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female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: I have a small problem that is difficult to over look. My bf doesnt ever want to go down on me. When we first got together he would say how he did it to his ex, which of course was annoying because he was just doing it to brag... we have been together 4 years and hes done it twice the first time it was maybe 5 min, the second time he said he really enjoyed it and did for 10 min, which is fine with me, even 5 minutes is fine. He used to talk so much about it right before we got together so it was misleading. Oral sex is a very small issue, I know, but I need it a little not often maybe once or twice a yearthelast time I asked him if he would give do it once per year and he said he doesnt like oral sex period and when I brought up his ex he said he didnt do it with her often either. So I dont understand why he used to say that. There were even trust issues where he sent other women messages, and would say( i read them n caught him) how he would go down on them and that only cut deeper. We have resolved the trust issues, but this small issue is still there. I guess I dont understand because if he wanted a bj or for me to do something new with him sexually I would do it for him because I love him and want to satisfy him and keep him happy. So in him not wanting to, it just kind of hurts. I told him I would shower and shave beforehand and he said it had nothing to do with that. He used to do the same thing with valentines day, bragged sbout getting his ex elaborate bouquets and take her out ect. Its hard for us to go out alone because we have a family, but I have never gotten a bday present, or rarely any presents as far as holidays or valentines day goes. Ii know presents should not matter and honestly it doesnt to me its just the bragging so then when he cant even get me a card, which I would be happy with it is kinda like a slap in the face. I know we dont a lot of money but we have a family together, it would just be nice to get something a little more personable- like a card or anything to show he remembers me. I forgot to mention that we live together and were planning our wedding until these trust issues got in the way. I never forget him on any holiday, birthdays valentines, fathers day, christmas. I try not to let on that it bothers me. Im sure this post makes me sound pretty selfish. I just dont know what to do. I dont know how to get him to understand or appreciate me...
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2013): Hi I posted this question.By family, yes we have two children together. What hurts most is he doesn't understand. I'm not making excuses for him, but he doesnt make me "do" anything in the bedroom if I dont want to like fellatio- I resent doing it because he wont do it for me at all, but when he has in the past I do it more often because I appreciate it. Although when he actually flat out asks me I do it so he doesn't feel the way I do when I ask and he says no. There are alot of positives about him. He's kind and he helps me clean our house, is a wonderful father, acts loving towards me. He spent all his check in december- for christmas on our kids and our parents/ siblings ; so he made me an early surprise dinner, he went all out with a table cloth and candles and cleaned the house, really cleaned the house so that was very sweet. Its not like he does nothing but I just dont know what to do about those issues. They are small, but meaningful. I love him but I do think hes a bit selfish also... I've tried talking to him, but he gets upset... I
A
female
reader, ImmortalPrincess  +, writes (17 January 2013):
 He brags about how he treated his ex girlfriend better then you? That just isn't right - what the heck is even the purpose of that?
You're not being selfish for wanting him to put in a little effort and do those little things that say "I love you".
If you didn't have a child together, I would tell you to find the quickest way to the door and get out of this relationship - but having a child makes things a little more complected.
Communication is very important, you need to tell him that it is bothering you. Tell him exactly how he is making you feel. Ask him why he felt the need to brag about how he treated his ex if he wasn't intending on treating you the same way. If he doesn't think you're worth being treated like you're special to him, then you do need to find a way out of this relationship.
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A
female
reader, mrswaldhauser  +, writes (17 January 2013):
 When you say you have a family together do you mean a child? If so I feel very sorry for you. This man sounds like one of the most selfish and heartless men I've ever heard of. He expects you to pander to any whim he wants in the bedroom (and you do because you love him) but you ask him outright to perform oral sex on you, even only a couple times a year and he flatly refuses? And not only that he keeps bringing up his sexual history with other women? And has sent messages to other women telling them he wants to perform sexual acts on them that especially hurts because he has told you no? Get rid of him. What an idiot. He sounds awful and you deserve so much better. I can't see any love on his side of this relationship and if there is there isn't much. There certainly is a complete lack of respect for you and he is not interested in your sexual needs whatsoever which is the black death to any long term relationship. It's not like you've asked him to stick a dress on and chain u to a spinning wheel is it? You've asked him to perform something which most men don't need to be asked to do, nevermind to then turn round and say they don't like it and its totally off the cards. Get rid of him hun!
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