A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I’ve been married twenty years and unhappy for around half of that . I think I was happier in the first part of the marriage because our kids were young and I Was less concerned with having a connected deep relationship. It was more about family and surviving day to day Now I’m older I’m feeling so disconnected and alone . My husband is completely emotionally unavailable . He is so caught up in his own life , has no understanding of emotions , mine, his or others . He wants the physicsl side of the relationship with zero emotional connectionWe’ve done counselling in the past to no avail . My self confidence is in the trash I admit . I feel I’ve lost any chance at a connected meaningful relationship because what man wants a woman my age. I know people will say I knew what he was like when I married him and has he changed . He was always somewhat distant in hindsight but there was no way that as a woman in my twenties I could have imagined the unhappiness of living with a man who’s so disinterested in matters of the heart for so long I’ll look like a real villain if I leave as everyone sees him as such a wonderful provider and person . He is all those things but it’s this huge gap Has anyone else been in this situation what did you do
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2019): Thank you both for your advice . I think that it’s very true that I need to think about this is my one life and how do I want to spend it . I think I let fear hold me back a lot . I do realise lots of men and women end up restarting at this age but I can’t help but feel that most of the women are competing for the few men who want women this age as most men want younger women and that they are able to get them because most of us at this age have some material wealth which seems to count for men when dating
I’m not interested in dating younger and would love someone my own age but feel that unless your a knockout who looks better than a thirty year old you have no chance ... ughhh sorry I’m just feeling so down at the moment
A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (10 June 2019):
 As I see it, you have two options here: you can stay in the marriage and try to fulfill your need for emotional contact in other ways (e.g. via close friends) or, if that would not fill the void for you, you can bite the bullet, walk away and see if there is someone better out there for you.
Given the availability of dating sites these days, I did smile (in a sympathetic way) when you asked "what man wants a woman my age". There are plenty of men (and women) of "your age" starting over again because their children have grown up and left home and they have suddenly realized they are not happy in their relationship. There are obviously different reasons too for people finding themselves in this situation. Whatever their "back story", they find themselves, in "later years", looking to start over. There are sites specifically for "more mature" people.
You have been unhappy for a decade already. You have tried counselling but this did not help. If you specifically need this connection with your husband/partner, then you need to stop wasting time and try to find the man you want.
By the way, how others view you for leaving your husband is none of your business. Don't let other people's opinion be a deciding factor in what you choose to do with your life. They are not the ones who are unhappy. Only YOU are in charge of your happiness.
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A
female
reader, mystiquek  +, writes (9 June 2019):
 OP, you have to search your heart and do what you feel is best for you. Of course we can give you advice but obviously everyone's life is different and what some people can exist with and tolerate others can't.
I am in your age range and I have been where you are. I was married for 16 years to a man 10 years older than me. When I married him, he was a nice caring intelligent man. He was always a little more quiet than me and a little grumpy at times but we got on well and I loved him. Over time he changed drastically. It got to the point where I didn't know him and didn't like him. I fell completely out of love. Add alcohol into the mix (him not me) My life was just absolutely miserable and he refused to acknowledge that there was anything wrong. I begged for him to get help, get counseling and he refused. I was married but basically totally alone. I was only 40 and I did not want to continue being so unhappy. I warned him repeatedly that I wasn't happy and begged him to work on our marriage. He didn't. No sex, no hugs, kisses, no fun...I waited 2 years. I left him. I was scared out of my mind but I knew I was slowly dying inside and couldn't continue to go on that way. It was tough but I made it.
Once I left him I felt such a relief...I could laugh, I could smile again..I could LIVE. I am far more happier now than I was then. I know I made the right decision for myself. I found someone that loves me and cares about me and makes my life complete. It was worth what I went through to get to where I am now.
Life is short...very short. How do you want to live the remainder of yours? ASK YOURSELF
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