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female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes: My husband has always seemed to find slightly twisted ways of running me down on a semi-regular basis but last week has really made me want to leave. In an argument in which he told me I was taking too long to study and change my career (I'm doing a degree and some other professional qualifications at the same time, full time) he then also scoffed at my chosen new profession said I was a joke and I'd never make it (health care). There are many many other issues in our marriage but I was incensed at him putting me down as I work so hard and I shouted at him. He then started to grimace and deliberately dribbled spit to the corners of his mouth and did a gesture as if I was mentally ill. This man is 40 years old. Thankfully we have no children to witness all this. Am I right to think this has now gone too far it feels like it because every time I think about that face he made and the gesture I feel physically sick. He has me so down and depressed I feel trapped. I would welcome any thoughts. Thank you.
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female
reader, Sugarbuns  +, writes (4 February 2010):
 Why in the world did you marry this guy? I am hoping he has not always been this insensitive. It's time to give him a heads up. Either he start being more supportive, or you will file for divorce. Then give him some time to change, and if things don't improve, it's time to get out.
A
female
reader, curious0hot  +, writes (4 February 2010):
 It's gone WAY too far.
If you love him, you may want to seek counseling while taking a trial separation (you don't need that kind of stress with your school load).
Another option is divorce...
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A
female
reader, ShonaB  +, writes (4 February 2010):
 First of all, congratulations on doing something to change your life! Takes guts and determination to career change, good on you :D
Secondly, your marriage sounds like it's going through a difficult time right now. Maybe your husband is jealous of this new life you have and are heading for, education changes people and often makes those closest to them feel insecure and unsure of the changes happening. Sometimes, especially for men, what they once felt they were in control of suddenly seems to have disappeared and they feel they have to be in competition. So, they embrace it and support you or they refuse to face up to their fears and criticise or ridicule you instead.
Although divorced myself, I'm not one for giving up if something can be fixed. Maybe you need to have a long, open and honest talk with your husband about how he feels and what his needs are, maybe he feels like they aren't being considered right now - difficult for you when your focus has to be somewhere else for a large portion of your days.
This course you are doing won't go on forever, but now is maybe a good opportunity to address the issues your marriage is facing and making a decision whether to battle through it or walk away.
Whatever you do, stay focused on your studies and be proud of all you achieve, I hope everything works out for you in a way that makes you happy.
S x
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2010): He sounds like he has serious anger issues and is threatened by you. Mostly he feels you are smarter and this is his way of evening out things...
What can you do... stay away from him for a few days till he comes to his senses and decides that what he did was sick and gross. Stay out of his way. Don't talk to him unless its about something practical. Stay calm. You have done nothing wrong.
If he does repent in a few days, tell him you need him to work out his anger on something real... make him pay for a charity or plant a tree or something. This may sound way out but this is one way to get someone very negative to get out of that horrid space in their head.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2010): Is this something he does all the time? What's his character like? I can't help you much based on so little information. Do you want to work on the marriage or leave him because you find him childish?
How long has it been since you and him had a good time together, and have you asked him why he mocks you? What is his problem really?
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