A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I have been posting asking for advice in relation to moving on a mutual attraction. I have been trying to get out of a relationship but find it hard as do not want to be totally alone. I feel b/f is seeing other peoplke as he has not been with me since our holiday in Aug.This eveining he turned up on my door step unannouced. I did not let him in. He makes me feel ugly and treats me as if he is embarrassed of me. I have never met his family. Our child is nearly 7 and I hate the way our relationship is. I want to get married and have a happy extended family. I have my eyes on someone he knows. This guys family likes me and his mum is great with me and my son. i cant stop thing about this other guy.My b/f I feel wants to talk as I send him away and then he tried ringing but I did not answer. I started crying as I am so unhappy and I bet for sure I will be left on my own again at xmas. when I first had my child he did the same and I dropped into the most serious depressions I have ever known. I thoiught being wit him would be different. We have not spent a proper xmas together for the years we have been together and I hate it. When I realise how old I am getting amd most of my life has been miserable, I just want whats left to be happy.Any advice.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 December 2009): It's better to be alone than to be with someone who treats you so terribly. Dump him and be happy.
A
female
reader, To A New Life  +, writes (14 December 2009):
It was great you send him away. It must have been very hard, but that shows you have the strength and courage.
As for being afraid of being alone, don't be. Don't think about that, but think about what you need to do to secure a future for your child; education, career, excercise, and focus on your child.
Men and women will come and go, love is at best fleeting and fickled for most, but your child is for life. If you invest all your love and emotions that you have for your bf and desireing a partner, and turn it all onto your child, and focus on a better future for the two of you, everything else will fall into its proper places, but most of all, you'll be truely happy.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2009): Welcome to "mid life".We evaluate how far we have come and accomplished.There are books to help guide through this time.
I think you dumped the B/F whether you think so or not.
I find it amazing how single people think marriage will make them happy and married people think being single will make them happy.
I think your perception of your "self" is distorted and warped.
Our happiness should never depend on someone else.
This is a time to find yourself pursue hobbies and interests first.Love will find you with a healthy life.
A therapist could help if you can afford one.
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A
female
reader, dazey  +, writes (14 December 2009):
why did you send him away? You should probably have it out with him. It's odd that you haven't met his family yet you have a 7 year old kid together. I think it's time to give him his ultimatum. Work out what you want from him, ask him for it and the rest is up to him.
Good luck, and remember, you won't be on your own at xmas, you have a little boy to keep you entertained and to entertain so don't forget how special xmas will be for him.
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A
male
reader, called Steve  +, writes (14 December 2009):
 OMG - this posting is so sad...
Why do you stay in a relationship that you are not happy in? Despite your fear of being alone, I think it is a time for reflection. Time to come to terms with who you are, where you are and to regroup and ultimately define and plan your destination. Without 'alone' you cant mourn for the relationship and move on. Jumping into another relationship too soon is not really ending the first, merely a continuation of... and you cant learn anything.
You owe it; not only to yourself, but also to your child's future to be happy.
You 'want' to get married? It seems that your outlook towards relationships is a little immature, when you're in a proper relationship and you love whoever it is you're with, that will change. For marraige to work you have to NEED to get married, as if you cant survive without it! Marriage should never be taken lightly... otherwise it ends too soon.
Good luck - but I feel you need 'alone' to gather your thoughts and plan for what could be a very happy future...
Steve x
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