A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I'm in a real messJust started a new job and feel I have made a big mistakeI work in a team of 6 and they are so cold and unfriendly and talk to each other and as a result I have lost a huge amount of confidence I know one of the team has already stitched me up when I thought he was being nice and confided some issues with him and as a result he went back and told the managerI'm a caring person and am thoughtful but go in everyday and noone talks to meI'm not enjoying the work eitherI feel so hated ;(
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 March 2014): Just go and earn the pennies, if people don't appear to like you, who really gives a buff. I HAVE to work with a bunch of various people, some who are great to work with and others who just try and make your day as hard as possible. They to me, are a waste of my time and energy and quite frankly I don't even listen to what they say. It is part of their 'character' to be ugly and spiteful, therefore their words are of no importance.Should you remember that the most part of your life is spent in work, it is your choice wether you decide to spend it with people who are so clicky and see nothing outside of the work enviroment, or move on to pastures new with people who have a little warmth and life in them and want to laugh. Some can live the Cold clinical and professional life and never feel the need to relate on a friendly level with their colleague's, a rather empty world to spend a big part of one's life. Humanity and Camaradarie is the greatest asset in real life, the Fireman, soldier, police man/woman. These are some of the professionals who build such a strong bond of friendship they are almost family. Professionalism ALONE will not make you be thought better of, it's the real person that gains respect. The consultant/surgeon who relates to his patients, not the empty body with a professional label stuck on his head who could'nt really give a s^^t, and expects worship.Be true to yourself, never lose your character, or humanity for any amount of wage....so many cold robots in this world already....stay awake.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 March 2014): I agree with WiseOwlE on this one. You're not in high school like me. You're not going there to socialise. You're going there to earn money. Try chatting to the customers if you have any. Or ask your manager to be moved to another team. Or, why not just go back to your old job?
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (3 March 2014):
 Before I try and answer your question I have to ask,
What did you tell your co-worker that he felt he needed to take it to a supervisor?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 March 2014): A job is where you earn money to pay the bills. It isn't always a place you can socialize and make friends.
The job market is tight right now; and you will have to put up with some of the not so pleasant conditions that comes with all jobs. That being, people you don't like; or people who don't like you.
If you can flutter from one job to the next looking for nectar like a butterfly; go ahead. You will realize that you have to learn how to make the best of a bad situation.
You were hired to do your job. You are not in high school trying to be accepted by a clique.
Why would anyone have to take something back to the manager, unless it was inappropriate or against company policy? Is that really what got your cackles up? You got too chummy and provided too much personal information?
Perhaps you are too chatty and rambunctious; which is often annoying to people.
If you want a less formal and unprofessional atmosphere; that is usually where young people in their teens and just hitting 21 will be working. Then you'll feel iced-out for being in your 30's. Popularity at work only counts when you're trying to please the management. That means recognition for good work and promotions. That is why we go to work. To earn a living.
You need to gain respect at work. Being liked and making chums may not always happen.
Not knowing anything from the side of your co-workers, we can not ask them why they don't like you. All five of them "hate" you?
Go back and read your post. It would sound like something a high-schooler would be saying. That doesn't sound very professional. Perhaps that is the root of your problem. They expect you to show confidence and professionalism. You have to earn their respect. All jobs have an initiation process in place. You break through that wall by being no non-sense and getting to work in spite of what they do.
You don't let them see you sweat or rattle your nerves.
Maybe the job isn't a good fit if you went in expecting to make buddies; and discussing your personal-life. Even worse, you feel hated. That sort of attitude will come across as very unstable to your manager. I think it is time to grow up; and realize that some work environments are more professional than socially "friendly."
There is a warmup period on all new jobs. People want to see you earn your keep. Show them what you're made of.
Some just need time to get used to your personality. If you come on too strong and weird, it will be a little off-putting. Sometimes change is difficult for people to adjust too, and all of you need time to adjust.
I think you may need to see a mental-health specialist; if you go on a job and feel "hated." That is not a mature reaction in a work environment.
Try lowering your friendly approach, and coming on a little less chummy. Be professional and show that you want to prove your skills and abilities. That is all anyone, including the manager is interested in. People warm up to you once they realize how good you are at your job; that they can count on you, and that you live up to the expectations for which you were hired. Socialize away from work.
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A
female
reader, Sensible Alice  +, writes (3 March 2014):
 It's still early days yet, you're still a newby and not yet part of the group. This will only come with time, once they suss you out and get to know you. I'd recommend sticking it out a little longer if you can. Keep being friendly, but really concentrate on doing your job and DON'T be tempted to gossip about anyone.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 March 2014): Joining a team is hard, as they're already established and used to working together. This is a natural stage but unfortunately it is very uncomfortable. You need to go to whoever is in charge of the team and say how you're not feeling included, you also need to just be yourself and slowly gain their trust as a team member. In teamwork you have a forming stage, where everyone is superficially nice then it turns to storming. People will conflict with each other and will challenge others ideas, sounds very much like you're experiencing this. If you're someone who is confident enough to address them all, I would say when you're all together that being new in the team has been hard and you have been pushed away from everyone. Remind them they would've been new once and that you wouldn't have thought they would've liked being treated as you have been. Sometimes directly addressing people can make them feel quite awkward and then realise their behaviour has been exclusive. If you feel this would cause further problems then speak to a manager and say how they are excluding you and it's surely not how they operate as a company.
Try and show yourself to be happy and positive rather than affected by their behaviour. Nothing better than killing people with kindness, as it magnifies their negative behaviour to themselves and everyone else.
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