A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:Hi, its 3 months today since my husband and I split up, it was not what i wanted but he seemed to be unable to commit to the future i wanted, having a family (even though he said he wanted this too, numerous times). I am finding it very hard to get through this, my thoughts are constantly centered on him, wondering who he is with and what he is doing. I am constantly crying when im at home, i cant face eating much and cant sleep. Contact is very minimal, and when we do its usually via text message. I feel like he has completely cut me out of his life, we were together for 9 years, most of which were happy. He just isnt the person i know and i feel so rejected and abandoned. Please tell me this will get better.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2008): I would like to say that I have a similar story to yours. I have been with my husband 12 years and he did not want a family but I did. Out of guilt he cooperated in conceiving a child with me but subsequently changed his mind and asked me to have an abortion. I could not agree to an abortion for moral reasons. In the end, he moved out for the last 4 months of the pregnancy and I subsequently found out that he cheated on me with a string of promiscuous women and did not practice safe sex. Now he wants to stay married but for me to allow him the freedon to have a mistress or be with other women. I have decided to divorce him but I still miss him terribly and I fear that he may contract HIV.
A
male
reader, jack23 +, writes (30 October 2006):
 Be reassured it will get better. Like you've said hes not the person you know him to be, concentrate on that, knowing that he is no longer the person you fell inlove with and that you can find someone new.
This is obviously a difficult time for you and is a time best spent with friends, doing things you've always wanted to do. Think of the things you have wanted to do, the hobbies you have wanted to participate in and go do them. Spending time with friends always help, they can be relied upon to put a smile on you face. Look at this as a chance to be your own person and explore new things.
Someone new will come into your life when you least expect it.
I hope this advice is of some use :)
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A
male
reader, badbrit +, writes (30 October 2006):
yes it will get better. You need to realise you do not need him, you only desire him. You were complete before you met him, you were complete when you were with him and you will be complete now he is no longer in your life.
Put all the energy you use thinking about him to think about yourself.
You need to realise that it is truly over and look after yourself, find new hobbies, friends, date casually, keep busy and think of this as the exciting start of a new chapter. Focus on the reality of the situation and focus on a day that I will promise will come - and that is that one day you will meet someone else even more special who is ready to committ and have a family. When that day comes you will thank your lucky stars that this happened.
Let me tell you something else, as much as you have to accept it is over, you never know what will happen down the road. One thing i can promise - a person who is crying, needy, clingy and how can not appear to have a life without him is not attractive to an ex and if anything reinforces in his mind that he has done the right thing.
What will give any chance for him to stop and think is if he sees you looking dynamite, coping without him, strong, funny, upbeat, smiling, moving on, dating others, projecting an image of "i dont need him!!! Thank god he left me"
Now that is what can play on someones mind.
Just dont do it to make him think, do it for you because even if nothing changes with him, you will be in the right mindset to attract someone better anyway. Fake it til you feel it.
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