A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:Ive been feeling very down lately. Ive come to realise that in my life in every aspect of it I am an outsider. And Ive lived this way for years and now I dont like it. I will start with work. I work in an office of 6 other women of all different ages. Im liked but Im not in their little clique. I get invited to social outings but Im not close enough to chat with them privately outside of work so I dont bother go along. Then my friends. Suprisingly, I have a large social circle of friends. We go on holidays and have great times but again I dont feel close to them and sometimes I feel im only there to make numbers up, even tho they are all nice to me and get on well. The thing with my group of friends is that some of the,m have very strong personalities whereas Im quite shy so Im often overlooked. But lately I have found that they go on shopping trips or go to each others houses and i dont get invited. I dont think this is because they dont want me there I think its because they just forget about me. Sometimes I feel like ditching them all as friends but then I would have nobody. Then theres my family. Im the middle child and have 2 sisters and again I feel like an outsider. I have a confidence problem Im shy and when I speak to people I worry that they think that Im weird. If only I could get this out of my head I know I wil be fine but it wont go, I cant help thinking it. Im 25. Is there any way I can stop feeling like this?
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female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (6 February 2009):
I get the impression that although you are shy, you come across as unapproachable.
You say you are not close enough to chat to your work mates so you don't go out...... This makes no sense. GO OUT and you will find things to chat about, it's easy, just chat along, open yourself up a bit. Take a risk!
Same with your other friends, try ringing one of them and seeing if they want to do something.
Also, join some clubs, take up a new hobby and volunteer. You may feel shy but you just have to put yourself out there a bit!
Good Luck!! xx
A
female
reader, wonderingcat +, writes (6 February 2009):
 First things first: I think you need to learn to embrace yourself as yourself. I have lots of friends from various "circles" : films, photography, doctors, engineers, enterprenuers, housewives, etc etc. Sometimes I get invited to their homes or parties, sometimes I don't. No big deal. LOL. I am sure you have a few hobbies and a passion for something that makes you quite happy but that may not require the presence nor involvement of friends . Cultivate those. That in itself would make nice conversational pieces with your friends, who may even want you to teach them how to do it! Weird is good. Weird is special! :-) At least that is what I keep telling myself anyways. LOL. And I'd like to think that most of my friends are weird too in their own ways. Have I said weird is wonderful? LOLSometimes it's good to waste time with friends on shopping trips, but sometimes it is just fun going shopping on your own too. If you feel you need to be more noticed "superficially", you could always ask your female friends to have makeover "parties" with you. This could be just for fun (you can always wipe off the makeup afterwards) as well as for you to explore different ways to have a different look :-)Enjoy yourself and be happy with your inner strength. Cat
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 February 2009): talk to a counselor or a loved one. you probably have social anxiety, which is totally curable! Good luck!
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