A
female
age
30-35,
*card and alone
writes:I have been dating my boyfriend on and off for 4 years. I THOUGHT we had a great relationship until a few months ago. We had alot of unprotective sex (he knew I wasn't on the pill but said sex felt beter with out a condom) I'm now 18 weeks pregnant, when I told him he told me to get rid of it and when I said no he told me that he didnt want to be a father and left. He now has another girl friend and wont even speak to me. My parents are not being suppotive and I feel so alone, I dont even think he has told his family yet. I feel like I ruined my life and disappionted everyone. My parents want me to give the baby up but I'm not sure if I want to. what should I do?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 April 2009): hi im 27 and im a student if their is one thing ive learnt is that we need to make our own choices in life. I dont want children but i dont see them as a burdon if i got pregnant tomorrow I could not give the child up but that is my decision and noone could influence my choice.
You have to make this decision on your own. remember there are more positives than negatives and with right support you will be fine. I live with a partner who has 2 children I love them as if they were my own they do not live with us but we see them often. just remember what ever choice you make you will have to live with for the rest of your life so think long and hard. your choices will be respected and you seem to have a lot of support their is more than one man in the world and you will find your soal mate when you least expect it with or without a child. make this decision for you not everyone else you are not a disapointment or a failier. look at what you have achieved and what you can still achieve. hope this helps good luck xx
A
female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (2 April 2009):
I don't get how either of you didn't see this coming. The pill and the morning after pill is so easy to get hold of.
It looks like you are on your own though.
Everyone else has given you the "it wasn't your fault" stuff so I'm going to be practical.
Any guy who doesn't worry about contraception, doesn't care about you. You know that now so don't make the same mistake again.
So you want to keep this baby, it's likely you are going to have to do it alone.
Tell your parents that is what you have decided. If they won't let you live at home then you need to move out and find a place to stay pretty quick.
Call his parents. He has washed his hands of responsibility but he still has to pay for the kid and they still have rights as the grandparents. Just call them up and tell them that you got pregnant, he said to get rid of it and then walked out on you. But you wanted to let them know your side of the story since you are probably going to have to take him to court.
Keep them on side as they may want to be in on scans and things like that.
You need to find somewhere to live, and some income now. You don't say if you are working or not and since you are in America I don't know what government help is available.
Find out and get it sorted asap.
You are going to have a long hard life for the next 20 years. But you can do it alone. Lots of other women have. Push your career, work hard and make something of yourself.
I don't have kids and I feel the same as you that a baby would ruin my life, but those women who have had them all say differently so I just hope that the love you feel for the child will make it all worth while.
I'm sorry this happened to you. I hope if you get another boyfriend in the future you consider the implant or the coil. You still risk STIs but at least you'll only have one kid.
That's another thing actually. You say your relationship was on and off and since he didn't give a crap about you enough to use condoms, he probably didn't use them with any of the girls he was with when you were on a break or whatever it was. Get tested for STIs as he's probably given you something and that can affect the baby.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
female
reader, crimson_kiss +, writes (2 April 2009):
 I am so sorry you are going through this right now, at such a young age as well. He's a total loser and you are better off without him, first and second any man who would say "get rid of it" is not a MAN to begin with.
So, you made a bad choice...that's how life is and everyone makes them sooner or later. By all means you did NOT, under any circumstances, ruin your life. You just have an added blessing.
I am sorry to hear your parents are not being supportive in this. Please remember, however, they are not in control of your life...YOU are. I have faith in you that you will do what is best for not only yourself, but your unborn child as well.
Find yourself a support system that is local to you, a maternity ward at the local hospital should be able to suggest places for you, or even your OB can give you helpful resources you will need.
I wish you such luck, happiness, and health.
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A
male
reader, DoubleM +, writes (2 April 2009):
 You have not "ruined your life." Perhaps you made mistakes, including picking a lousy young man for a boyfriend. You have a lot of life ahead and plenty of time to gain wisdom and improve. We all make some mistakes.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2009): You poor girl. I speak from experience that this situation just sucks! I went through this when I got pregnant young with my daughter. Your parents are most likely just shocked right now. Ultimately it is your decision what to do and if you decide to keep the baby, they will come around. You did not ruin your life! As far as the father goes, if you decide to keep the baby then he cant run from his responsability to the baby forever. This is just new right now to everyone. I urge to to take time and think everything through long and hard before you make any decisions at all. And as damluvsaam said, only you can decide what to do from here. Just remember that you are strong and you can get through this! I wish you the very best of luck, if you need to talk at all you can PM me....Jez
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