A
female
age
26-29,
*issylove
writes:my life is crazy, no-one seems to understand me either, my boyfriend thinks im a liar and my family wont see things in my point of view. i lost my mom 4 years ago and cant seem to let go. is that normal? id like to say nothing is wrong with me and its all in my head but the way i feel is torture. i want to just kick back and not feel so alone but even my boyfriend wont listen. i need help, i know i do but it seems like nothing anyone can do will help me. when they put me down the way they do it makes me feel even more that my moms death was my fault. im 15 already gotten a tattoo in her memory but the ink is just a reminder that shes gone, never coming back, ive lost the only person who looked at me and loved me despite all of my faults. and its my fault shes gone, i coulda called an ambulance when i saw her but i freaked and left. what do i do?
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female
reader, AuntyMaur  +, writes (25 January 2011):
 hello,It's time to forgive yourself though I dont believe for a second it was your fault, it was your mums time.People react differently in times of tragedy and you were only 11 at the time, I feel your being way to hard on yourself. Its difficult to carry on when you feel the only person you loved and loved you back in return has past over, it kinda leaves this empty hole but thank goodness we have memories which keeps them alive within us. It is important to try and not shut other people out, remember you mother was loved by many and many miss her too.When I lost my dad so long ago i felt so alone messed up inside but I decided to do everything within my power to make him proud of me. I never achieved big things but I did achieve big things for me and thats whats important. Do right by yourself. You must as you matter in this world. I would suggest you either go to a doctor and let him know how your feeling..i think your stuck in 1 of the 9 stages of grief. I would also suggest you go and sit in a church, its amazing how calming it is. Even talking to a minister or something of the like. Being 15 with no mum must be so hard but its time to start moving forward and getting interested in life again, perhaps when you start to make some positive changes within yourself others around you will be more positive.unfortunately life and death go hand in hand...one thing that always helped me get through so many losses was the fact I always thought of myself as being lucky to have had the person in my life even for a short time. Take care your not alone.
A
female
reader, No watered down advice here! +, writes (25 January 2011):
 You need to know when your time here on earth is up, it's UP! I'm not sure if you know that you don't have the power to make a judgment call. It was her turn to go. We're all put on this earth for a short period and when, it’s over that's it. Now, what you do with that time it's up to you! You can start living and letting her go, she wouldn't want you hang on to her, she’s FINE! It's you who isn't. Now, with that being said I need to tell you to live as if she's watching you, and your every move, and make her proud! NO IT WAS NOT YOUR FAULT! We all can say what we would do if that situation was us, but nobody really knows until they experience it! I strongly advice you to seek grief counseling and that will help you sort your feelings. Think about all the people who have got shot in the head and SURVIVED! Why? Because it not their time. Your BF and nobody else will understand you, because it's not heavy on their hearts and I don't want to seek out the wrong person who will tell you it was your fault, those people don't know it can NEVER be your fault. Never allow anybody to put you down! People only do to us what we ALLOW them to do. Stop allowing them to do that! Stand up for yourself and start NOW. Look in the mirror and tell yourself everyday "I AM SOMEBODY" And then start living like it!
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