A
female
age
36-40,
*lizabethanne
writes:I'm so lost at this moment. Me and my hubby met back when I was 18. We met in college and we fell in love. We soon after got engaged and we married the following summer. We married because he was wanting to go into the military and his tentative date to go in was end of july so we got married in the begining of it. In the end it they found out he was fully colorblind so they told us they wouldn't let him go in. 3 months into our marriage he applied for a job for the city were my dad worked. Well he ended up not getting because of something that happened in his past. It ends up when he was 10 or 11 he and is sister "experimented" she is 3 years younger then him. That broke my heart. Recently also he stole some dvds and I was there with him even though I didn't know. And we both ended up having to go to jail... also I always catch him lookin at porn on his phone. Always. He hides it. And such... I have been thru a whole lot while with him... my parents divorced. My grandfather passed away. I'm just lost I feel as if I'm not happy with the person I have become. I don't feel as if I'm in love with my husband as I used to be. With the stuff that happened with his sister i dont know what to think about it. I'm lost.. I don't know. I feel as if maybe we married too soon. Maybe we didn't give us a chance to know eachother enough. Recently my ex right before him has started talking to me on yahoo messenger and stuff and we have kind of been reliving out past just talking.. I feel as if maybe he was the one for me. I dont know. My question is what do yall think I should do? I'm kind of lost in life. Should I stay with my husband and try to work it out? Should I find some time for myself? Has anyone had to deal with this kind of stuff and what did you do?
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female
reader, elizabethanne +, writes (23 January 2009):
elizabethanne is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thanks a lot!!! No me and my ex are just talking I've told him the same as you have said to me.
A
female
reader, lovesalias +, writes (23 January 2009):
 I think that you were young and did things for the wrong reasons as I did in my marriage and recent dissolution of it. I was with him from 16 married at 19 and divorcing at 25. I don't think it is a good idea to really get involved with anyone for at least a year after you seperate from your husband just because you need time to figure out who you are and who you want to be and time to have your own identity. You should seriously take a look at your life and decide if you stay what you want to happen and how you want to feel and talk to your husband about it, He may be feeling the same way you are but just doesn't know how to tell you. If you are talking to your ex I would suggest first deciding what you will do with your marriage before you get hurt or someone hurts you (emotionally). I hope this helps!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 January 2009): for the sister thing, you say he was ten or eleven so that's a child and they didn't know, so forgive him, it will only hurt you more if you keep it inside and drain your relationship.
And since you've been through alot, I wouldn't make any rash decisions right now ( like getting divorced from your husband). Remember, you made that oath "for better or for worse, in sickness and in health, till death do you part". Be one of those people who do keep that vow. Anyway, just go on a little "vacation" if you can. Maybe over the weekend, or in times you don't have work. Do something fun for you and your husband. Also, I really think you should've discovered more about his past before tying the knot with him. If you love him, you'll know what to do and help him through this and if he loves you, he'll do the same (try to help you with your problems). I don't know you, so I can only say what I think you are going through but the ultimate help will come from your family and close friends.
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