A
male
age
41-50,
*unshineStar21
writes:OK the background story... My friend and I had recently started dating, we were seeing each other for 8weeks. My previous relationship had just ended and I was actually still sharing the house (not the room, I was in the spare) with my ex gf and her sister and looking to move out which I eventually did. The thing is that I selfishly tried to protect my own heart, and assumed her reaction would be one of fear, so I lied to her saying I was actually living with friends.As you can imagine this eventually all came out, we broke up because I'd obviously obliterated the trust she had shared with me, but through it all we remained friends.I went away and really looked at my actions and returned a more positive and powerful spirit, promising her patience, respect and love (that had actually never faded).Since then we have started dating again and we're doing really well, we both feel strong and happy, and honor each others space. However, when we broke up her mates had been discussing the previous situation over and had advised her of their opinions. Now she doesn't tell them that we are dating again and avoids questions about it or makes stuff up, and I know she hates lying and never does, so this in turn hurts me because I know I am the cause. Now she heads to friends' events (bbq's, parties, etc) without me; On top of the secrecy this makes me feel that she is ashamed of our relationship, even though we sahre amazing times and blessings of love when we're together. Why else would she desire to turn up to these events alone?My question is, (and I probably already know the answer) how do I discuss this with her gently, without her feeling like I'm being impatient or co-dependent. I'm a strong and good man, and have faith in our beatiful relationship, and I know I should just be thankful for any time of the day this beautiful girl is giving me after abusing her trust, but I feel this is damaging our chances by reintroducing mistrust and denial. Any advice would be wonderful, thankyou :)
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male
reader, SunshineStar21 +, writes (3 February 2012):
SunshineStar21 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi Code Warrior, thanks for your reply and suggestions.My previous relationship was almost 2 years. I had been single (and living in the same house as my ex for about a month). I know it sounds soon but my attraction and the positive connection to my new friend just felt mature and amazing, hence our continued friendship despite these issues.The length of the new relationship 8weeks. the break-up period 2weeks. Dating again now for 5weeks.I guess that mistrust was the incorrect term to use, but definitely a sense of her denying our relationship to her friends. It's moreso that yes she tells me she's going, but then what does she tell her friends who are there with their partners and boy/girlfriends? That she's single, has no bf. I know that's just my loose 'mind' wandering in to mess with my clarity, but still concerning regarding the strength of the relationship.I agree this is most likely because she has entertained their opinions enough and desires to hear no more... but still, she is a very strong woman and takes no grief from anyone, which concerns me that she is troubled by this... by us.As I said, I'm fairly sure I know the answer why, and what it is I need to do, but the how is what I am seeking... gently and without any sense of judgement or guilt :)Hope this info explains things better.
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