A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I'm feeling so alone right now.It's been several months now since I broke it off with my ex boyfriend, he was heavily into drink and drugs, emotionally abusive and once physically abusive. I stayed with him because of the good times - he could certainly turn on the charm when he wanted to, and I was addicted to being treated like a princess when he was being "good".I realised that at 25, I was wasting my time being with someone like him, and although I do want to settle down with someone, I couldn't settle with him, it would be an unhappy life together.I do have great friends and a good social life, but it's tose evenings when you go home alone, and all your friends have gone home with their boyfriends, that you miss being with someone. I know I don't miss my ex, but I miss the closeness and comfort we had.I know things take time, and I will one day meet someone etc, but right now that doesn't help me. I just don't seem to be meeting any guys at all, not that I want to jump right into a serious relationship, but a little flirting/fun wouldn't go amiss.It's all just getting me down...
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 October 2008): Oh gosh, you have been through a lot, haven't you. It's human to want the closeness, that bond to someone. Your relationship ended, for a good reason and now, you need to heal and recover. Realize you had the courage to get out of an abusive situation...that alone takes great strength. and you should be proud of that. There are also many women who come out of abusive situations, who actrually welcome the alone time to recover, they love their newfound independance. It's like a feeling of 'peace and calm' that overcomes them, they can finally live their life they way they want..not being controlled and mistreated by someone. You have come far, hun. .
So understand that loneliness and loss are as much a part of the human condition as joy and hope...we take this and we learn and we grow stronger from it or we can allow it take us down. It's so crucial to learn to hold on to yourself, to keep loving yourself through this tough transition. I think what makes most people proud of themselves is when they can face their 'fears' (of loneliness) head on. In your case, the fear of feeling lonely on those long evenings, is stopping you from accepting it from going forward. Being alone is not such a bad thing. Why not accept it and ride it out. You will come out a stronger person as a result of it.
Maybe what you need to do is believe in yourself, occupy yourself, develop yourself to enable you to get through the discomfort of being alone, in those evenings. It' takes a change of self-perspective and attitude. Some females tend to have this inner feeling that a relationship with a man is a substitute for fulfillment and happiness. It's not. Women have to be content and happy with themselves before seeking that. If you don't get there, you could run the risk of just grabbing any male to fulfill that feeling. And careful selection is crucial because looking for someone to ease your loneliness, could land you back in the same situation as before.
This is the time, you should be introspective and think about the right kind of person, who you want to share your life with. Someone who is kind to you, compassionate and has genuine respect for you. He's out there, but it will take time. In the meantime, take charge and find things to do, when you feel lonely. Call family, trusted friends for support..someone to talk to.. Fill your life up with other things like, exercising, walking, going to the gym, fun activities, career enhancement, educational possibilities. Evening courses, possibly? Do something for YOU.
A
female
reader, PsychicDove  +, writes (19 October 2008):
 Hey, you need to go back to him as your relationship still has a future. The breakup is quite premature and if he treats you like a princess during the good moments then he really must have a special feeling for you.
Drugs and Alcohol can bring a beast out of a man and I am aware of that but I can really see that he is the one. Just google up over the internet and find out in which websites they teach REIKI, a japanese healing system capable of releasing age old addictions. There are several websites where they offer free tutorials, and many forums too.
Treat him, he will change within a few months and you two have a very nice future once his addictions get cured.
Take care okay?
Good luck and Best Wishes
~PsychicDove
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A
female
reader, shiraz +, writes (19 October 2008):
hiyah youve been through a lot but look on it and honestly i tell you know you shouldnt be feeling alone you should be feeling proud you got yourself out of where you once were so unhappy and helpless to the situation. you cant change a person they can only do it if they in themselves really want to. itss good youve kept up your socilising carry on doing so! men wont just come along it takes time until you find that decent one. use this time to rebuild yourself as a person and become what you want to be not this broken lost person you have no control over being due to your ex. it seems he ruled your life, he was your life, but now its time to get your own and enjoy it.
Not all guys are the same and you will find someone worthy soon.your friends will have there own relationships but you shouldnt be jealous of that you should be happy your the free single one wanting fun! and i know its hard to tell yourself that going home to an empty house but surely its better than the life you once lead?
Your mates will be there for you and the more socilising the more your more likely to get involved with someone so keep on going out and having fun you deserve it but guy arent everything.
Youve lost inside what you once were due to your ex you have to get it back before you move on to another.
Dont feel because nobodys coming along now, give it time and i know it sounds stupid saying that but it will! a little flirting when you go out with your girls to a guy you like could be the start of something.
you need to sort yourself out inside before you throw yourself into that world though.
It sounds like youve battled through worse so this should be easier to handle. best of luck - post another message to let us know how you get on
your not alone in this at all
(: x
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