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female
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anonymous
writes: My back is full of scars and my ex-bf used to look at it and ask whether I could get surgery to get rid of them and his comments always upset me terribly. I have a new bf now that has felt my back but has never seen it and always says how lovely it is and how soft it feels and how warm I feel--he says the same thing about my body. I am not a skinny minnie, but I am an average size 8 and just like my back, my ex-bf used to say I needed to lose more weight and tone up while my new bf tells me he loves my body. I don't know if this makes a difference, but I had a sexual relationship with my ex and he saw me naked and really saw how I looked like truthfuly while in my new relationship we've both agreed to be celibate---I feel like my new bf doesn't know the truth about my body and how unappealing it really is--am I lying to him? Should I tell him the truth about it? He always tells me he loves it, but I know his opinion would change if he actually saw it--should I actually show him my back or tell him about this? Am I being too hard on myself? thanks you very much
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female
reader, purrfectionist84 +, writes (13 January 2006):
 I'm so glad that everything worked out for you! See, I told you it wouldn't be a big deal! :-)
I have some acne scars on my back. I always thought they were something to be ashamed of (though I wasn't TOO insecure or self-conscious), but it turns out that my boyfriend has them, too.
Our imperfections are what makes us "perfect," if that makes any sense.
Hugs and best wishes.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi, I just wnated to thank everyone for their answers and I actually did get the opportunity to show him my back and all he said was that "oh, that's nothing--I ahve the same stuff on my back"...but we didn't really talk about my intense self-cosious feelings I had about them, but maybe that will come alter--I feel much better after having shown him what I was so worried he'd be disgusted about...it makes me feel relieved he reacted in a very calm way...my scars are from chicken poix and my back is full of them--I think one of you guys asked me about it, but really thansk for everything i appreaciate it
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A
female
reader, purrfectionist84 +, writes (10 January 2006):
Hey,
Try talking to your current boyfriend about your insecurities with the scars. If he truly cares about you, and he knows how self-conscious you are about them, then he will be warm and understanding, and he'll tell you how beautiful you are anyway! I'm very confident that this will be the case, and that the sooner you talk to him, the sooner you'll find that you have nothing to worry about!
I doubt that your boyfriend will find your body unappealing or repulsive in any manner. He has agreed to be celibate, which means that he isn't in the relationship for sex, and he values everything that is great about your personality and mind. The emphasis here is not on your body, though he loves it just the same!
Your ex-boyfriend sounds like a real jerk, completely shallow and superficial. Don't be hard on yourself. Most people are a lot more considerate, and your current boyfriend sounds like the considerate type.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 January 2006): Why do u have scars on your back? im curious becuase im sure your current bf will ask also and if he is any type of a man unless the scars came from killing kittens or little kids he will love you for whats on the inside not what is on the outside. not to mention the fact you need to get right with yourself you need to be comfortable in your own skin if you were they you wouldnt care about what anyone thought about your back not to mention the fact that u could use it as a little test for your new man to see if he does like you for whats on the inside anyway good luck.
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 January 2006): your ex-bf sounds like a total ass-hole, dont worry about guys like him, his just a pig. your new boyfriend sounds great, your ex sounds like he did not really care or love you or repect your feelings so im happy to hear your not with him anymore, your new boyfriend sounds like a caring guy and i think you should tell him about your scars, i think yes you are being too hard on yourself about this, appearance is not everything in a relationship.
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 January 2006): Yes - you are being too hard on yourself. Your ex sounds awful to say that to you especially about your weight as well, that is way out of line and very rude.
I wouldn't worry too much, your new boyfriend sounds like a much more considerate and understanding guy - I'm sure he will be fine with it.
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