A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi. I feel like one of my best pals doesn't need me anymore and couldn't care less about me. Since he's had his new gf neither me nor any of our mates have really seen him. At first I understood this as at the start of a relationship you're getting to know each other etc but 7 months in and its beginning to get to me. At one point very early on into his relationship I know another lad from our group had a chat with him and my mate said there will come a time when I'll just turn round to her and be like I'm going out with my mates.Sadly this is a comment I've held onto for a long time and it shows no signs of ever coming true. I'm not asking for much but just for him to hang out with us and actually WANT to see us. He only comes out if we keep asking. Infact we didn;t even get an invite out on his birthday. He went out for a meal with her on his actual birthday, fair enough but then they went into town drinking at the weekend, and he didn't seem to want anyone there.Whenever he gets a weekend off work, he goes out with her, again no invites. He can't even spare one Saturday night for the lads to go out as we used to. I wouldn't mind if he was just trying to make time to see her but he see's her everyday, if they aren't at work they're together constantly. But now it's like he really doesn't need/want anyone else in his life, and that just makes us think, espeically me, why have we been such good mates with him if now hes not bothered if he hardly ever see's us.When they first got together she wasn't old enough to drink so we thought maybe one night he would come out with us, but no. He stayed in with her. I understood as everyones like that at the start of a relationship. Shes younger than him also just for your information (5 year age gap approximate) If we do see him we don't tend to see much of her as we aren't big fans of her. You can tell how old she is bcause of the way she acts n how immature she is, she's just annoying. But we have seen her. I personally don't know what he see's in her and many have said that but I'm glad hes happy. I just wish he actually still wanted to see us or would give abit of time for us espeically after 7 months.. Why doesn't he want to see us anymore? Will this fade? I was expecting them to get sick of each other as I'm someone who believes you need a seperate life with your friends as well as one with your partner. But now all he does is work and see her so obviously thats never going to happen. I feel like many many years of friendship has just gone to nothing. To the point where "if" they ever broke up I wouldn't be bothered to be there for him because I just think well you weren't bothered about us and "blew us out" so much so why should you be able to just come back, like we're just mates for if you're single. I know thats harsh and wrong and I'm such an easy going guy but its how its making me feel. Please help.
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female
reader, oldbag +, writes (10 March 2013):
 Hi
Its a mistake girls make usually, cutting out their mates for the new boyfriend
Could be he just doesn't want to go out drinking with the lads,maybe he feels like he has been there,done that. I would stop asking him, leave him to his new life. The fact you don't like his girlfriend won't help,she has probably picked up on that and thinks you lot will lead him astray.
Lets face it, he can have sex with her, so she will win every time. If or when he gets bored then he'll be back.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (10 March 2013):
 This is not as strange as you may think. First, the guy is in love, still in the honeymoon phase, they say it lasts 18 to 36 months. Some people really do not need to ever come up for air ,so to speak, during this phase.
Also, you have to consider that friendship does not mean the same for everybody. Some people are able to develop very deep and intense emotional connections with their friends, for other people friendship is more a social than emotional thing, i.e. a way to stave off boredom or loneliness,to get companionship and entertainment, until something " better " comes along, which meets all their true emotional needs. It does not mean that they are " bad " people or selfish people , they just don't give the same value to certain things.
Finally, I suspect his laziness in getting together may also have something to do with the fact that he must have known or imagined that you don't like his gf, and you find her immature and annoying. Well, if this is the way you feel , I guess you can't do anything about it, but frankly I, for one, would not be so anxious to associate with people who think my partner is a moron, or annoying. In theory I should be able to be objective and say " well, everybody likes different people ",in practice it's a matter of instinctive ,knee jerk loyalty- why would I have to associate with people who thinks poorly of the person I love most ?
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A
male
reader, CMMP  +, writes (10 March 2013):
He's whooped; give it time. When they break up hopefully you guys can pick up where you left off.
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A
female
reader, R1 +, writes (10 March 2013):
 7 months is still early days, men need other men and I'm sure he will get to a point when he needs time with friends. Is it possible you have outgrown each other? Maybe it's not all down to this girl...? There isn't much you can do really, allow him this time and welcome him back if and when he comes back out with you.
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