A
female
age
30-35,
*ou_love_kira
writes:So, my boyfriend of two and a half years is in the military and we have a long distance relationship. We had relationship problems before because we have been apart for one year and we both have trust issues. Recently, he has met a friend and I am sure he is a guy, I know it is not another girl. My boyfriend since then has been acting like a total jerk to me and tells me he can't talk and he's stressed out. He told me he has a final test to take and that it is extremely hard, yet when I call him he says he is taking a break and is playing video games, watching movies, and playing ping pong. I confronted him and he just gets angry and says he's stressed out. He does not try to hear out my need to communicate whatsoever, he just gets upset and gets extremely offended. Then I tell him he has changed because he acts so differently in front of me when his friend is there. Then he complains that I have changed him and that I should look in the mirror if I want to blame anyone. Recently his friend moved his game set, TV, and food so that they can spend the weekend together. I asked to talk to him and he sighs and gets upset and says "god, were never gonna watch this movie!" and I hear his friend in the background complaining as well. I was so upset and cried and he hung up on me. Then I talked to him later and asked him to PLEASE call me at least ten minutes in a day, and he didn't. I waited the next day, he didn't. He used to be such a sweet guy, texting me what he is up to and telling me he loves me and hope that I have a good day. Personally, I feel like the military has changed him yet I love him so much, who he used to be (feminine, sensitive, caring...etc). Am I doing something wrong when I say I want to talk to him, sure I do admit I put him through rough times and I think he is getting over me and does not love me anymore. We had a huge argument couple days ago and I cried so much and yet he still doesn't get my point and proposed that I don't talk to him at all for a couple days. Then I cried even harder and I'm so emotionally tired and hurt. I don't know what to do and feel so lost and don't know where this is going. I try so hard to communicate with him yet he just shuts me out yet I can't move on because he is my first boyfriend and helped me get out from a sexually abusive relationship with my stepfather. I feel so lost and don't know what to do is he acting different because his friend is there or is it because he is actually leaving me?
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a break, long distance, military, move on, text, video games Reply to this Question
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female
reader, you_love_kira +, writes (7 June 2011):
you_love_kira is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for responding to my problems quickly, my boyfriend recently came back and I have been talking things out with him since then. I believe we should see how we can make our relationship work better. Thank you so much for the answers!! I feel as if I have support and less confused, I will take these advises sincerely and utilize them if more problems arise. Thank you!! :) :)
A
female
reader, adamantine  +, writes (1 June 2011):
 I don't know what his intentions are behind his actions, so I'm sorry that I can't help you there. What I can tell you, from what you've mentioned, is that he has become very insensitive towards you and your relationship together.
It may be that the military has made him harden up for his own sake of surviving there. But I really can't say for sure.
Please don't blame yourself for this. You have tried and tried to speak to him but he just blatantly ignores you or shuts you out. It doesn't seem like he is willing to change or take a look at himself right now and it honestly seems like a lost cause.
If I were you, I would beat him to the punch, and call it quits. You tell him that you MIGHT consider being in a relationship with him once he matures a little more. It's gonna hurt at first, but you deserve to be with someone who treats you like gold, not someone who has no care for what happens to you. There are many other men in the world who would be more than willing do that for you.
Good luck x
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