A
male
age
36-40,
*erso_anima
writes:Hey guys. My problem is I don't think my fiannce loves me anymore, we have been having problems since before christmas and it just seems like we are going round in circles. She used to tell me everthing any problems she had.I love her so much and she probably doesn't even realise it. I have been with her since she was 12 and 3 months pregnant with somebody elses child. It just seems like our life and relationship has turned into a routine. I get up in the morning and get the kids sorted. Wake her up before I leave for work and pick the kids up in the afternoon. It just seems like she only needs me there as a dad for the kids now. Should I give up so easily?
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female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (8 February 2008):
 Thanks for your update. You need to communicate and keep the lines open.Sometimes we can misunderstand each other.
A
male
reader, Perso_anima +, writes (7 February 2008):
Perso_anima is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thanks for the advice guys.
I have spoke to my girlfriend and we have sorted things out. She thought that i wasn't interested in her anymore since we never have any alone time or go out places without the kids. She has also been suffering from insomina and finds its hard to function.
And baylee our kids are 1 an a half and 3 an a half
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2008): Your fears are probably right.
Getting pregnant with an a**hole's child and then finding a boring nice guy to take care of it is the oldest trick in the book for women.
Most women don't try to do this on purpose, and many never even realize that their internal programming is telling them to do all this. But what does it really matter? The final result is the same either way.
Raising someone else's kids because you love the mother can sometimes be a great & admirable thing to do, but not always. Be a decent guy but don't be a chump.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 January 2008): Tell her just what you have told us. Maybe she thinks things are ok. But i think you both entered into this when you were both children yourself, if she was 12, when she was 3 months pregnant! She has had no child hood never mind youth. And having kids and bringing them up is damned hard for grown up adults never mind kids who should be out there enjoying life etc. Chat to her.
take care
xx
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A
female
reader, AgonyMalika +, writes (26 January 2008):
 I think you should really try talking to her.
If you've tryed and she dosen't want to know then give up on her.
I'm sure she loves you just as much as you do, but as a couple you've got to express your feelings to eachother.
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A
female
reader, Laura1318 +, writes (26 January 2008):
When anything goes wrong in a marriage, we should not think or blame our partners. The fault lies not in her alone but should be shared. You should analyzed where you did wrong instead of blaming her. Maybe you need to talk and really listen to her problems.
You need to work on your marriage.Perhaps , you need to woo her all over again or have romance in your marriage. That would spice up your love life again.Don't take each other for granted.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 January 2008): Hi Hunny,
You are both so young to have this kind of resposability sweetheart, First I like to say you are a fantastic dad and I give you a huge pat on the back for the job you are doing is not an easy one, Im just wondering if your fiance is going through some kind of depression if her behaviour has changed this much and is out of the ordinary, You two could talk about everything and its stopped, Has she gone quiet in other ways? does she sleep alot? and has her mood changed in any way? You may need to sit and have a heart to heart love as she must still be quite young and maybe the pressure of being a young mum has got the better of her. You said she was 12 when she was pregnant, I hope I got that right? Well at that age having a child is not the same as waiting untill you are fully developed as she was still growing herself and may still be hunny, Have either of you got family that could babysit for you so you can talk with her without interuptions and make it a comfortable night for the both of you, You have being an amazing person to do what you have for your family tell your fiance just how much you do love her sweetheart if she is feeling depressed she may not like herself much at the moment. TAKE GOOD CARE OF YOU HUNNY WITH LOVE N HUGS MANDY xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
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A
male
reader, Somethingeasy  +, writes (26 January 2008):
 Yes for real. She is just using you for what sounds like being both parents in one. You dont need to have her in your life either. The children will know the reason that you guys are still together are for the kids. That is a horrible excuse for two people to stay together. Leaving her now will be best. Especially if the kids are young. If you wait to long, it will be harder for the kids later in life.
I speak on behalf of that being my own bringing up. My parents used to tell us the only reason they are still together was for the kids. And a family with love is as good as no family at all.
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A
female
reader, bayleex +, writes (26 January 2008):
 It does sort of sound like your relationship is based around the kids. But until you sit her down and talk to her you will never know. Tell her how you feel and maybe she will open up to you.
Also maybe you should be abit spontaneous take her away for the weekend just you two to spend time together.
Oh and i was just wondering how old are your two children??
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A
female
reader, nailglitter18  +, writes (26 January 2008):
 part of love and part of life is routine. Cinderella found her prince charming- but what happened after the happily ever after?
My mom likes to say that Cinderella got fat, the Prince went bald, and they occasionally got reallly tired of each other.
Disney aside, though....
I felt the same way over Christmas with my love- we seemed to be out of sync. I got depressed, and I thought it was all over. I even told my mother. My mom, however, begged me to give it another chance- that life IS all about ups and downs. Without these downs we can't appreciate the ups!!
I did give my guy another chance, and after the holidays were over, it seems like things smoothed out again. I'm glad I stuck it out.
With kids, it's a little different. They also depend on you for support and such. So I would say that, if not for her, stay in this for the children. Because kids really do need 2 parents, regardless of what this new age tells us. Show them that two people CAN work it out, so that when they grow up, they will have had a good example to base their future relationships on.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 January 2008): Talk with her about it and explain how you feel. It's hard to be in a proper relationship when children are involved because they are the main priority. And I would like to say that you seem to be very amazing bringing up somebody elses child and it seems like you are doing so well.
You do need to talk to her because she may just not have realised she isn't showing much affection anymore. If you never talk with her she may just assume everything is all happy and that you don't mind.
Good Luck!
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