A
female
age
41-50,
*izzymylove
writes:Ok well my husband is a wonderful man who I love so very much and he claims to love me but actions are so much more believable if you know what I mean.First off when he goes to work and comes home and lets say the computer is acting crazy it's all my fault no matter if I had been on it or not.Another thing I'm 29 yrs of age and he said if I smoke he wants a divorce even though we got married and he knew I smoked at the time.I recently was in a car wreck and broke my foot so I'm in a cast and use crutches and he informed me that I need to get the house clean asap I thought that was sweet..not...But with all that under the bridge the part that scares me is I can't talk to him like I use to he looks at me different he speaks to me harshly and I know he doesn't think of me the way I think of him so if anyone has an idea how to get my husband to love me again me and my two little boys we'd be very thankful.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2010): 1. he is not treating you with respect.
2. your children are watching and learning how he treats you and will do the same thing to their women.
3. he treats you like a child, even less regarding the cast thing.
4. this is verbal and mental abuse.
5. just get out and find a man who can love you just the way you are and will be a good role model for your kids.
sorry it sounds harsh but that is how i see it; boiled down and non-sugar coated. You and your sweet kids deserve better.
A
female
reader, gizzymylove +, writes (15 June 2010):
gizzymylove is verified as being by the original poster of the question The sex life is Great four times a weak we never fail in that area. I truly fell better thanks to the answers I thought I was going crazy thank you
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A
female
reader, gizzymylove +, writes (15 June 2010):
gizzymylove is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThe sex life is Great four times a weak we never fail in that area. I truly fell better thanks to the answers I thought I was going crazy thank you
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (15 June 2010):
To be honest, it sounds like he's full of resentment for some reason. I don't know why. Only he does. I think you two need to sit down and really talk to each other about this. If it means counselling, it means counselling. But he just sounds like he's angry or resentful for some reason. You two really need to get talking.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (15 June 2010):
 I don't want to scare you, but I think your husband is looking for a way out that doesn't make him look like the bad guy to his and your family and friends.
What tells me this?? First, the smoking ultimatum. If you were smoking at the time you got married, he's got no business giving you an ultimatum.
Second, the clean house with the cast. Where does he get off with that? Add that to the computer thing, and he's treating you not like a wife and equal partner, but a housekeeper, maid, and servant. Where does he get off with the computer? Is he worried that you'll mess up his porn watching??
The only way you have a chance with him is if you stand up for yourself. Placating him and stepping on eggshells with him isn't going to stop his marital bullying. First, you need to get on your feet and out of your cast. Secondly, if you haven't already, you need to be VERY knowledgable about your financial situation, meaning all of your assets, investments, home equity (if you have any), all debts and any annuities.
Then, you need an exit strategy in case he doesn't listen to you. What you need to tell him needs to be backed up by a plan to leave him if things come to that. This exit strategy includes a plan for custody of your 2 kids, a lawyer to bang out divorce, child and spousal support, and distribution of assets (why I told you to get very knowledgable about the finances!).
After you've gotten your ducks in a row, then you confront your husband in the most direct and stern means possible. The main thing is that you do NOT get emotional and lose control, no matter what he says or does. You look him in the eye and DO NOT give him. Demand that he treat you a lot better, and give him the same specifics you just gave us. If he is a master of trying to turn the argument back on you, WRITE it down on paper and read it to him so that you cannot get off track.
You are an EQUAL partner in the marriage. You are not subordinate to him. It doesn't matter who makes more money in the house. You're the mother of his kids, and if you weren't in the picture, he'd have to pay big money for child care.
Tell him that ultimatums are the tool of weak people, and that you better never hear another one from him. If he gets mad and is foolish enough to divorce you or threaten it, make him follow through, call your lawyer, and get everything you can out of it, including a stellar child support and spousal support order.
Good luck. I hope you two can talk it out, and he sees the error of his ways, and you both can work towards a better marriage.
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