A
female
age
30-35,
*eople.People
writes:I constantly feel this pressure from my friends,or the whole damn society that I should have a boyfriend. I've liked a couple of guys,but nothing happened because I didn't want to. I find love a bit stupid,because you just end up hurt. And I don't want to get hurt. I usually like a guy for a couple of days and then just try and most of the time successed at getting rid of the feeling. I would like that to change,I am really shy but I try not to be. Also,I would like to have a geek/nerd boyfriend but they are a lot harder to find than you would think...lolI suppose my questions are,how to be more outgoing and how to let someone know you like them,without making a fool out of yourself?
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female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (8 November 2010):
 "how to be more outgoing and how to let someone know you like them,without making a fool out of yourself?"
Ah, but there's the thing. Being outgoing means you are willing to make a fool of yourself. Letting someone know you like them means having to stick your neck out (like a turtle) and risk looking foolish.
Most of life's great moments are also the times when we are at greatest risk of looking like a fool. We ALL look foolish at one time or another. It just is part of life. NO ONE escapes looking foolish at one point or another. No one!
Part of what you are feeling is very common and usual for teenagers. It is horrendously hard to get through the teen years without feeling like EVERYONE is looking at you and judging you and finding you wanting, for girls, at least. I have big news for you. Most everyone around you, your friends and family, love you and think you are great. They do. If they are telling you to get a boyfriend, it is a clumsy way of letting you know that they want you to be happy. They may be misguided and they may not understand, but their heart is in the right place.
Society's message, well, you can decide for yourself what YOU want from life. When I see someone say that "society" demands this or that from them, it tells me that they need to unplug from popular culture. Stop watching so much television, stop reading those magazines, stop being so influenced by people who are simply trying to sell you toothpaste, or soft drinks, or make up or hair products or perfume. UNPLUG! Be your own person, be confident in your own skin and in your own worth.
Confidence comes when you feel you have something to say, something to offer, something to contribute. Work on that, and the rest will follow.
A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (8 November 2010):
 Before you go out to find a boyfriend, I think you need to change your fundimental views about relationships. It is true that with them comes hurt, but with them also comes great joy. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. You're also predetermining failure simply with your attitude.
Nerdy/geeky boys are generally shy as well. They are more likely to talk to you through a computer than face to face. That can be good and bad.
The best way to let someone know you like them is to tell them. I've tried all the romantic things. The little hints. The thoughtful gifts... While these things demonstrate feelings, there is no substitute for the point blank delivery of "I like you. Wanna go out sometime?" That way you get immediate feedback as well. Knowing how they feel often is the harder part of the equation anyway.
While it may feel like you're making a fool of yourself, others rarely view it that way. Many people wish they had the courage to take that step. Don't be afraid to put yourself out there, but wait until you're ready.
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