A
female
age
41-50,
*tarrynights
writes:I've been seeing a guy now for 5 months. (were both expats from big cities in a small foreign country hes been here for 12 years and I've been here for 4. He knows I'm not completely happy here ) we see each other almost every day, which took some getting used to for me as not used to something so intense. My feelings have been growing for him naturally. I've told him that sometimes I feel I love him but when asked he says he doesn't love me and that he doesn't think hes ever been in love. He said he wanted to be honest and maybe he'll grow to love me. He wants to see me all the time and we are compatable in so many ways so I decided to give it time and see BUT now there are things that just don't add up. He doesn't like to kiss me so it seems, just pecks, not long passionate kisses. We have great sex but he NEVER initiates. And once when at a gig and he was drunk he blurted out 'wow she hot' about someone else. Of course I told him he had just made a big mistake and walked off but later he justified it by saying that he wouldn't mind if I did the same' he would learn more about me like who I was attracted to' but also he knew it hurt me and would never do it again. Also I want to add, he was adopted and doesn't know his birth mother and has had similar commitment complaints from previous girlfriends. His last relationship was 1 year before he finished it because 'he didn't love her'.Now I'm starting to feel anxious about this relationship. I may have fallen for him and so the risk of getting hurt is higher. His actions, when he's not being a stupid, is that of deep care but theres never been verbal confirmations. Other than I really like you (once and I had to say it first). I have told him that I want a direction with our relationship and that it doesn't make me feel good without one but his answer is always the same, 'I don't love you, maybe I will maybe I won't? I want to be with you but not if it makes you unhappy" what on earth does this guy want and shall I leave????
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2008): Depends on how long you want to do a song and dance with him. He may never give you the answer you want to hear, you already know he has commitment issues. Depends on if you can wait, want to wait, and possibly find out later you've wasted your time? I wouldn't put too much money on him, he seems like a high risk. Don't you deserve to be with a guy who does love you and doesn't have to think about it?
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