A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello everyone,I do not know where to start, so this may be somewhat long. I'm a female, 21 years old and in a relationship with another woman, also 21 years old, who I've known for about 8-9 years now. It's a long distance relationship. We have been together for roughly a year at this point, but our relationship is a lot more complicated than just that.We were in love with each other very early on (perhaps when we were 16), but never acted on it. About two years ago, I revealed my feelings to her and we were together until spring 2013. She then broke up with me due to some mental problems and a general unhappiness in our relationship: that really hurt me because it happened out of the blue and she completely blocked off all contact with me. I waited weeks for her, never heard back, and eventually wrote her a short message that she shouldn't message me again.Fast forward to autumn 2013. I encounter her again and miss her a lot, so I try to tie up our loose ends. It works marvelously. We have long talks about what happened and I feel like we connect. She did, too. We fall in love with each other all over again and begin a relationship in January.We were supposed to see each other in May that year. That was the first time when she wanted to break up with me again. I should note that I have BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder) and jealousy issues.I recognize I put a lot of pressure on her during our relationship.However, she cancelled the visit literally one day before I came to visit her despite knowing she didn't want it earlier. It hurt me immensely. We took a break for a week, then she tells me she misses me, and I forgive her.We met in July for two weeks and spend an amazing time with each other. I really realized how much I love her at that point. We met in October again, too. It was a wonderful, but short time. She was then supposed to come see me on Christmas again, but health problems prevented her from coming. That caused a lot of problems because I was so disappointed and wanted to see her so badly, and I really misbehaved during that time because I couldn't handle it. We never really settled down after that.We're now in 2015. These past three months, we argued almost every week and cried a lot. My BPD is barely controllable anymore, and I have said some incredibly heartless and mean things to her. We were supposed to see each other at the end of this month. She wanted to break up with me on Saturday, and tried to cancel the visit as well. I cried a lot during that weekend. I realized that I was abusive and acted like a complete ^^^hole again. I somehow convinced her to stay with me, but she's scared to book the bus now. She told me that she wanted to see me, too, but at the same time she is scared.I don't know what to do. I love this girl, and I want to make her happy. I have a therapist appointment on 17th March to learn how to live with my BPD, but I really want to see her this month because our time we can see each other is always very limited. But how can I make her feel safe?How can I reassure her that coming here will only be a good healing time for both of us? I want to work on my mistakes and feel better about myself (because I do not enjoy acting up the way I did, either), and I want her to trust and believe me and give me the chance to prove her wrong.I'd be super happy for any kind of input. She really means a lot to me, and I don't want to lose her.
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a break, broke up, christmas, jealous, long distance, mental problems Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 March 2015): Girl, you gotta sort yourself out first!!!Take care of yourself,make sure you're ok THEN and only then you can SHOW her that things are better (not tell her).You can't have a healthy relationship till you sort yourself out first.ps: also I think you might have done too much damage already for things to be workable. Who knows? I might be wrong, but I'd DEFO NOT push her for another meeting till you're in a better place.
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