A
female
age
36-40,
*hnoyoudidn't
writes:Hello.My boyfriend and I have been together for 18 months now and prior to that we were close friends for a good many years. He's always had an anger problem; he's never been violent toward me or any of his friends however he does get verbally aggressive and take it out on inanimate objects. It's usually only triggered by those closes to him; girlfriends/family/really close friends to everyone else he appears perfectly normal. Up until we got together I'd never caused him to get angry, never been a trigger, however three months into our relationship we had our first argument and since then I've been the cause of/trigger for countless angry outbursts.Don't get me wrong, I've never been scared of him, never feared for myself. It's more that I'm afraid of him doing physical or mental damage to himself, I hate how guilty and disappointed in himself he feels afterwards. It's just so hard not to trigger him sometimes, especially as I can't work out what it is exactly I do wrong/establish a pattern. There are certain things I know not to do but they're common sense/polite things anyway (hanging up the phone mid conversation being an example) but sometimes just random things will set him off. For example today we were talking about the intense relationship he had with his ex, he spoke of how he lost a friend because his ex insisted that they had sex nightly even though he shared a room with said friend. I simply said that I could see why that wouldn't be pleasant for him/his friend and he lost it.. smashed his laptop screen.I don't know what to do, I feel horribly guilty all the time, as though it's all my fault and no matter what I try it never works. It's not a daily occurrence, probably once a week but it's still too much. I know it's his problem and he has been to his GP numerous times about it but never seems to get anywhere. I don't want to leave him, we both love each other deeply and if I wasn't the one triggering all this then I wouldn't even consider ending it but I think it might be best for him if I'm not around? It'd be the hardest thing I've done in my life thus far, we've got our entire future planned out but I really want to do what's best for him. At the minute I just feel destructive.Any advice would be welcome.
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female
reader, curious0hot  +, writes (4 February 2010):
 There is a lot can be said, but in a nutshell... It's not your fault, and he needs to get help for his anger issues.
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