A
female
age
36-40,
*azza86
writes:hi guys,I am in desperate need of some advice. I just broke up with boyfriend of a year and a half last week.It was long distance with both of us making an effort to see each other when we could. I have a 7 years old daughter from a previous relationship and as time went on I noticed not ahuge effort was being made on his part to connect, I tried numerous things away trips away with her, mornings in bed, watching movies but he never seemed to want to participate. He constantly told me she was bold and that I might not have the life skills due to my upbringing to raise her properly.It all came to a head last November when I went to visit him and a comment was made when I got dressed up for a nigh out that 'its true what they say your ass drops after having a baby' I was in such shock that I carried on as normal, however I never felt so lonely in my life, as I had not long before been diagnosed with sever anxiety and had decide after weeks of counselling to try Lexapro on the advice of my doctor. The following weekend I went to visit him again as there was an anniversary mass in his family. There was a dinner the night before an di drank too much wine, totally hold my hands up however I was told by other family members that I didn't act in any way appropriate just a lot of giggling. Two days later was my birthday, he ignored me all day, eventually calling that night so say he forgot, but was not very nice on the phone. the next night he called and ripped in to me to say how he was so let down by my behaviour at the weekend and I had no respect, and was the I shouldn't drink at all. he constantly uses my alcoholic mother against me. I do drink occasionally but I have seen what alcoholism does and I will never do down that road. I was so upset we didn't see each other for Christmas, new years, he forgot my daughters birthday. I eventually agreed to meet him for valentines weekend and made a huge effort with him, but its never seems to be enough, I asked him outright if he really loved me and he said' the level of love was not what it should be because of my behaviour' - im a single mother who works in a university, I rarely go out at weekends as im saving to buy a house. before I was diagnosed with anxiety and panic I was narky enough but iv apologised a million times over for this. I decide there and then enough was enough, but I feels o guilty for hurting him, has he manipulated me or I am I a horrible person?????
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female
reader, CattyCat  +, writes (10 March 2015):
 He manipulated you and I think deep down, you know this.
If at first you didn't think you were wrong, you probably weren't. He was using you as an emotional punch bag, taking stuff out on you, trying to wear you down.
Be thankful he is out of your life. His kind of poison would've damaged you and your daughter.
You are a beautiful, strong woman, and I hope you meet a man worthy of your love.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 March 2015): How dare he judge YOU for how you raise your child when he is low enough to enter a serious relationship with you and all but ignore your child. HE is not fit to be in a relationship with you if he is going to be rude towards your child.He was also rude to you. In terms of your guilt and questions of regret... Simples; imagine that your daughter were to date a man that could say these things to her when she grows up and that she were to ask you if she should stay with him. What would you forcefully advise her to do? Run! As you have recognised, this man is controlling and manipulative. You do not need this cruelty in your life. How dare he say such horrible things to you! Think; your daughter deserves that you only date men that treat her, and her mother with respect. Remember that you and your relationship/s are a role model to her. she needs to see that if a man EVER dares to treat her mother with less kindness and respect than she deserves then you WILL leave that man. She needs to know and understand by example to guide her in developing self-respecting and healthy relationships in her future.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (9 March 2015):
 I am sure a "well raised" kid is mute and never seeking attention. Of course sarcasm here. He is not ready to be a parental figure so he has no right to comment on your parenting skills. Your loneliness made you resort to long distance relationships. A non committal person can make any excuse to end a relationship, and according to them it is never because they have no love to give.
It's amazing how strong and devoted single mothers are and how they are treated the worst by men.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (9 March 2015):
 Honestly, as SOON as I'd found out that he WASN'T making an effort with my child I would have walked away.
She SHOULD be your top priority, not a dude.
I do think he IS a tad manipulative, it's HIS way or the highway.
He "forgets" your birthday AND your daughters. That just shows how little he actually cares.
Let this one go, find someone who WANTS to be part of a family and WANTS to include your daughter.
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A
female
reader, deirdre +, writes (9 March 2015):
it sounds like he is manipulative as he is blaming you for "giving him reasons to criticise you" but it is him who has the problem here, not you so dont blame yourself for a minute. Well done on getting the help you need with the anxiety, I know from experience that it isnt a fun experience. He sounds like someone who wasnt fully in the relationship and you can do better. So what if you got tipsy? You did nothing terrible and everyone does it at some point (s). He is at fault here, not you. You deserve better
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 March 2015): He's a horrid person. You definitely deserve better. But if you are not strong enough to do it for yourself, do it for your little girl.
Your daughter needs a happy mummy. He makes her mummy stressed and decreases her self esteem. Therefore you should get rid of him with no guilt.
You are doing what's best for you and your daughter!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 March 2015): No.
Someone who always belittles you and criticizes you (in front of your daughter too,I presume?) is not worth fighting for.
It seems like he was generally unsatisfied and looking for reasons to leave.
Let him be. Let him go.
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