A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I am in the middle of a divorce. I had sworn to myself to stay out of the dating scene until at least the divorce was finalized. I even purposely stopped dressing nicely or wearing makeup in order to avoid attracting attention. My soon to be ex husband was abusive and nasty towards me and I didn't think I ever wanted to be in another relationship again.Well 2 months ago, by complete accident I met a guy in public and we hit it off. We have so much in common it's ridiculous, and we formed a great friendship. He's non-judgmental and is a great listenerIn the past month though, we became intimate. It wasn't my intention but we discussed before hand not to put too much emotion into it, at least for the time being. As time goes on I am beginning to develop feelings for him beyond the physical, and it seems that he is interested, too, but given my past I am so afraid to trust anyone. He has been so supportive of me and such a gentleman but I feel like after what I've been through, my trust meter is broken and I can't tell if there are any warning signs there or not. How can I know he is trustworthy, and is it a mistake to get involved even if he is?
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male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (24 September 2016):
 There is no way for anyone to know if someone is absolutely trustworthy. As Honeypie said, go slowly and see if you like who he is, in person, not over text.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 September 2016): Don't listen to those who say, "It's not done that way." Maybe it's not, but maybe you will. Don't listen to those who say, "You're taking too big a chance." Michelangelo would have painted the Sistine floor, and it would surely be rubbed out by today. Most importantly, don't listen when the little voice of fear inside of you rears its ugly head and says, "They're all smarter than you out there. They're more talented, they're taller, blonder, prettier, luckier and have connections…" I firmly believe that if you follow a path that interests you, not to the exclusion of love, sensitivity, and cooperation with others, but with the strength of conviction that you can move others by your own efforts, and do not make success or failure the criteria by which you live, the chances are you'll be a person worthy of your own respect.-
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 September 2016): Take things slow, that means not texting each other every second of the day and actually meeting up in person to catch up. Know strongly what signs you are wary of and be strong enough to walk away if you see any of these. Don't rush into any arrangements of living together or borrowing money from each other as that can make the most solid of relationships murky if things start to go wrong. You should not lend money to him, and neother should you accept offers of financial assistance as you would not want to be indebted to someone you are still finding out about.Be honest about your feelings and listen to what he says, and just watch whether his actions match up to his words. There is a law in the UK called Sarah's Law, and it allows people to file a request with the police for any untoward information about a new partner to be shared with them - it arose after a little girl called Sarah was murdered by her mother's new, seemingly decent, boyfriend. People in the UK can check prior to agreeing for a partner to live with them on whether they are known for domestic violence, or perhaps shouldn't be around children etc...and there would be support to help them if needed (it respects data protection enough to not disclose minor offences such as a one off caution for something relatively innocent). If you have children and things get really serious I wonder if in the USA there is a similar procedure ran by the police.Ultimately taking things slowly is the best bet, and just don't throw all caution to the wind if you develop feelings - it's fine to let yourself love again, but don't let it be a case of love is blind and just keep your guard up.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (24 September 2016):
 As far as I am aware, there is no foolproof short-cut to being able to ascertain whether someone is trustworthy. You will only be able to tell by "going there" and seeing how he behaves going forward.
One word of warning: don't judge everyone based on your ex. He turned out to be a bad one but don't let that kill your trust in humanity.
This man sounds like a good one but only time will tell.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (24 September 2016):
 Best way?
To take things slow and watch if his words match his actions. A trustworthy person has their actions matching their word. Basically, their word is their bond.
Now that doesn't mean every person who keeps their word is always trustworthy. But it's a good way to gauge people.
And to NOT be blind to red flags. YOU know what kind of red flags an abusive partner can toss at you. So if you notice this guy having some similar ones, then it's "buyer beware".
Overall, I think going slow is the best way to get to know a person. To spend time with them IN person. I know texting is how most people communicate today, but... it really doesn't compare to a face to face conversation.
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