upset, I don't even feel like I have the right to. We have talked about it. He understands why I got upset, he just didn't then.I hate how it still is effecting me this much and really just want to know how I can stop that. I'm sorry I did such a long post.
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 September 2006): It does sound like you are projecting thoughts and feelings onto something which is causing more pain, more misunderstandings which would make him appear insensitive and uncaring. What a horrible place to be in. *hugs*
"the events of childhood do not pass but, repeat themselves like seasons of the year" ~Eleanor Parjeon
Honey, I don't think you BF knows what you are feeling and why.
You are taking things from your past; your childhood and believeing that he is doing the same thing.
You probably experienced abandonment and neglect as a child.
Let me list of some questions for a book I read titled "The Emotionally Abusive Relationship~How to Stop Being Abused And How To Stop Abusing" by Beverly Engel.
(Taken from pages 59-60)
* Physical neglect-when a parent doesn not fee a child enough food or provide the basic necessities such as clothing, shelter, or medical attention if needed.
* Emotional neglect or deprivation-when parents don't take an interest in their child, do not talk to or hold and hug their child, and are generally emotionally unavailable to their child. Alcoholic parents, in particular, are often neglectful of their children's needs.
* Physical abandonment-when parents leave a child alone in the home or car for long periods of time or do not pick their child up at a designated time and place
* Verbal abuse-constantly putting a child down, name-calling, being overly critical
* Boundary violation-not respecting a child's need for privacy, such as constantly walking in on a child in the bathroom without knocking, entering a child's bedroom without knocking (especially an adolescent's room), going through a child's private belongings as a regular habit (not as a way of monitoring a troubled child's behaviour)
* Emotional sexual abuse-when parents create an inappropriate bond with their child or use their child to meet their own emotional needs, the relationship can easily become romanticized and sexulized
* Role reversal-when a parent expects a child to meet his or her needs; to, in essence, pareht them
* Chaotic abuse-being raised in a family where there was very little stability but instead constant upheaval and dischord
* Social abuse-when parents directly or indirectly interfere with their child's access to his or her peers or fail to teach their child essential social skills
* Intellectual abuse- when a child's thinking is ridiculed or attacked and she or he is not allowed to differ from the parent's point of view
"One of the most significant patterns established by those who were emotionally abused in childhood is based on what is called the "repetition compulsion"-an unconcious drive to repeat the same type of abusive relationship we ourselves experienced as a child in an attempt to accomplish a new outcome." page 60, paragraph 2
Honey, please seek some individual counselling to help you sort and come to terms with your issues. With this help will come an inner strength to heal and overcome and to stop projecting past childhood ills onto your adult life.
Please take care of yourself.
"nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent" ~ Eleanor Roosevelt
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reader, Wendyg +, writes (4 September 2006):
Just have to say exellent post from the Anon poster below..
Exactly what I was thinking when reading your post... I myslef have been known to over react at certain situations and make it all about me.. but have learned over the years to calm down a bit.. I too way back, would normally have acted like you did, but you have to realise your guy didnt think he had done anything wrong, it all got a bit confuddled and lost along the way and he didnt know how to deal with you when you got all hysterical. rather than seeing how he was feeling you were feeling why arent i the important one, i should come first, you didnt relax and think it through and the longer it went on you felt sorry for yourself... and more angry at him... he was genuinely tired, for whatever reason and you decided to put the two together and make it that he rejected you... he was tired and exhausted from the goings on of that day, and because you had done somethign nice and didnt get the sex that you thought would make you feel close and wanted you decided to make it all about wounded you... You ran off crying boyfriend tried to comfort you by cuddling you, you tell him thats not enough, he thinks what am i supposed to do ? he didnt feel it appropriate for sex as he was tired and you were all upset... I have been guilty of these same things before and believe me if you dont recognise it now, it will only get worse... Learn to relax and control the situation, they are not all about you there were two parties involved not just you, did you stop and think how he was feeling ? Desperate that hes girl was so upset, cuddled her and she was like no i want more, he felt like he wasnt doing enough... and lets face it if your blubbing your eyes out would it really be a good moment to have sex ? Anyway you took it too far and made yourself feel this bad, he didnt do it, all he did was say no to sex im too tired, but he still cuddled you, thats all he was able to offer at the time, thats all he did, he didnt say he didnt want you etc etc... you heard it and invented it the way you wanted to see it, not how it was.. and then made yourself in this pickle.. believe me i know it happens ive done it... i had to sit back and recognise it... wallowing doesnt make them understand you any the more but think how the hell do i deal with her... Draw a line and start again, it all got out of hand by your doing and what was in your head, not what the situation was all about.. you over reacted and are trying to justify to yourself that you had a valid reason for doing so, when you didnt, you just took it too far... just be careful you could lose the love of your life my acting in this way.
Take care x
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 September 2006): What was the "big thing" you did for your boyfriend? Helping repair something? That's what it sounds like if he got his foot caught in some wires and things fell off the shelf. In helping him, were you doing exactly what he asked you (i.e., 'Joan', hold the wire HERE - no, not like that!!") then I can see that he WOULD be annoyed.He probably didn't feel like having sex if something fell on him, or just missed him. Then you really overreacted. He told you he was tired, you ought to have accepted that as the truth and made him comfortable in an armchair with coffee or a cold drink, after asking whether he was hurt.You asked how he could just fall asleep when he knew you were that upset. For pete's sake, the man TRIED to comfort you, but was tired. You WOULD not give up, you insisted on nursing your feelings of rejection (and the strong probability from reading your message is that he did not in fact reject you - at least not in the very beginning). Instead of accepting that things had gone wrong, and then leaving it alone, you proceeded to make everything much worse by continually waking him up, and even considered shouting at him and throwing cold water on him.Yes, yes, it would have been nice if he'd thanked you for assisting with the repair job, or setting up something, whatever it was, but if it went wrong, he most likely didn't feel very thankful at the time. Probably, if you'd let him be, and gone to sleep yourself (and by staying awake all night and focussing on how upset you were, you made it much worse for yourself). He would have thanked you later on, when he'd calmed down and gotten a new perspective.Men don't like it when women go "over the top" as you did. It scares them. Makes them think we're hysterical, unbalanced females.What do you do now? LEARN from this, and then ACCEPT that you don't feel the way you once did about him now. Finally, FORGIVE yourself - and him - for what happened, and let it go. It has been a year already; LET IT GO. Once you do that, hopefully you will begin to feel better about the whole episode and will be a wiser, stronger person.
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male
reader, Turgo +, writes (4 September 2006):
Well could feel a little smotherd? Sounds like you need him to make you feel good about your self? I would back off a little from the situation. Maybe try to make him well... want you... if your always going to him.... how can he have the chace to go to you? And if then he doesnt go to you... sit him down and tell him whats bothering you. You need to comunicate whats bothering you. Get angry even, but stay calm.Good Luck
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male
reader, Ponungalungb  +, writes (4 September 2006):
 You need to take a deep breath and figure out what it is you want. You don't say how old you are, but I'm guessing that you're a teenager. Life is a long and winding road with many turns. You want to enjoy life and not get so wrapped up in a relationship that sounds too dramatic at this point. Good luck!
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