A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi everyone. To start off, I am an extremely emotional person, I always have been since I was little. I used to be very dependent on my boyfriends in the past, always going from relationship to relationship because I loved the attention and felt like I needed someone to depend on. It was super unhealthy, so for the past 2 years I have been single, trying to heal myself from bad relationships and depression/anxiety issues. I do NOT want to go back to my old habits of being too dependent on someone else for my happiness, but my current boyfriend and I have been together for only a couple months and I can already feel that I'm going back to my old ways.. for instance the other day I didn't hear from him at all and I was deeply upset and started crying uncontrollably thinking he was ignoring me when really it was just that his phone was broken. I do not want to be the clingy overly-attached girlfriend that I used to be! But I am too emotional and cry a TON over the most minuscule things. My boyfriend is pretty much the least sensitive guy ever too, so obviously he says he doesn't know how to react when I get overly emotional and I'm pretty sure my outbursts are annoying him! How do I toughen myself up and keep from crying over the littlest things? My boyfriend and I only see each other about once a week but I still like knowing that he is there for me, I just don't want to get too dependent on him. Thank you Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (26 October 2012):
 How sad that the first answer from the anonymous poster has disappeared. Well it was a great answer when I read it, and I gave it 5 stars
A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (15 September 2012):
And if A reader, anonymous, writes (15 September 2012):(the first answer you received) was a logged in poster I would want to give that answer 5 stars. It was a great answer - with really good advice too. I gave it 5 stars anyway.
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (15 September 2012):
A sense of humor always helps and being able to laugh at ourselves. But if you are feeling extra sad then that can be a little difficult, to see the funny side of life.
And some people are naturally positive and others are not. I think some people are born positive and some are not. But being positive is something you can learn.
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/tunnel-vision-positive-thinking---used-to.html
If you have a choice about which film to see or which book to read then choose the funny one. You deserve some good things to start happening in your life so that you can start to view life as being more positive than you think it is.
There is no one in this world who does not face challenges in their lives. Some people experience serious daily challenges and yet can still look on the bright side. That I find outstanding. But I accept that it is not easy for some people to see life like that.
Though this article by spicolee2002 really demonstrated how positive some people manage to be as is demonstrated by the writer in : http://www.dearcupid.org/question/life-with-a-handicap.html That spicolee2002 is able to remain positive and achieve so much is all to his credit as an outstanding individual. But I accept that such strength does not come easy for some people.
I wonder if you have suffered an inordinate amount of stress in the past? And it has been catching up with you. If that is the case then you need to deal with that underlying stress if you can with some good strategies that will make you more resilient in the future.
One way to confront your past and face the future more confidently is to start a daily log of what you did well, any challenges you faced and how you dealt with each challenge. As a written book based log. Something small that you can keep with you always. So you can write it up in real time. But keep it private. It belongs to you. It is your journal. And it is not for anyone else’s eyes. It is your Success book.
Over time you will see patterns in your behaviour and be able to look back on a string of successes you instigated and you worked through to success.
Get a pack of Gold and Silver Stars and put the right star next to every one of your good achievements. Over time you will see more and more stars on those pages as you get better and better at dealing with stress and challenging situations.
Keep the log private. It is a Positive log.
So it focuses on what you did well and when you succeeded. I know there will be some negatives that you still need to work on. Once you succeed with that negative then you can write it in your Positive log.
Try to focus on your reactions and work through rationally what you are worried about. Then examine that reaction and think about alternative ways to react. For instance if your boyfriend started to talk about this cute new girl who served him at the store your emotions are likely to be affected and you might worry about the girl meaning something to him. Instead of allowing those emotions to bubble up, count to ten and smile at your boyfriend with a cheeky smile, knowing full well that he adores you, and put your head to one side in a flirty way and ask, ‘and I need to know this, because?’ Say it with a smile and give him a kiss. Because you know he loves you. He can then see you are not threatened. He can see that you are secure in yourself. And further, he just got a lovely smile from you and a kiss.
There you are not reacting in a clingy worried anxious manner and he knows he can be comfortable in your company and be truthful to you, without you getting over anxious. Change your reaction and your behaviour and you can neutralize the affect on your emotions. . Your reactions are crucial and your behaviour shows the world what you are thinking. Change the behaviour and you win.
I think affirmations are one of the best things to help. When you start saying Affirmations you may not believe the positive statement. But say the statement with some conviction out loud, in private, to yourself every morning and every evening then after six to eight weeks you will start to feel better.
An affirmation is a statement of how you want things to be, for instance:
“I am a strong good kind person and I am capable of making good rational decisions without being overly emotional”
“I am in control of my life and I am the Best person to decide what is the best decision for me to succeed in life”
“I am a capable and intelligent person and I can stay calm when I exercise good judgement and make good decisions”
And I think listening to relaxation recordings can help build you up too.
If you lack a wide range of friends then consider doing some volunteer groups as it is a great way to achieve good things and build social support and mix with nice people.
Another way is to join a group to learn a skill. Perhaps join a group to learn to make jewellery. You could even build it into a small business and sell the things you make for profit.
Visit your older female relatives from time to time and ask them if they can show you how to make something that they make that you enjoy eating at their home. Join a Zumba class or a Circuit or spin class at a Gym. Another great place to meet people who are nice. No one can ever be unhappy if they really embrace Zumba as it is so much fun. If a class does not appeal to you then consider getting a dvd that demonstrates Zumba. I think you will love it.
You are so much more capable of managing your own emotions than you think. So be very very kind to you. Because you are worth it.
Never give up on yourself.
Keep on building your self confidence. CodeWarrior has the best article on how to get self confidence. I think it is worth reading, several times.
Here it is: http://www.dearcupid.org/question/what-is-confidence-and-how-do-i-get.html
Get enough sleep if you can. And eat healthy - it protects your health to get enough fresh fruit and enough variety in the vegetables you consumem, every day.
But if, at first, all this seems too much. Such that you think that you cannot do all these things, initially, then do not judge yourself too harshly.
Just never give up on your.
You can tackle these pesky emotions and you can come out stronger in the end. My Best wishes to you
Abella
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