A
female
age
51-59,
*hinachik
writes:Hi, would like people's opinion on this as I'm confused by my current situation... I've been dating this guy who's in the RAF for about 6 weeks now, we met on a dating site, and have had 3 dates. We have been getting to know each other, and things seemed to be going well, we both asked if we were seeing other people, and have both said no, and he seems really sweet and attentive.On our third date last week, we slept together and it was very nice, and since then we have been in touch though admittedly its been me that got in touch first (whereas before it was mainly him) Suddenly within days he tells me he has to go away for 3 weeks on an exercise in Germany. When I asked about me and him- he said he wanted to see me when he gets back and that I'm the only one he wants and will miss me.I'm finding it so hard and keep getting engulfed in this wave of negativity as it seems so sudden he had to go, and not being reassured that I'm on the right track. Since he's been away he hasn't been in touch, even though he said he would.I'm not about to do anything drastic like find someone else or anything like that, but I have doubts- it feels like I've been dumped but without the closure. I don't really know if I will ever hear from- him again... I do want to see him again and hope to make a go of it, but its just hard to not think there's something else going on.Would like to know what people think of this, as I really don't know what to make of it?Thanks Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Empressjai +, writes (12 June 2010):
 I am so sorry this has happen to you. But it is clear to me that this guy did a 'wham bam thank you mam' act on you. I have nothing against dating sites but you need to be careful when you use them as there are a lot of unscrupulous men out there just looking to get laid. They come across all sweet and lovely at first but if you had held of the sex you would have seen him for who he really is. More often then not when a man gets the sex early on in the dating process he's already plotting his escape.
Maybe you have no idea on how to navigate the dating process but if is used to see if a guy is worthy of being boyfriend material and you certainly won't find that out after only 3 dates. The way to smoke out a guy is to assess his attitude about waiting for sex. If he likes you, he'll be happy just being in your company.The purpose of waiting is not to play hard to get...it is to give you time to observe him and find out a few keys facts about him.
He's gone and i doubt he will come back to you because there is no challenge. Next time you meet a new man smoke him out by holding off the sex and assess his attitude. If he comes on heavy and tells you the most wonderful things you have ever heard...run!! That kind of man will promise the world if there is sex involved. Just because a man is gorgeous and acts sweet and kind that doesnt mean he will treat you respectfully.
I empathise with your situation but advise you to be cautious next time.
A
female
reader, Plexi  +, writes (12 June 2010):
 He was just after the chase and once you slept with him he lost interest and took a step back. He probably knew he was going to leave but opted not to tell you because he didn't want to ruin his chances of sleeping with you. Yes he wants to see you when he returns......" most likely as a FWB, but don't think that he'll save himself for you while he's there. I'm sorry this happened to you, next time spend more time getting to know someone before you go to bed with him to avoid this situation.Forget about him, pull back as well, spend some time on yourself , go out with friends and family and why not be open to meeting new people......there are nice guys out there as well. Good luck hun, I hope this helps a bit
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A
male
reader, Kizhak322 +, writes (12 June 2010):
 the RAF is a hard thing and dating someone who is involved must be hard for you too.
your best bet is while he is away, relax with your friends and enjoy yourself. That way when he comes back he will be more excited to see you and you can see if you two are compatible.
Thing is if your not compatible, is it better to find out now as apposed to later on in life?
he hasnt dumped you, he just needs to do his duty and you have to relax and keep optimistic
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