A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my boyfriend for six years, we are 20, we live together, we study, we get along really great, we always laugh and have a great time together, we're best friends.For the last few years he doesn't put effort in to make me feel special, when im hurt, sad or lonely it doesnt seem to bother him because he just acts as if everything is normal and changes the topic. At the start of our relationship he was really great with making me feel better and showing emotion doing cute special things but now it feels like he doesnt have any emotions, to do with our relationship anyway.I feel like the romance in our relationship is slowly fading away. I have tried, i really have, i paid for a holiday for us both to get away and have fun for the week... i buy him a tv just because i love him, i will go out of my way to drive him 45 minutes to work so he doesnt have to catch the train at 7am just because i want to make him happy... i feel like i have been trying but he hasnt...On my birthday he didnt get me a present or a card...for our 6 year anniversary he wanted to be incharge of organising what we were going to do... he said he was going to suprise me...i was worried because lately he hasnt been putting any effort in and i thought he would dissappoint me, but i let him organise it anyway and it turned out to be a disaster... we went out for lunch... that was his big idea of a special day.... we go out for lunch 3-4 days a week anyway! ...in his defence he did buy me a nice expensive necklace... however if he would of taken any notice of me or listened to me lately he would know i dont want any necklaces and that i would have rathered something i needed or could use! and i hated the necklace...:( its not my style or anything he admitted to me that he got it because he liked it and wanted me to wear it.Ive been staying at my parents recently for the uni holidays and i asked him if he wanted to come over tomorrow, he is working on the week end and he said no i dont want to come over because i want a day off. As in he has been working a fair bit over the school holidays (not full time hours, but more than what he usually works which is like 1 day a week) and he wanted a day off before he had to work again. This hurts me a lot as if i am hard work? I'm the one in the relationship that has had to work extra hard, ive worked so much more than him and given him most of the money i have earnt. I dont even know what i am feeling at the moment... im not sure but im leaning towards the feelings that he isnt inlove with me anymore.... but we get along so well that its so hard to tell... but he isn't romantic with me... i mean he hugs me and kisses me but it just doesnt feel all that romantic... and he never makes me feel special :(I tell him all the time that i feel sad that i dont feel special to him because he never does anything out of the ordinary/spontaneous or special for me but he says dont worry im gonna do something very soon you need to be patient...he has been saying this for the last 2 years :( and still nothing...Opinions and advice on the situation will be greatly appriciated
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 July 2010): You have been dating since you were 14? Only him? Why? Why are you living with a guy you aren't married to?He is more than taking you for granted, he is looking for his exit and using you until he finds some other woman to use...Sorry if this sounds blunt, but the truth hurts. This relationship is already over, coming to an end, all the signs are there. It is totally one sided, yours.Cut him off at the pass, pack your boxes and move out, stop putting all your eggs in one basket. The guy isn't your husband, he hasn't made a real committment to you, and you have been brainwashed into thinking that this doesn't matter in the modern world. Rubbish, men are men and when they don't step up to the plate there is a reason for it. He's a selfish, self centered jerk for one.Don't feel stupid or ashamed, but the vast majority of young love relationships started before the age of 20 rarely last, the two people are more dependent on each other than in love, which is why you "work so hard" at putting effort in and taking care of him, playing house is not he same as a real committed relationship....I think it is time for both of you to spread your wings and be single for awhile, you don't know who you are outside of this couple...unless you are satisfied living someone elses agenda, not knowing who or what you are about, then keep on keeping on, giving him space is good,but I think it should be in the form of a breakup.Be thankful for the time you shared, but it is not meant to last, not all relationships are....get used to it.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks karen, this really puts things into perspective for me. I'll work on this.
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A
male
reader, Jmtmj +, writes (7 July 2010):
 I agree 100% with karen. Give the man some space, it'll help.
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A
female
reader, karen1989  +, writes (7 July 2010):
 Men always make more effort at the start of a relationship,this is because they want to make sure we're theres. once they know your not going anywhere they slowly begin to make less effort.
All relationships need a spruce up after a while.
some time apart is probably the opposite of what u want to do at the moment. but it may just save your realtionship if you want your kisses and cuddles and special treats then you've got to make him miss you. try not to spend so much time with him. and another thing you spend most of your money on him? this has to stop. It will make him appreciate all the things you usually do for him.
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