A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Dear Cupid,I am 28 years old and my boyfriend is 27. We have been together for almost a year now. Everything was great and he always treats me like a queen. But recently, we started to fight over stupid little things. Due to that, he has tried to break up with me several times because, according to him, it drives him crazy eventhough he loves me. He rather have a girlfriend who he is less happy with but with less 'drama' as he describes our fights. He says he loves me very much and he acts that way absolutely but I feel like he gives up too easy? I am always the one begging im to talk to me etc. So last night he wanted a break or broke up with me because he believes he is happier without me and he can not live with me if we argue over little things. He always cries when he breaks up with me? He wants to be away from me so I can think about if I trully want to be with him and he thinks that things really need to change if we got back together he says he loves me and does not want to leave me but he feels like he has to if there's no future? He just text me that he did not sleep all night and he loves me. He just doesn't feel like this relationship is healthy anymore. He usually can not stand being away from me for a week! He thinks I am immature and I have to change but I don't see him doing that? He feels weird for starting the new year without me and he hopes I can figure out what I want and if I am really happy with him? Someone who doesn't really want to be with me? I find it very confusing because last week he made me a photoframe and a poem for christmas with our picture in it and he was being very sweet? He is still being sweet to me and want us to both take a step back and change? Is this an excuse?
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female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (30 December 2013):
 Men hate drama. You seem a bit clingy and he is probably in a panic wondering if he's going to be attached to a 'clingy nagging drama queen' for the rest of his life.
Is this fixable?...yes but I think it's you that needs to look at your own behaviour. He is more or less, asking you to do this anyway. He is saying 'too much drama' 'too many arguments'
If you are trying to second guess him, if you are always trying to test his loyalty, if you are always critisizing him for not doing what you want, then he is going to withdraw.
Do you trust him?
Do you worry that he's going to leave and never come back?
Do you insist he 'talks about it', when he doesn't want to?
Do you need constant reassurance that everything is OK?
This sort of stuff often leads to stupid arguments and it's not long before they turn into huge cracks.
Think about your own actions and words, don't be attacking all the time and give him space when he asks for it.
It sounds as if he loves you a lot but you seem to want it all your own way and. believe me, you can only play that game for so long before the other person decideds it's time to end things.
Time apart might be exactly what you both need right now...you both have stuff to work on.
Good luck.
A
female
reader, llifton  +, writes (30 December 2013):
 i think he is being very sincere with you. i think he is communicating with you that he cannot and will not have a relationship with a person who he argues with.
i know for me, personally, i could not be with a person who i fought with frequently. i couldn't handle the drama, either. because that's what it is. i absolutely despise fighting and i won't do it.
yes, fighting happens from time to time, and is occasionally unavoidable. but if it becomes frequent, it becomes incredibly emotionally draining. and i don't have time for a relationship like that.
it doesn't mean that he doesn't love you. it seems very much like he does. he wants you two to work out. but he knows in his heart that unless things change, he will have no choice but to walk away.
don't see this as him giving up too easily. on the contrary. see this as him making an effort to salvage your relationship. he loves you and wants to stop fighting. so see if you can't take a few days to a week and get your head on straight. see if you can't try to learn how to get along better and stop fighting so that you two can make it work.
he's communicating that there's a problem. don't ignore it.
good luck.
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