A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Dear CupidI am divorced and now in love with my best friend. He says he likes me a lot too but not in the way I want. I know I have to move on. But why do I feel that I was never given a chance by God to be with one person I love the most in this world.I can be myself with him, he never ever judges me and I love everything about him. So to be precise I'm crazy in love with him. How do I stop wanting him. Why do I think he is my soul mate, I know he has flaws too, but I love even his flaws. It's like I am a love sick teenager. I'm in love with him for the past 1 year. I tried dating, stopped talking to him. Nothing works, I am not able to stop loving him, whatever I try.Sometimes I feel so cursed to not be with one person I love the most in this world. I don't know what should I do now. Please help me and no insults please.
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best friend, divorce, move on, soulmate Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 September 2012): Hi there. Boy...I really feel for you here. I have had a similar problem in my life. Well, I guess I still have it. Probably always will have it. And that's loving someone who does not reciprocate those feelings. My guy broke things off with me after seemingly trying to get back together with me (and me being so happy and excited to do that) and then promptly married some woman he just met. I don't think I will ever get over him completely. I vacillate between hating his guts and hoping he will divorce her and call me. Then I fantasize about what I will do. Sometimes in my mind I will jump back into his arms and forgive him and we will live happily ever after. Sometimes I tell him to get lost after all of the hurt and pain I suffered. Anyway, I think it is easier in my circumstance because we never see each other or talk. We have no friends in common, so I don't have to hear anything about him. You have it much harder as you are friends. I always think that you have to say what you have to say. Be honest, let it all out in the best way you can possibly muster. That way you live your life with no regrets and 'what ifs". If he cannot return your feelings of affection, then maybe you need to say to him that you need some separation from him. To find yourself. To maybe meet someone else. I trust that you do not want to be alone all of your life if you cannot have this man? I have moved on. It's sad to know that I can never have the man that I still consider my best match in life. However, I have to remind myself that he cannot possibly be my "best match" if he doesn't feel the same way about me. When if boils down to it, I want a man who wants me. My former boyfriend does not want me. That is a huge problem. If your friend does not want you in that way, then you need to remind yourself that you deserve to be wanted by a man. And when you are, you will know that it feels much better and makes having a relationship with a man much for fulfilling. I know it's hard. I wish I knew why life had to be this way. But you will come to recognize the hurt, put it away, compartmentalize it, and move on. Because you have this one life and you should maximize it and be happy. Best of luck to you. Please know that you are not alone.
A
female
reader, nat1972  +, writes (16 September 2012):
 Hi,
I would like to suggest having an open conversation with him and telling him how you feel. Perhaps there is a bond there together, perhaps he is scared of changing the friendship from one of friendship to dating. It can work. But give it time. The most valuable friendships are those that are friends before dating etc. But taking a chance and making the next step are hard. Find out his side of how he feels about you and discuss them openly. Through friendship we make quality life time friends take a chance and grow it into something more.
If he doesn't agree with a relationship other than friends well you will just have to accept it and move on like you say. Yes, that can be difficult, remember it is important to be honest with feelings.
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