A
male
age
36-40,
*ountrculture
writes:I dated this girl for nearly 2 years, we're both about the same age. After we both turned 21 she let it out that she just turned 21 and wanted to experience that freedom that goes with it. On top of that, she also wanted it because she is planning a trip to Europe and wants to be single for it, to be able to experience anything should it come up. We've talked a lot and have agreed that after all this we'll get back together, reconcile and learn to love each other again. It's been one month and I'm having lots of trouble dealing with this, we've stayed in contact, but I feel like she is being selfish and tossing our love aside for the need to experience freedom and take advantage of Europe. She has said she doesn't need to do anything with anyone, but if the opportunity arises and it feels right I'm sure she would. What should I do?
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female
reader, Farris  +, writes (1 April 2007):
 She is being selfish. Sure she might want to travel and so on, but she doesn't need to be single to do that.
She obviously WANTS to be with other men/women... Ergo, she doesn't want to be faithful to YOU. You wouldn't like it if she was "finding herself" whilst at home, and slept with others...
I know this hurts, but you should probably just move on. You did everything you could for this relationship, but she hasn't. Do you really want to be with someone like that?
Best wishes & good luck for the future.
A
male
reader, Dagwood  +, writes (1 April 2007):
 Be strong, let her go. You can't make her be with you and she wants to "explore" so just accept it. If you cling on and seem needy then you'll make her pull away forever. You're both still young and have lots of time ahead to get back together if it's meant to be... Tell her how you feel and then let her go on her journey. If she loves you she'll come back. In the meanwhile get on with your life too, go out with friends and enjoy yourself. Don't (try not to) think about her too much... it just makes it worse. Relationships are always a risk but the rewards are worth it. You'll be fine. I hope things work out the way you want. Take care.
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A
female
reader, galatea  +, writes (1 April 2007):
She just wants to break up with you, but she doesn't want to feel guilty when she's out hooking up. She seems like she isn't ready for a loving relationship.
Yea, she's dumping you. Sorry. You can do one of two things:
1) Let her take the cake and eat it, too. Wait for her patiently and get back together after she has gone through a battery of medical tests.
2) Don't let her devalue your love. Then again, realistically, good luck finding an early-20s gal who would trade in "freedom" for a sweeping epic romance. Try a Mormon church.
Hope this helps.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 April 2007): Come on - what does she need to be single to do in Europe aside from sleeping around? She's practically begging you to dump her ass because she's too scared to initiate it herself. She's too hesitant to take the plunge and be single for real - coming home to no one and cooking dinner for yourself single - so she's connived this kind of reprieve so that her selfish self can have the best of both singledom and coupledom, albeit temporarily. Deep down, she probably expects you to break up with her, so I say go for it. It's a cowardly move on her part, leaving the ball in your court while she flees the country, but that's how it has to be. She has effectively decided to end the relationship (or at least sabotage it so badly it can't really continue), you only need to make it official.
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