A
male
age
36-40,
*nluckyinlove87
writes:I met a girl at work and it became apparent after a couple of weeks that we liked eachother. She had literally just split with her ex of four years. After expressing to eachother that we liked eachother we kissed and things were good. We went out with people from work but had to keep everything to ourselves. She later confessed that she was falling in love with me and wanted to take it to the next level. Ie sleep together. But she wanted it to be special. So a few days go by and everything is ok. We're talking on the phone and seeing eachother and I can feel myself falling for her. She's an attractive girl and gets alot of attention from lads. Now she says she wants to be single for at least a year and has sort of took a step back. We now hardly see eachother as I have left that workplace and she says that when we see eachother it cannot be lile it used to be like but she says she wants me in her life one hundred percent an she meant what she said but she needs to be single for a bit to go and do things her exes wouldn't let her do. I really don't know what's going on I'm so confused I feel like this girl has got me to fall in love with her now she's pushed me back a bit. We still speak all the time an I am sure she still feels the same she is just suppressing it. I really don't know what I should do. Help!!!!
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female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (29 December 2015):
 I think you should bow out entirely and let her sort herself out.
Wanting time to regroup after a relationship ends makes perfect sense, but asking someone to wait around doesn't.
Don't delude yourself into thinking you can be friends with her. Just block/delete her and move on.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2015): Four years with an ex is a very long time. She can't just snap out of it and start a relationship with you becuase she's not emotionally ready. She still has a lot of emotional baggage and some serious sorting out to do, and this will preclude her from forming strong emotional bond with anyone.
Just let her be but don't waste your time and wait for her. Your post falls in the "how do I change a girl's mind and feelings" category, which is something that can't be done. If someone prefers eating steak every day, asking them to eat chicken instead is just making them do something they don't really want to. Trust me, if she really wanted to be with you she would have reached out to you. Dating is not a mathematical equation that needs to be solved.
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A
female
reader, Pureflame  +, writes (29 December 2015):
i think you should give her some time to figure things out... I'm not saying what she is doing is right or wrong.. but all I can suggest is if she wants to figure things out, the best way to play it out is to let her be for sometime.. meanwhile you can decide if you want to wait it out or not.. Do what feels right for you..
Good luck
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (29 December 2015):
 Do you REALLY want to be her rebound guy and end up losing her fully?
Perhaps she realized she's NOT ready for another relationship so soon after ending her last one and she's backing off so that she can get her head in the right place so that when she is ready you have a chance to make it work long term.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2015): I think this girl has realised that she has been dating guys who are the wrong sort of long term personality for her and she has decided to step back from romance for a bit.
I think the speed the friendship progressed to romance has unnerved her a little and she may feel she is not ready for more heartache again.
You could remain friends but a year is a long time.
However she is looking for a serious romance with engagement and marriage and a life partner , not a notch on the bed post.
This is why you are confused, because she is prepared to walk a lonely road in order to get it right his time.
If you are really interested in this girl you could keep in touch on a less romantic level, occassionally meeting up for lunch or boating or anything that isnt instant sex.
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