A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Are we dating/getting to know each other or are we just hooking up?- known each other for four weeks- he's always followed up on everything he planned or said- he pays for everything (even though I offer and sometimes we split)- he never pressured me for anything sexual and it was my decision to start having sex- I've slept over his place once and we spent the entire day after together- I've met his friends and coworkers once already- we do fun things, like go hiking and visit museums- he holds my hand in public- he's very affectionate in private- compliments me often- we see each other one-twice per weekbut- he never calls me unless its to discuss plans- there has been no mention of exclusivity or what's going on?As a girl, I'm just not a fan of the gray area,but at the same time, I won't want to freak out the guy by seeing paranoid and asking him what's going on if everything is going alright.
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the responses! In the past, the guys have generally been the ones to bring it up quickly after things started to get physical, and since he hadn't said anything, this is why I was confused.
I guess I can see the point of view that it could be awkward for some guys.
A
male
reader, Odds +, writes (9 November 2010):
 "he never calls me unless its to discuss plans"
Guys generally don't do that unless they're experienced enough to know that women seem to want that.
"there has been no mention of exclusivity or what's going on?"
Some guys find it awkward to bring up. Just bring it up yourself. Tell him he's a great guy, you like him, and you'd like to be official. Don't use the phrase "Where is this going?" or he'll think it's a trap.
It sounds like you're an item to me, but you can be certain just by asking him. He sounds like the kind of guy who would respond honestly.
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (9 November 2010):
 You're in the dating/getting to know each other phase that's why he's not calling you unless you two have plans. Take away all that and have just the sex part, that's hooking up. In the grey area for a month, that's about right..however within the next 2 weeks I would casually mention face to face on your next date, "So we've been seeing each other for (however long) but where is this going?" play it off like you're confused..If you outright ask "What are we?" then that's coming across as pushy. I wouldn't give it any longer than another month before you start asking what's going on.
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A
female
reader, mizz.butterflies +, writes (8 November 2010):
 ur not a fan of the grey area yet u sleep with a guy so soon?
Sounds contradictory to me.
Also,every relationship is different...right now you are dating.if u are visiting museums together and he's paying for u ur dating. hooking up means having a drink before you have sex or just have sex.
Keep doing what ur doing. Dont bring up any talk of exclusivity.show him u are interested.
as for the call part...call him once ,keep it really short and be like "Hey...how you doing?" "I wanna know hows your day going so far..."
u cant expect the other person to do everything.
if u want someone to do somethin for u,u can start by doing it.
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