A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I feel like my boyfriend doesn't respect or appreciate me. We have been together for 4 1/2 years, two of which were 4 hour long distance. We fight often and when we do he says some really mean things. I feel like he's always attacking who I am as a person and putting me down. He says really harsh things that I would never say to him. He will hang up on me or leave without listening to my feelings. When I try to talk and work things out he always shuts me out. He tells me I'm crazy and psycho. I can't tell him what I'm feeling without him accusing me that I have some other motive for my feelings. I just feel so hurt and betrayed and disrespected by him sometimes. We live together and he never wants to do any of my hobbies with or me with him so we can bond a better friendship. We've been together for almost 5 years and I don't see a true commitment in the near future. All of these actions make me feel like he loves me but is not in live with me. He is 29 and I'm 27. Should I leave him?
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female
reader, Summer DeMilo  +, writes (16 September 2012):
In one word: yes. You should never feel disrespected and attacked by the person who is suppose to love you. A relationship only works long term if it is truly a loving relationship. Dump this guy, move out and find someone who you can talk to about anything - good and bad. A few years down the road you will look back at this and say, "Wow, I was selling myself short and wasting my time." Even if you ended up alone, I'd bet you'd be happier than with this guy. Feeling hurt on a regular basis isn't right.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (15 September 2012):
 Well, at first sight, one has to say yes. What else ? You feel hurt,betrayed and disrespected, - and he does not aknowledge that you are suffering nor is amenable to talk, negotiate or do anything to improve things. It sounds like you have hit a concrete wall and IMO, if you keep bumping into it, you'll end up with a broken head ( and heart ).
In fact , I find you rather optimistic in your assessment that he is not in love with you but he loves you, frankly I'd doubt it. Psycho and crazy do not sound like love words to me, and refusing to communicate, and to share time are not very loving acts.
5 years like that is a long time- ask yourself for what. Isn't love supposed to make your life better, happier, sunnier ?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 September 2012): This is gonna sound harsh, but yes. This is not the kind of relationship you want, it's very unequal. But I understand that if you love him (and you've been together for a long time), this is hard. So maybe you can start with just not seeing him for a while, by staying with your friends/family or forcing him to do so. I'm in sorta the same situation right now and I haven't left yet, so I can't really say what to do next, sorry. Good luck and you should never let anyone treat you without the respect you deserve 3
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