A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I've been with my boyfriend that I lost my virginity to for nearly 2 years. We've been rowing a lot lately but we always have rows.Lately I've been put into a paired group project with university and have been really getting along with this guy. Our personalities connect more than my boyfriend and I. and I'm really attracted to this guy. There's definitively a spark between us and we end up texting on a personal level rather than about the module. we both really get on as well as flirt. I feel terrible for being attracted to another. I'm very against cheating. I would never kiss this guy unless I was single but still feel I am betraying my boyfriend for wanting to.What do I do? I don't want to loose my boyfriend for someone I'm not even sure where it would lead.
View related questions:
flirt, lost my virginity, spark, text, university Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Kyle007  +, writes (15 March 2012):
The problem with this sort of emotional affair isn't even any sort of moral one really, its the psychological damage you are doing to yourself on a daily basis that is built up by your continual resistance to getting physical with him. You want to, you can't. It only gets worse. Just need to make a choice between the two lest you go completely mad. And if/when you choose the boyfriend, you need to put as much space between you and this other guy as possible.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 March 2012): What you are doing is labelled emotionally cheating in that you are establishing an emotional bond and relationship of intimacy by sharing your thoughts, feelings and attraction for another.
Your ACTIONS- which means you are doing, cheating, of texting, flirting already demonstrate, well you are selfish.
Because you are working both men secretly. Does the 'Other' guy even know about BF? If so, then he only sees you as a hook up and nothing more.
So go ahead and break it off with the BF which you do not love otherwise you would NOT be building a relationship of intimacy with the other guy.
Besides, BF needs and deserves a loving, HONEST, FAITHFUL GF that puts him above all others.
...............................
A
male
reader, Vainfall +, writes (14 March 2012):
 My general advice on this is to face the fact that by being attracted to someone else is like your current relationship has already ended. Then all that is left is honesty to be applied, meaning that first you'll have to admit it to yourself and afterwards to your current BF.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 March 2012): You aren't serious about your current relationship---I would leave. Yeah, the boyfriend maybe hurt, but if you are going to continue being "attracted" to someone else, flirting and communicating with this other person behind your boyfriends back--or even if he knew about it, this simple means your boyfriend doesn't have all of your heart---all of your love. It's one thing to find someone attractive, it's another to be attracted to them. You my dear, have cheated----you have cheated in your mind.
...............................
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (14 March 2012):
 You do know that texting with a man on a personal level while being attracted to him and keeping it a secret from your boyfriend is a fine line of cheating…. It my rule book that would be cheating.
I sense from your post that your relationship with your bf may be coming to an end… which is NORMAL and natural at your age… you have been “rowing” a lot lately and that’s not a good sign. You have guilt over this attraction which is also NOT a good sign. I have male friends at work that I flirt with outrageously but I have NO GUILT over it… and I have no problems telling my partner about it.
IF you feel you can’t tell your partner and you feel stronger attraction than just “hey nice fellow bring your gf and come for dinner with US” then it may be time to re-evaluate your current relationship and determine if you can spend your life living with someone who you fight with so much KNOWING that there are men out there that you feel more connected to….
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (14 March 2012):
 Honestly, just because you are in a relationship doesn't mean you are only allowed to like one person.
However, I think you need to check your actions around this guy. Think of it this way, if your BF was in the room with you and your study partner would to do/say what you are doing/saying? If not, then don't.
Flirting can be OK, but it can easily get out of hand.
Seems to me like you are emotionally attaching yourself to this guy and THAT can be a problem. Because even if you don't kiss him or sleep with him you are being personal ind intimate with him (just not physically) which in my book is cheating or the beginning of it.
How would you feel if your BF did what YOU are doing to another girl? Would you feel hurt? Betrayed? Mad?
...............................
A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (14 March 2012):
 Being attracted to someone isn't a crime, it's perfectly normal to get crushes on other people while in a relationship. I think it happens to most people. Try not to worry about it. I've had two pretty serious crushes during my current relationship (never acted on them) and my boyfriend has had one. It's not a big deal, just a little frustrating to deal with. Try to put some distance between you and your crush and see if that helps out.
...............................
A
male
reader, orangefoxes +, writes (14 March 2012):
Just make it clear to him that all you want from him is a friendship. You can be attracted to someone without kissing or doing anything sexual with them.
...............................
|
