| A
female
,
*AYBUSTER
writes: I have been with my boyfriend for 2 years and 1 month. We have had 4 break ups. 2 were because he was going to try to make it work with his ex wife. 1 was because I was tired of him being to close for comfort with his ex wife. The other time was no real reason giving by him. The longest we broke up was for appx. 45 days However we remained in contact with one another at least once or twice a week over the phone. We also remained intimate with one another. We have been back together for appx. 4 months now. Things are great. We get along very good. I feel so comfortable with him. I enjoy taking care of him. I enjoy being apart of his life. I love him very much and I think he cares (may not love me yet) about me a lot. Here is the problem: we have been together for a long time and things have been real rocky. I have been thru a lot with him from his ex wife assaulting me to him dumbing. His one child disrespects me a lot, the other child adores me. I get along with the family except his mother is real bossy. I do everything for him, his children and family. I cook, clean, do the shopping, buy clothes, take the one child to school dances, I baby sit etc. I do everything a wife does and more. Yet he really does nothing for me. He does not even make his child respect me like an adult. He still allows the ex wife to come into his house to visit the kids. Nothing is going on between them anymore but there was in the past. I am worn out. I love him but he just will not make a commitment to me. I am looking to move in with him. I am busting my butt to take care of him and his family while I am taking care of my house plus his. But he still will not let me move in. Says it is too soon, his children need their space. I have a daughter as well and he uses her as an excuse also. However right now my daughter is in boarding school which I have to work 2 jobs to afford. I could go on. Basically I bend over backwards for him because I love him and want more. He does not. I am tired of waitng for that commitment. I feel used and taking advantage off. I have told him how I feel but he still will not budge. He claims he loves me but when I tell I am not going to do this forever I am looking for marriage etc. he says please let's just take our time. I really feel like I am wasting my time and need to move on. Especially since I do everything for him and honestly he really does nothing for me. Just small favors and trust me they are small. He also says you never know what can happen in the future but I feel that is just away to keep me hoping so I will keep doing. Should I give him so more time or just break it off and move on once and for all?
View related questions:
broke up, ex-wife, his ex, move on Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 November 2005): Just one question: why, if this guy is getting all the benefits of a wife from you, would he make any effort toward you in return? What more could he possibly gain? Let's say he does begin to return your energy. This would mean you two would marry, etc. To him, since he's ALREADY got you exactly where he wants you, this would be claustrophobic. If he wanted to make a commitment to you, don't you think he WOULD?
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (11 November 2005):
 You need to move on and quit wasting you time on a relationship that is going absolutely nowhere. Let him clean his own damn house. Go find that man who will cherish the ground you walk on. He's out there waiting for you.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 November 2005): The only way to change this sad situation is for you to take matters in hand and realize this is an either/or situation. In your shoes, I would sit him down and tell him what you want from him. It sounds like you want more substantial committment. If he begins to hedge, tell him you will be his lover, fiancée, lifemate but you will bow out of being his "maid/housekeeper/babysitter'. He will either accept it or not. If he does not commit, you will not have ultimately lost anything, for there wasn’t much there. You were being used. Moreover, you will end the years of emotional drain and find someone you can really love and genuinely gives back to you. There are many wonderful men out there looking for a man who will be friend, lover, and life-mate. Make sure you don’t make a habit of choosing emotionally unavailable men, who can't set boundries with their ex-wives. Take care and good luck.
Hugs,
Irish
...............................
A
female
reader, Topps +, writes (10 November 2005):
The cold harsh truth is, finish it. 2 years is long enough, if he doesn't love you now, he probably will never do. You are making yourself feel used by doing so much and allowing him to use you. I think he probably still loves his ex and cannot commit to you while he is not letting go of her. You seem like a kind women unfortunaltely you are being a stupid one too. You have set the paramontors for this relationship and it will always continue this way. Please leave him and find someone who does things for you to make you happy and not because it is a 'favour' Favour suggests you owe something and that is not the way true love works.
...............................
|
