A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am so lost and looking for advice as to whether I should try and move onI have been with my boyfriend for 6 years. We own a home together (no children) and are both in our late 20s. He has cheated on me in the past (never physical, but phone/internet sex) but this was over a year ago and he was genuine in his apologies and vows to never do it again. He really is a great guy, a fantastic provider and we have such a great time together and share the same sense of humor. However, for as long as I can remember I have these feelings on and off that we are more like best friends. Sex is an effort and it is me that has to initiate it, which I only do to try and assure myself our relationship is OK. There is no spark, and I find myself looking at and flirting with other men a lot more than I should. I am worried that I may cheat. My boyfriend and I never did have a great spark to begin with, but he was a "nice guy" which is what I needed after many bad experiences! We never had a great sex life.I am worried that if I leave, I will regret leaving someone who really does treat me well and I genuinely get along with. I'm worried about where I would even start with a new life. But I know that I am not being fair by staying when I feel this way. I have tried to talk to him about it, and he says he can change, but I don't know what I can ask him to do... when I look at him I just don't feel that longing, which makes me feel like a horrible person.....
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best friend, cheated on me, flirt, move on, sex life, spark Reply to this Question
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female
reader, tennisstar88  +, writes (29 August 2010):
 You're already stronger than you think, you ended the relationship and moved out. Those 2 steps right there are the hardest part!!! But you did it, yaaayyyyy! Now, the next part is not to relapse...Yeah, there was 6 years in it, and you miss the idea of a relationship but now you can breathe. Free to do as you want and date whomever you fancy next. Don't settle for less, search for that spark that knocks you on your ass!!!
A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (29 August 2010):
You're already stronger than you think, you ended the relationship and moved out. Those 2 steps right there are the hardest part!!! But you did it, yaaayyyyy! Now, the next part is not to relapse...Yeah, there was 6 years in it, and you miss the idea of a relationship but now you can breathe. Free to do as you want and date whomever you fancy next. Don't settle for less, search for that spark that knocks you on you're ass!!!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 August 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThankyou so much for your advice.
I have now left the relationship and moved out of our home and am now trying to start again.
He was incredibly upset which is incredibly hard to deal with, as he really is a great guy.
Now the challenge is to be strong and stick to my gut as a big part of me feels guilt and misses the companionship and wants to go back....
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A
female
reader, jacqui  +, writes (24 August 2010):
Your young enough to find some great guy who does tick all the boxes, if you were say late 50's early 60's then I would understand, but in your 20's you want to experience that grand passion. And if it fizzles and bursts, at least you had a go,imagine your life 20 years from now, with your lovely man, but without passion...................?? And if your ok with that, then stay, if not, then do what you have to do.
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (22 August 2010):
Well, if the spark was never there from the get go then it surely isn't going to ignite now. No spark, chemistry, or passion=a crap sex life. Alright, if you find yourself flirting with others then go ahead and end this relationship before you do enact on more than just flirting. Be true to yourself and your boyfriend, it's not working anymore and I don't know how it's lasted this long. He can try to change however it is what it is. End the relationship don't continue this any further, you can start a new life it's difficult to grasp but trust me it's definitely possible and very much worth it. Be happy and true to yourself, next guy make sure there's that spark!
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A
male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (22 August 2010):
 Don't feel down on yourself just because you feel this way. NOT being in love with him does not make you a horrible person.
Just tell him that it's not something he can change because you just don't feel that way about him, it's nothing you can change either. You can tell him that you still want to best friends but you just aren't looking to be more with him.
I hope that helps.
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