A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:This is my third post about the same type of problem with the same person.My boyfriend and I are going on one year of living together and over a year and a half of dating. We from the get-go took our relationship very seriously. Before we even became official we talked about marriage. The problem now is what it has always been: I can't totally trust him. He has always been the type of person to not completely open up to anyone in his life. His parents come asking me about some of this things and vice versa. No one ever really knows his story, and that to me is very unsettling.I always seem to catch him lying about dumb things, like a camera he claimed was given to him and was actually a camera gifted to his dad which he let him keep. Stupid things, but one can't help think, if he'd lie about this, what ELSE is he hiding?Today I needed to send a text to my mom from his phone, and to check it had gone through I check his sent box. Turns out he messaged a co-worker that he "couldn't go today" because he was "scheduled to work at 4pm" and he "couldn't believe it". What the hell is that?? We LIVE together. Who is this guy and where was he going with him?? I've caught him in several lies in the past, in fact, before we were even friends he lied to a few friends and me and ended up spending the night at a girl's house. Not the best base for a trusting relationship.When you get down to it, he's hard-working, he respects me and my beliefs and morals (I'm still a virgin, and there's no pressure on his part, in fact, he wants to wait till marriage). He says I'm "IT" for him and blah blah, but I just don't trust him. And when my gut tells me something is wrong, I'm hardly ever wrong.Sometimes I just wanna break up with him, I get anxious when this happens. The silence between us kills me. I've had several panic attacks and nothing changes. I'm seeing a therapist, but I can't do anything else to compensate for him. Should I just let him go? I'm tired of feeling like I love him more than he loves me.I'm so broken. Any advice?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2008): You know what my beloved sister there is one that seems like you don't understand your boyfriend he seems like he is like that,so stop pushing him to be like the way you want,there is a saying that says LOVE conquers all I believe in that,just stay calm everything will be all rite,if you want to leave him again its your choice I can't say anything,but all I can say is that be careful
A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (3 February 2008):
 Respect and trust are the two pillars of a relationship. If these are missing , the relationship does not last.
If you want him to love you more, withdraw or pullback and see if he will come after you.
Lying is one of the men's vice.This is a bad habit which can be corrected when the time comes.
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A
male
reader, polarkite +, writes (3 February 2008):
 It sounds like he's emotionally unavailable, and that you are afraid of what lies beneath the surface. You both need space! I think you should listen to your gut and break up or at least slow things down.
I'd recommend that you realize that you are a free woman and can do anything you put your mind to! You have articulated your problem very well, and what's missing is action. This is probably why you are having panic attacks. You're afraid to act, or how to act. Just realize that you are free.
Maybe start looking for new apartments thinking of a fresh start, or make new friends, listen to new music. Do something different. Free your mind, and the rest should follow.
If he is going to be emotionally unavailable, then there's no need for you to spend time worrying about it.
Just a warning, as you free yourself, be prepared for him to chase you. This is a typical response. So you really need to be prepared to quit him cold turkey. The easiest way to do this is to have another living situation lined up so you don't have to see each other every day. It will make things much easier.
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