A
female
age
41-50,
*issmenow
writes:should i get married? i have been in a relationship for almost 5 years, and have been engaged for 8 months. I have lived in apartment with him for about 41/2 years... and things have been good... except for the last couple months. We are supposed to get married in about 7 months from now- but i have been having doubts lately. He is freaking out for small, ridiculous things, yells, screams and it seems as though he would rather be with anyone else, or anywhere else than with me. Just tonight- he said im more hassel than good- and i annoy him. we just recently bought a house together- and its currently being renovated... so i dont know if he's stressed over that- or has just turned into a jerk. i try to go out of my way to do nice things, always do his laundry, make/bring him food, etc. when i call him..to see what he's up to- if its not 'important' he gets frustrated and freaks out, because im 'bothering him'. i feel like he's pushing me away- and i dont know if he's aware or not. I love him, but not the way he has been treating me lately. ive tried to talk to him... he seems to care/ change for a day- and then go back to being a jerk. I dont think i want to live the rest of my life this way- i just dont know about cutting my losses now, after i have invested so much time and effort. Also, with the new house...it could be tricky and cause trouble if we dont remain together. what should i do???
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 December 2009): You need to put the wedding on hold to let him know you're serious and see if you can work this out. Even if he is stressed out, that is no reason for him to treat you this way. If he was a little grumpy I could understand, but he's gone way beyond that! Don't be unhappy for the rest of your life, be glad you saw his true colors now rather than later. If you do break up, I bet you could sell the house after the renovations are done and get at least some of your money back.
A
female
reader, Princess D.  +, writes (17 December 2009):
 Hey, I am engaged and having second thoughts as well and I've only been engaged for eleven days, and been with my fiance for 3years.Love isn't enough to keep a relationship going and he doesn't do the things he use to. He doesn't provide for me, well, he never use to. I have always been independent but now that I am engage to him it is his reponsibility to provide without me asking.
I think you should stop calling him, mayb go away for 2 weeks, friends house, or parents house. Stop checkin for him, silent treatment works wonders. Hang out with friends show him u can have a life outside of him , a very happy one. Hop ethis helps.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2009): You know that he is acting differently because you suspect his current life stresses are affecting him so why are you acting the same way? Don't call him if you have nothing important to say-save it for the meetup @ home. Since you say he acts like a jerk at times leave him alone for now until things cool down and when he asks you why YOU'VE changed you can relate what you've written here.
I do not think that he is trying to push you away. I think he is stressed. Perhaps work is taxing him psychologically at the moment and with all the responsibilities, the new house, the renovations plus the upcoming wedding plus you berating him he is losing it.
You don't say if you have children so that would add to it as well. Perhaps he has TOO MANY responsibilities and his plate is full. Have you asked him how you can help him out in that area?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2009): The stress cracks are showing in the foundation of your relationship.Besides you have been living together for years.What will really change if you get married.My guess is the trapped caged fear feeling of marriage is kicking in and will get worse when married.He's been getting the milk for free so far and now he has to buy the cow.
He's doing the push- pull. Act like a jerk then act sweet.We have learned from women to act this way.When we act sweet all the time we get Dumped.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (14 December 2009):
 Damn, if only you had waited for a bit before making the financial committment to buy and renovate, it does make your life difficult, but we are all smarter with hindsight!
I dont know how much of your money you have invested in this, but you may need to weigh up the debt against how you are feeling, he certainly sounds like a jerk, I dont beleive in ultimatums, they rarely go the way we want, but you could tell him you are having second thoughts, and see what his reaction is, if he blows up again, walk, and give him a week or so to cool off, if he seems shocked then get him to try and vocalise what is wrong, he may also be feeling the pressure of having committed financially as well as emotionally
Good luck, either way
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