A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm 29... finding myself and becoming skilled at something... discovering my talent or passion... if it was going to happen, it would have happened by now?I feel like my dreams are dying, because I don't have any special talent or quality to define me. Furthermore, I am a very passionate person, and it is so disheartening not to have something to throw that passion in my heart into. I feel like life is supposed to be lived, and I believe in dreams. You are only going to be on this earth ONCE and you will cherish that time on earth. Life is too short to just be endured. Of course, we all need money and a job, but to live a whole life, we need "something" more. A talent, a dream, a passion.I'm 29 and I'm trapped in a kingdom of mediocrity, and it looks like I'm the queen of it. I'm not pretty. I'm not intellectually smart. I'm not particularly athletic. I'm THE most average girl you'll ever meet and the poster child for mediocre.Everyone else has "something" that is an extension of their passions and that makes them special. This boy that lives with me (he's a second cousin or something, it's a relative and it's platonic but he's not my biological brother)... he was in the gifted and talented program, now he is getting a Phd. He's four years younger than me. My BFF is the most talented musician. He can play the harmonica, the guitar, the trumpet, the sax, and he could probably coax a beautiful melody out of a platter of chilaquiles. My best girl BFF is the most talented dancer. My dad is kind of a jerk, but he is THE original horse whisperer. Not only can he ride a horse skillfully (something I WISH I could do) but he can communicate with horses, it's like magic. Oh, and he knows how to surf! *sigh* I'm from Florida but I never learned and it's so embarrassing. I'm not scared of the ocean or sharks but every time I try I almost kill myself. Dad promised to get me a professional instructor but then we moved to Greensboro, and now I'm 29 so I'm too old to learn. I've accepted that I'll never learn to surf beacuse it's not for me... even though I really wanted to, but I wish that there WERE something that WAS for me. SOMETHING.I just wish I were good at SOMETHING! I'm SLIGHTLY better than average at drawing, but I'm not incredibly talented. I've been drawing all my life so of course I'm a little bit good at but no one would ever be impressed.I read and read and read a lot, but that's passive. It's effectively just like watching TV! I read everything I can get my hands on, and I write in my diary, but my sentence structure and grammar seem puerile. I'm 29 and a grad student, but I have the writing skills of a child! I feel ugly, stupid and worthless. I don't think I'm as smart as other people and my lack of intelligence manifests itself in the way I write. I feel like my mediocrity is affecting my social life. I don't have any confidence in myself at all and I feel like no one will ever accept me. Throughout life, all my "friends" have fallen away from me, backstabbed me or otherwise cruelly deserted me. No one cares if I'm in the cold and I try to make friends but I feel ignored and invisible, like a ghost. There's something wrong with me, that I have this effect on people!My mom says "find a social group," and prods me to go to religious activities, but I don't think that self-consciously swallowing stale doughnuts and kool aid while I contemplate possible thoughts behind strangers' stares, is going to fill the void in my heart. I feel inferior to everyone else because I don't have a talent or an identify and it's affecting my social life. I feel like I don't have any confidence in myself because I don't have ''anything'' special to define me. I feel so embarrassed about being the plain Jane while everyone else has some cool, unique quality that makes them special. How can I feel confident when I'm such a loser? How can I go into a group with confidence when I don't have a talent or ANYTHING to make me special? I don't think anyone would want to date or marry someone like me because I'm so plain and mediocre. I think that my parents adopted my second cousin, because I wasn't good enough for them.I just wish that there were some place in the world for ME! I just wish that there were a special niche or something really cool just for me to shine at.Ok time to tell my secret. It's so hard to bare my soul to a bunch of strangers, some of whom could potentially be mean but I feel so alone in the world.I LONG to be a singer or a guitarist but I am very disheartened. Music is my passion, but all these years I was fighting for my dreams, it was just pure, pure denial. Music isn't for me. But the longing in my heart for music won't go away. I started "playing" the guitar and piano as a very young kid and I've been singing all my life but without ANY encouragement from my parents. I did get involved in a band, but they recently broke up with me. The breakup broke my spirit, and I feel foolish and stupid for getting involved in a band and that I had no business doing it because it wasn't for me. I keep struggling with my feelings because there is a huge void in my heart that only music can fill, and my life is so empty. But, I feel like getting in a band was a stupid idea and the breakup broke my spirit before music.Why does God HATE me? Who was I in a past life, Hitler? (Ironically, I am the granddaughter of a holocaust survivor in this life) I must have been just that horrible, to have been born with this longing for music and no talent. If God is real why did He make me? It's so cruel that I have a longing in my heart for music and no talent.
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broke up, confidence, cousin, money, swallow, trapped Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Serpico +, writes (24 March 2014):
Tough love time. The only thing keeping you from succeeding is yourself. Trust me, if you FULLY commit to something - whether it be school, a business, whatever, you will be successful in it. I have never seen someone FULLY commit and fail. I have seen plenty half heartedly commit and then whine about their bad luck when they fail. Fully commit means you are willing to sacrifice almost everything else to achieve your goal, at least for the short term. Many people are simply not willing to do this, and this is why they fail.
Choose which one you want to be.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 March 2014): Thanks guys! I'll follow your advice.
I'm the original poster (obviously), and I really appreciate that you listened to me and took the time to write me back. It's so easy to get into a rut of negativity and this lifted me a little.
I'll try your ideas.
Thank you very much. :-)
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (16 March 2014):
 Learn to surf then. What's stopping you? You really think you're age is relevant? So 29 year olds can't learn anything? How depressive. You ARE passionate about things, you're just telling yourself you're no good at it, so you should stop doing the things you love. Like surfing. I really, honestly, do not see why you can't go surfing or learn to do it if that's what you wan to do and have your heart set on. There will ALWAYS be someone who does something better than you. There are people who surf better, who sing better, who dance better, who ride horses better. So what are you gonna do, sit there and not do anything you like because someone else will do it better anyways? If we all thought like that then no one would do anything. The point of life isn't to reach the top within any given field. The point if life is to live and enjoy it. Obviously, you are good at several things, you just don't count them because you're not the number one in these fields... You're really sulking like a small child at the end here though. God hates you because you're not number one in anything you've tried so far? Grow up. If you were hated you wouldn't be alive, why would God have let you live if he didn't love you? You're healthy, you're smart, you don't have disabilities, you're not broke or poor, you have friends etc. You have a rich life, and you have no right in blaming GOD for whatever issues you have with your life. Your life is YOUR responsibility, not God's. He gave you life, what you do with it is up to YOU. There will always be those who do better if you line up everything in life as competition. But life isn't a competition. You don't like your friends solely because they are best at whatever. You even said yourself your father is a jerk, even if he is great at this or that. Being great at something doesn't make you a good person, or even decent, or lovable, or someone you want to spend time with... Plenty of people who excel at something are jerks and dickheads who no one wants to spend time with or be with.. The illusion that they are somehow "better" is pointless.You need to start viewing people (and yourself) not in parts, but as a whole. The whole person, as a whole, with all their goods and bad... The sum of who they are is very much the same as the sum of who you are.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 March 2014): You do have dreams. You love music. You long to be a singer or guitarist. Have you ever taken lessons to learn how to play guitar. You know it's not that expensive and you won't need a band to support your musical dreams. Lots of people sing and play guitar by themselves. And people hire them to play background music or sing at weddings and other functions around town. Don't give up. I too have suffered a mediocre life, although I don't think I've ever felt the same pain you have felt. My parents raised me to have a relationship with God and maybe he has always given me the hope I have in myself; and perhaps a positive spirit. But I am twice your age and I still struggle to make some kind of mark in this world. I too love music; love singing, playing guitar and piano. I took lessons. I began performing with a handful of other musicians around town. I joined a band. It didn't last long. It wasn't because of me, bands frequently break up. Musicians can be high strung emotional creatures. I would love to be in another band but right now I just play by myself. Keep practicing your craft. Sing every day. Your voice will become stronger and more developed. So will your guitar playing. I also see you as someone who could probably write song lyrics and this is something you consider trying. You must focus all your negative feelings onto something positive. Something you love. Don't drown in your sorrows. Channel them into something beautiful. If you want something to happen in your life you have to get off the sidelines and make it happen. Take your guitar and go audition at a small cafe; maybe they'll let you play your music while people eat and drink. You'll make a small amount of money, you may get some tips but you'll be able to share your talent with others and that is an amazing thing. Also, try Little Theater. This is another fun thing to do that stimulates your mind, allows you to become someone else. Just get out there and make it happen. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, Marilissa75 +, writes (16 March 2014):
 You think you are mediocre and past your prime. That is not the case. A small number of very good writers did not write or publish until around age 40. Julia Child learned how to cook French food at 40 and changed the nature of American cuisine forever. I am older than you and beginning to explore and pursue my own dreams. I have had thoughts like those you expressed but also but with age I have become quite a bit more confident. I love my life now more than I ever did in my 20s. My 20s and 30s were pretty painful. I had reasons for not developing more that I won't go into now, but that is no longer the case. Self pity is a trap. That is a line from a French film that changed my life.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 March 2014): HiAll you lack is SELF BELIEF.You sound very interesting and have a lot to say, could you write your own songs? could you go to university and study music and song writing? (never too old to learn).You could then train as a music therapist(very colourful and interesting realistic music career, that enables you to express your self through music and help others to do the same. Worth looking up music therapists careers.Please stop comparing yourself to others, this is a world full of unique individuals and YOU are one of them. Maybe you are somebody who could help others shine, aswell.Good Luck and never give up.I had a dream once but did'nt bring it to life for quite a few years, I decided and grabbed the chance to train 6 years and uncovered talents that I never knew were in me, I had brought it to life (when many said is'nt it a bit late). I have no regrets and get to live my dreams because I grabbed life. NEVER be discouraged or afraid.
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A
female
reader, Sensible Alice  +, writes (15 March 2014):
 It's obvious to me that music is your passion. You do it because you love it, not necessarily because you want to be famous, right? The only person's expectations you have to live up to are your own. You know your limitations. Just because you'll never be the greatest singer who ever lived is no reason to give it up. You can be the greatest damn singer or guitarist from your town on You Tube or the best darn singer at church. Your dream of being linked to music can come in any form you choose. You can teach it or play it or even write it. Lack of encouragement can be disheartening, but on the other hand, it can make us work harder, just for the sake of showing them just how good we can be. Dreams don't have to be achieved by a certain age or a certain time. There's no limit. Some people work very hard to reach their dreams, others have to shelve theirs for a while as life dictates. If music is as much a part of soul as you say, then there's no reason you can't make it your dream goal.
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A
female
reader, Euphoric29  +, writes (15 March 2014):
Dear OP,
From what I read, you are gifted, blessed even, with more than enough talents and skills. It takes practice and perseverance for every artist or person to develop and learn, to get to that place where you find your niche. The niche is not there, you have to create it. And you can.
In this life, you need to learn how to handle rejection and failure. It happens to everyone, including you. You get back on your feet and continue to believe in yourself. Maybe change from plan A to plan B, but not compromise or give up straight away just because somebody didn't like your style or thought you weren't good enough.
Also, forget about the idea that others are magically blessed with skills and talents and you aren't. To be really good at something takes practice, no matter what you're told. I was being told many fairy tales about naturally gifted people that never had to practice, but it's not like that. Pros practice all the time, they often just forget about that fact because it's so natural to them.
You're 29, OP, I know it can be a shitty age. You feel like "why am I not there by now? Is that it?". Yep. I can relate to that. I'm not at all where I wanted to be, at 30. Job-wise, relationship-wise, experience-wise..
That's life. But it's no reason to forget about the good things, to become ungrateful and desperate. Making your dreams come true (or finding a new dream to replace the old one) is way harder, than you thought. See it as a test of your passion.
I've learnt most from the dark times in my life. If everything goes well, there's no challenge, you don't learn to fight, to become strong, and to appreciate success. I had to give up more than one dream, fall and get back on my feet, endure some difficult personal times. But this makes me more solid now. I find myself less insecure than others who always succeeded, because I know what I can survive.
So, dear OP, look forward! Past is past, move on and fight to make your thing happen. Good luck,
E.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2014): You, talentless? That was such an interesting, and open, story of your life, the way it flows with honesty and openness. A lot of people, I think, are so pretentious in the way they want to come across a certain way, it's refreshing to read such open thoughts. I was like you most of my life but in my late 20s I found something that became my passion. And now it's my job, I teach bodycombat (a fitness class). It makes me feel so empowered and upbeat it's unbelievable. The music, the moves, the endorphins are all amazing! (I hated it to start with, it took a few classes to "get it"). Have you ever tried group exercise? I'm not saying that it'll become your passion, but you never know! :D (classes are all to music which you say you love!)It's hard coming across hobbies that you instantly connect with isnt it. It doesn't happen that often. I would like another hobby or 2, but like you I don't know what! I think talking to people and being genuinely interested in them you might come across something perhaps? What do you do for a job?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2014): You are not talentless, you simple haven't found it yet or you're too shy and self-conscious to go out and do what you love. If you love music, play music, don't wait for approval from someone else because it might never come. A hundred people might hear you sing and play but only one might enjoy what they hear, that doesn't mean you're not talented, it means you have just found your audience. You also said you liked drawing, that's great! Keep drawing, some of the greatest artists in the world have some bizarre and frankly rubbish pieces of work, make your work your own and I have no doubt it will beat a lot of the art out there, I mean, come on, your drawings have got to be better than the toilet and the brick that artists claimed were art, right?! Have you tried anything like cross stitching? There is a whole community of cross stitching lovers and although some might call it boring, I find it to be enjoyable, and they sell nicely as well in cards and bookmarks etc. Knitting is another. I only say these things because you sound more creative. And as for your writing, your sentence structures seemed more than adequate in your question, why not give writing a whirl. It is never too late to brush up on grammar. I myself am an author and poet and even I occasionally check my grammar or ask for advice, its not a bad thing. If you want to surf, surf, you're not too old. 29 is hardly old. And your second cousin, I doubt they adopted him because they weren't proud and I think if they heard you say that they'd be heartbroken. Just have a little confidence and enjoy yourself, find your niche and make your life your own. Forget the people that have turned their back on you because one day they'll need you more than you ever needed them. If someone wants you in their life, you shouldn't have to fight for a spot, they'll move heaven and earth to have you and you need to believe that. Everyone has a special quality and there is someone out there that is wanting you to notice them, stop looking for what isn't there and look for who is there. Good luck :)
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