A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:A year and a half ago I met this guy, we had a fling for two weeks and he returned to his home country. Four months later I went out there to travel, but ende up staying with him in his city for 7 months. We had an intense, unstable, emotional relationship full of jealousy and insecurity. I don't trust him, but I was addicte to him, even though he made me very unhappy at the time. We could recognise something in each other that we really liked, loved even, but he could never commit to being in a relationship with me, despite telling me he loved me. We fought a lot and eventually I decided to come home. I was convinced that he hates me. So I was surprised when he wanted to keep in touch after I got home. I've been home for 7 months now and we've been emailing regularly. He has told me he was really sad after I left as he'd had so many hopes about me going to his country and he was upset it hadn't worked out. He said he still loved me an missed me. Recently we decided to talk on the phone for the first time in 7 months. I was really upset by the conversation we had. Hearing his voice made me remember all the feelings I had when I was out there. I was especially upset when he told me he had a "friend" staying with him at the moment, a girl, an old housemate of his. He told me she was very attractive and kept getting asked out by everyone. I felt sick with jealousy. I don't understand why he told me this. It was so hurtful. I emailed him and told him how I felt, expecting him to deny being with this girl. He didn't and his reply was ambiguous and confusing. He told me I was beautiful and that he loved me and said he would be happy if we managed I see each other again. I felt so sad. I told him we had to stop emailing anymore. I thought he would resist, but he didn't even reply. It's been a week and I've not heard anything. I feel like he's rejected me! I always thought we would meet again and under different circumstances a relationship might work (we know we put too much pressure on it to work the first time). Was this unrealistic? I feel destroyed by he idea of him with this beautiful girl, who is apparently going to be in his city for a year. I feel so jealous, and sad because we will probably never speak again. How long will it take to stop hurting? I haven't met anyone else since him and in a way I feel jealous that he has moved on before me.
View related questions:
jealous Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, sugarplum786  +, writes (29 November 2012):
 Hi, dont contact him ever again, yes it is hard, but after a telephone call you feel miserable, do you think after a break you call and will not feel the same? Why risk hurting yourself all over again. Also if he wants you back he should be doing the calling as he knows how you feel.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 November 2012): Original post: "I told him we had to stop emailing anymore. I thought he would resist, but he didn't even reply. It's been a week and I've not heard anything. I feel like he's rejected me!"
Follow up: "I told him not to email me anymore, a week ago, in no uncertain terms. And he didn't reply. I assumed he would at least reply to say goodbye"
You told him NOT to e-mail you in no uncertain terms, and now you're disappointed he didn't reply?
"I always thought we would meet again and under different circumstances a relationship might work (we know we put too much pressure on it to work the first time). Was this unrealistic?"
Not unrealistic; obsessive, irrational, delusional.
"Do you think in a few months I could contact him again?"
You could, and then maybe you'll get a reply and therefore the attention you so desperately crave in the form of a restraining order.
I can only suggest you seek counselling as I suspect you have long-term, deep-seated issues that are motivating and driving your behavior in ways you are simply incapable of comprehending. You need help, support, informsation and knowledge to understand and overcome whatever it is that is leading you down a very unhealthy, self-harming path.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 November 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your responses! It looks like I have to cut ties with him. It just makes me feel so sad! I hope we would be able to stay in touch as friends. Before the phone call I was definitely close to getting over him. I wasn't thinking about him as much as before and I had had some crushes since getting home. Now he is in my mind so much and I feel like I've ruined my chances of having him in my life again. I told him not to email me anymore, a week ago, in no uncertain terms. And he didn't reply. I assumed he would at least reply to say goodbye, but he seems to have just accepted it happily, now that he's found someone else (or so I assume). After a year and a half I just feel so sad that its finally ended. Do you think in a few months I could contact him again?
...............................
A
female
reader, sarcy24  +, writes (28 November 2012):
 I had a very pwerful and emotional relationship with a man similar to what you are describing when I was in my early 20's. I literally hung on his every word and was indescribibly drawn to him. He had many female friends and the jealousy I felt tore me apart. Eventaully the 'relationship' had to end as it was damaging me both mentally and physically and making me crazy and unable to think about anything else. From what you describe this seems very similar to me. You need to cut all ties with this chap - he is not trustworthy , is clearly extremely manipulative and is hurting you. Whether he is doing this willingly I cannot say but the fact that he knows you really feel something for him and yet he still says the kind of ambiguous comments that he does leads me to believe that he knows you care for him a great deal. He manages to push all your buttons but in the wrong way and I would leave him alone. There is a good chance that he will come to you and make contact as he won't like being ignored so play it very cool especially if you really want him.
...............................
A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (28 November 2012):
 OP you need to get this guy out of your life. He is toxic for you and definitely not the right person for you to be with. Your relationship was unstable, in your own words. It was something that gave you an adrenaline rush and the passion kept you going but that's not what a healthy relationship should be like and you know that too. Stop communicating with him, cut off all contacts and cut him out of your life. You are just hurting yourself by talking to him. Trust me OP, you will get over it, it will take some time to heal but don't scratch the wound. Let him go, let him do whatever he wants, its not your concern.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 November 2012): it may be hard for now but i think you are better off without him,u deserve better than what he gives u always remember that.dont settle for rubbish
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 November 2012): Big hug to you..
It's hard to walk away this fast since you "invested" your feelings in this "r/s". Let it "torture" you for a moment, and then move on. Just a MOMENT, and not too long.. HUGS
...............................
|
