A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:When I first met my boyfriend he made lots of effort, organised dates, did the chasing, etc. Now I feel like I am the only one making the effort. He used to come to my place, now he says he wont because he doesnt like the area I live in and why dont I just go to his house. I feel like if I dont go to his house I wont see him. I love him so much, but I am getting tired of the way things are.I got to his house on set evenings, recently it has got to the point that I ring his dorrbell, he answers it, when the door opens he is not there, he has rushed back to the sofa to continue playing his xbox! I go in, he mumbles a hello, so I unpack my stuff. He hasnt planned anything for dinner, so I end up cooking. We eat, watch a film, then he goes off and downloads films. I sit in there with him, we talk but there is always something he would rather do than spend one on one time with me. I look forward to bed time so that I can get him to myself with no distrctions and sometimes he just gives me a kiss goodnight and rolls over.I chatted to him about how I feel and he says that I should keep myself busy, and that he is not going to stop doing the things he wants to do for me (play xbox and download films). I asked him if we could go for a meal every now and again, but he said "no" and blamed money (he has got money!). I asked him why we used to do things together and why not anymore, and he replied by saying "that was the honeymoon period and its over now".He admitted to being lazy and stubborn and unwilling to compromise. he said he is happy with me making all the effort.What do I do, I cant be happy if he wont meet me half way!
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 February 2009): Well, it seems to me in order to get him to make an effort, thank him for inviting you over, but decline and suggest and evening out on a different night, nail him on a time, place, activity and if he says no, then say all right, well I'll catch you later and hang up.
Stop going over to his house and sitting around while he is vacant and let's you cook and clean while he sits like a lump on the sofa...you aren't his wife....you are his girlfriend and tell him you need some romance cause you can get be a couch potato at your own place.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 February 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks to all, we do not see each other that much, i still do my own thing, dance class, see friends and family, when i invite him he doesnt want to come, so i do go alone. I am talking about the evenings that we do see each other. He asks me if I am going over, so if I say "no" then I dont get to see him. For example, I might say that I have got a lot of stuff to do at my apartment, so he would say "oh ok then, i'll see you friday". Friday will come and then he'll say " are you coming over then tonight", if I ask him to come to mine, he would say "no, dont worry I will see you maybe tomorrow night if you can come over then".So for the nights I do go over there he still is rather "vacant".I dont feel any effort is made.When I ask him to mine he doesnt come and says he will wait til I see him, he said he is happy in his own surroundings, own routine, and wants me to be part of it and his life.It's sad.
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A
male
reader, oldatheart  +, writes (8 February 2009):
Being a guy, I know that a lot of guys are like this and would much rather relax, play video games, and watch movies rather than doing other things.
Maybe you guys are seeing one another too much. He could perhaps feel burnt out or smothered if you're frequently seeing each other that much.
Who knows, he could be depressed or just have low ambition now that he has someone he's comfortable with.
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 February 2009): Any man who would play xbox all night, is not a man he is a boy. And he is not ready to grow up and take on the responsibilities of a serious relationship....and he is not going to change for you.
He is taking you for granted and you are partly to blame, you are letting him by being over there at his house so often and playing at being married, you are doing too much for him, cooking, etc.
Get out of his house, refuse to go over there for a night sitting on the couch and watching him play games.
Live in your own house, get busy with your own life....go out with friends, date other men if you want to and get on with life. You don't have to even break up with him....just try to take your power back.
Men like things they have to work for. I bet he saved up for the car he drives, I bet he works really hard to own things like flat screen TV's.....well make yourself look expensive to him as well.....don't be too easy, make him work to have access to you. He doesn't deserve you because you are giving him more than he is giving you in this realtionship....and he is telling you he doesn't care.
It is up to you, but you are young and probably want to raise a family and settle down. I am old and I can wait as long as I want for a guy, but you are literally wasting your love life on this boy/man....and if it is your wish to be married and have babies, you need to get on with it and find someone who is ready to be a man, step up to the plate and have an emotional life with you.....kick this guy to the curb, honey.
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 February 2009): Ok this is how I would move forward with your situation (speaking from past experience, I'm 10 yrs older than you).
I would not try anymore with this guy, he is crying out to be left alone, which is what you should do, I would not even discuss it with him.
Don't go to his house when he is expecting you, do not phone him or text or anything else. Leave him high and dry as he is perfectly happy with his X box anyhow. Maybe after a few days without you, he will start to miss you and wonder why you did not show up. The thing is, will you miss him? Give him absolutely NO ATTENTION as this is what he is doing to you.
If he really wants to spend time with you, he will call to your door and ask to come in. If he does not do this, finish it with him, a nice email would be enough because lets face it, he doesnt really like to talk to you does he?
And remember, much as you may not see it, there are many more guys out there, nice normal guys who would love to spend time with you, and take you out.
All the best.
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