A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I feel miserable after I ejaculate/Orgasm. I have never been satisfied with masturbation and now I have started being sexually active again after some time I was hoping I would enjoy orgasm more but I get the feelings of being loved up with the person but as soon as I orgasm I feel depressed, regretful, and want to be alone even though I think I really like this girl.Any thoughts?
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male
reader, DoubleM  +, writes (31 July 2012):
 In all my years, I suppose there was some degree of post-orgasm let down, and that's why we usually go to sleep soon after. I cannot pretend to provide medical or phycological explanations, but I think that hormones or chemicals, possibly called dopamines (or something like that), get released and then that release exhausts you. In my case, I never thought too much about it and, if with a woman, just snuggled and went to sleep. Always felt rosy by morning.
A
male
reader, no nonsense Aidan +, writes (30 July 2012):
Two thoughts spring to mind:
1) Your body is awash with hormones and chemicals when you have sex, that’s what makes it so pleasurable. There’s bound to be some kind of come-down afterwards, perhaps some people feel it more acutely than others. A low mood after ejaculation is certainly something I’ve heard of before in men.
2) Some people associate sex with negative emotions. They may enjoy sex with their partner, but in the past sex has given them cause to feel regret, shame, anger, sadness or pain. Perhaps you have some residual negative emotional associations with sex from your past, which don’t affect you in the heat of the moment, but afterwards when things have calmed down.
This low mood after orgasm is certainly something you should seek further advice on, more expert than that which I’ve given you. Your doctor, or a sex counsellor may be able to help further. Also speak to your girlfriend about this if you haven’t already done so, so you both can work out how you might make the low moods a little more bearable together. For example, could you do something nice together after sex to take your mind off the low mood?
I wish you all the very best.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 July 2012): I think I know how you feel. I used to have the same problem where I would feel great and turned on at first, but as soon as I had climaxed, I started to feel bad. For me it was basically a hang-up. I grew up in a conservative small town with the believe that sex/masturbation was somehow shamelful and dirty. I made a concious effort to change my way of thinking, and after a while it got better. So are you religious or had a conservative upbringing? Sometimes people are able to rationally acknowledge that this is nonsense, but deep down they still feel shameful.
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