A
male
age
41-50,
*urtingandtorn
writes:i am in love with a woman that has a boyfriend of over a year now, we have been seeing each other for several months now and been intimate. she says she loves her boyfriend but he doesn't love her. she insists on remaining with him. she says she feels very strongly about me but doesn't think its time for us. it tears my heart apart to just think of her being with him and not me. i don't know what to do.
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male
reader, GrimmReality +, writes (3 August 2009):
 Hurtingandtorn....Sorry but time for G.R. to burst your bubbleWelcome to the big bad world...YOU GOT PLAYED!She will continue to dangle the intimacy carrot in front of you like a dirt farmer dangles a carrot in front of a donkey. She is still with him because she knows she can cheat with you and he will probably still take her back.(she may be cheating on him, but apparently he is good enough to keep around for some financial or personal stability reason)which means that she really does not care about YOU either. If you like feeling like the way you are right now then by all means continue seeing her,because its as good as its gonna get with this cheat. Plus she WILL do it to you(she really is already, but you are blinded by your emotions).Stay away from her....this sounds about a malignant a situation as you can have, and either way she chooses, you are not gonna be happy.she can chose her man, and you will pine for her, and what could have been...ORShe can choose YOU(which ultimately you want, right? I mean why write here if you just wanted to give this up?)...at which time after the grace period wears off, you will begin to wonder who she is spending her time texting with, hiding her phone from you for...you know, all the same stuff she is doing to her BF now to step out with you! And then you will realize that you made your first mistake ever aiding her in cheating, as you lie awake in bed at 2 a.m. wondering why her phone has gone straight to Voice mail, and she wont answer your texts while she is out "with a friend".Yep, remember my post after you two become an item and you are practicing saying to yourself in front of the mirror: "but I know she is different and would NEVER cheat on ME"!
A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (3 August 2009):
You need to let her go and stay with her boyfriend that supposidly doesn't love her. You know this makes no sense, right? Her relationship is that horrible, that she cheats on her boyfriend, he doesn't love her, but she wants to stay with him...even though she feels "very strongly" about you? Apparently she would rather be miserable than with you, so obviously she has problems. Cheaters are usually liars too, so I wouldn't believe too much of what she tells you anyway.
What qualities does she have that makes you want to be with her so badly? Is it because you want what you can't have? Time and again...as always, if she cheats WITH YOU, she'll cheat ON YOU. If anybody should be upset, her boyfriend should be. It tears your heart apart that she's with him? She's been with him long before she met you. Get over this chick, she's a loser.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 August 2009): I don't know why she's with her boyfriend if he doesn't love her I don't get it. How do you know he doesn't love her, did she tell you that ? If she feels strongly with you and you feel the same for her, I think you both should be together.
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