A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I just feel so alone right now.My 1 year relationship has broken down after seemingly over night, my boyfriend dumped me, and kicked me out. I'm in the middle of a career change and in September will be studying again, so you can understand that was quite harsh, considering he said he would support me through uni.I really thoguht I knew him. We've been friends for over 10 years.My family has said I can come back to the family home for a few months until I get back on my feet. My Dad said he'd help me financially to find a small place of my own. Which is a great reliefe, I didn't want to give up my dreams and not go to uni.I just feel so vulnerable, so insecure, so unsafe.I range between fury at him - how DARE he treat me like this, so total devastation, uncontrollable tears.We spoke on the phone last night, and I was strong, I told him I deserved better, I didn't try to talk him round like last time (yes he's done exactly the same thing before). I think he was shocked, and expected me to grovel and cry. I think he wanted me to. He was hesitant to get off the phone, wanted to see me in 3 weeks when he's home from working abroad, which struck me as odd. I just need to be strong. I just feel so alone.
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male
reader, anon_e_mouse +, writes (9 January 2008):
 What you're feeling is perfectly normal. I can completely relate and I'm at that stage where I have to be strong. I've been to counselling following leaving my girlfriend as the relationsihp was emotionally abusive, very jealous and possessive.
In the end it got too much. I deserve better and left. It takes guts/courage to leave somebody and deal with it rather than lining up the next person so well done!
Get away and look after yourself. I wrote an article on here earlier today as getting over an EX is a common question here.
I hope it's of some use to you. Take a look: http://www.dearcupid.org/question/how-to-get-over-your-ex.html
BE STRONG!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 January 2008): You do deserve better but it will take time to restore your self esteem. Your family have offered some help so take them up on this. It all takes time so dont expect to be strong over night. I have been in a similar situation and bounced back, i actually became stronger by spending 5 years just me and my son. You will get there, big hugs coming your way. Just let him know when you do speak to him that you are worth better than him and walk with your head held high.
take care
xx
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A
female
reader, Sugarbuns  +, writes (9 January 2008):
 I think in three weeks you should make yourself completely unavailable to him. Don't answer your door. Unplug your phone, don't go near your e-mail account until you know he's back at work abroad. Be strong. I know this will be hard but you need to rid yourself of this guy before you get more serious about him. If you don't your emotions will continue to see-saw back and forth and you'll end up being trapped with an abusive, negligent, self-centered guy who treats you like shit and kicks you to the curb everytime he throws a tantrum. You DO deserve better than that! Let your parents help you find a cute little apartment, fix it up for yourself, make it homey, invite your friends over and stay occupied with concerts, plays, movies, whatever it takes to heal your heart and keep you from being dragged back into a dead end relationship with someone who will never appreciate you. Good luck!
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A
male
reader, Dr Vendetta +, writes (9 January 2008):
 you will always have the love and security of your friends and family. some don't even have this. myself and my family have taken in many stragglers and strays, one was abandoned by her family because of her sexuality, she became apart of our family.
you can do better. to just drop the bomb on someone like this is pretty crappy. tell you what if you're in the east of england i'll take you out for coffee, and cause i'm a gentalman i'll even carry your tray :D
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A
male
reader, emad khan  +, writes (9 January 2008):
 Its difficult when something like this happens. Basically, you have to occupy yourself with your life. In truth, I don't recommend getting back into a relationship with your x, should the opportunity arise- and it may, and you may be tempted to be with him again.
this may be a sign that you really need to grow, and learn to be on your own again. You can't depend on others to put you through school. You have to be independant.
I was in a relationship for 4 years, which ended really painfully for me aswell-
and before that I was in a 3 year relationship.. now I'm alone, and its been a year and a half. I've had opportunities to be with people, however I realized that, now is the time to learn to be on my own...
I believe that we have to learn how to be independant before we can truly be in a love relationship. I'm finally beginning to discover myself, and its taken alot of suffering and lonliness to get to this place of knowledge.
So what i recommend is this: Go to school, get some loan that will enable you to study without asking your parents for the cash. Or if thats not possible, tell your dad you'll pay him back at some point. Go to school-
fullfill your dream- discover yourself spiritually, become a better person (we can always improve!) and in the process of all that, you'll meet someone truly speacial...of that I'm sure! Its difficult being alone,I know! but eventually you'll learn to deal with it, and know yourself better. Whatever you do though, think twice before re-entering into a relationship with your X.
take care
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