A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:Hello - two months ago I broke up with my 40 year old boyfriend but I hoped it would just be a separation. I haven't contacted him and was surprised that he hadn't contacted me but now I have found out that he is seeing a 26 year old girl. I am gutted! He has two children already and has only just divorced - why would she want all that baggage? He also has a heart condition and doesn't have any money apart from the sale of his house which he has to divide between him and his ex wife. However he is good looking, looks younger than his age but drinks heavily and seems to be on a mission to self destruct! I am a bit older than him but I feel very rejected. I soon have to see him because of my work and I am dreading it because it's going to hurt!
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female
reader, TELLULAH +, writes (2 May 2008):
 Honey! I was with a guy for nearly 12 years, and he made most of it misserable. Eventually I plucked up the courage and left the bugger. He then went out with an American girl who was almost 20 years younger than me. Although I didnt want him, I didnt in my wildest dreams think he could do that good. The American girl was lovely, but because he lived in the UK and her over there it didnt work. Then he went out with one of my mates 10 years younger than me. I was upset because the girl knew what I had been through with him but thought she could change him and ignored my warnings. He left her, and is now dating another girl I know. Who also is under the impression that she will be the one to change him. (she wont) and it has disaster written all over it.
The funny thing is, I now get the ex's come to me, crying over what an arse he is to them. Even funnier!!! I am now mates with him, and advise him where he is going wrong. I am in fact the only woman he listen's to. I would never take him back in a million years, he is a much better friend than a partner. He also never stops telling me how he was stupid to have treated me the way he did. And that he still loves me. I find that really funny and it really doesnt bother me what he thinks of me.
It has taken me 4 years to get to that point though. So give yourself a break, and just remember he wasnt the one for you.
XX
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 May 2008): Listen, why worry....the guys obviously an idiot...who would want some inexperienced woman over a woman with life experience and a whole lot more in common with him...sweetie, you have to realise its HIS loss, no yours....do you really want some twit who thinks only with his prick.....thinking because a woman is younger shes better...hes a fool
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 May 2008): I agree with DanielPew.
I'm sorry it hurts so much. Maybe he's self-destructing or maybe not. It's hard to know.
Try to put yourself in the 26yo girl's position though. In her place and age, wouldn't you probably have wanted to date him the way he is right now anyway? I suspect probably so.
And at the time when you were 26yo and hypothetically dating his current self, would you have thought so badly of him for dating someone younger (like you)? I suspect probably not.
In the long run it's probably not a match between these two. He sounds too far into middle-age life and the 26yo girl is probably not there at all. If they stay together there will be some real difficulties over it.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 May 2008): He's going to be flattered, particularly after a divorce! It's a big age difference and she will want kids and all the rest. Once he realises that he probably won't want to hand around! James
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (2 May 2008):
 It seems you feel hurt because of two things: because you expected him to return to you soon, but he didn't, and because he's dating someone younger. I understand this hurts. My advice is that you put it behind you. Move on; it's the best thing you can do. When you see him for work, do your job and then leave. The sooner you start your life over, the better.
Maybe he is self-destructing himself, but I bet the girl is with him because he has something that attracts her.
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